Long story short - met a girl a few times over the past few months at a hobby event meet up, failed first time, last time I was making out with her numerous times, gave my number, got offered to stay on her couch if I cant get back home, made a joke saying there definitely isn't a couch and it's her sneaky way to get me to ask her if I can join her later on.
Now we've been texting a little, she gives me quite a fair bit to work with, but the conversations always turn to 'how was your day', which is essentially a convo killer in my head, but I don't know how to handle it - I don't want to ignore it, wondering if I should say I typically don't text (which is logical, so probably no to that), or if I should somehow come with something funny, i.e. she's working as a police officer, so I might respond with "trying to collect information about me that you'll use against me later?", but I can only keep that going for so long. I wouldn't mind talking about my day but I just don't want to make the conversations dry as fuck. So far I've been keeping it quite playful and flirty, mainly working with what she tells me. How should I work around this?
Also, she seems to be one of those really confident girls on the surface, but I 'broke through' it with a few questions or reactions (i.e. She mentioned my lips being really red after we made out numerous times, she kinda tried to rub the lipstick off gently, I checked myself in the mirror and said "Holy fuck yeah they are! I wonder why though" and she got shy in a good way. Now my question is - how can I repeat this? How do I break through this 'barrier' so to speak, she seems to be a little bratty if that makes sense, as in, you'd have to put her in her place, any advice for a rookie?
[deleted] 3y ago
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PrisonnierDuGingoa 3y ago
I don't understand why you didn't accept her offer to stay on the couch, then just escalate and fuck her once you're at her place.
I also don't understand what's your question here. You already made out with her, and it seems like she's interested in you. Why don't you just invite her for a drink near her place, work your charm, go back to her place and fuck her? What do you want to text her for if she's down to hangout in real life?
What's more, it's totally ok to ignore girls if they ask boring ass questions. You don't have to answer every one of her text. You can either ignore her message and lead the convo in another direction or you can not answer at all.
Finally, it's just my opinion but I don't think it's a good idea to blow up her plausible deniability when she invites you back to her place. Even if it's obvious bs, most women still need that excuse (oh let's go to your place and you can show me that amazing painting you made, let's make this cool cocktail, I can't go back home and would appreciate a place on your couch, etc..). Like you could have made that joke after you fucked her, I find it unnecessary to verbalize her intentions and potentially activate her ASD.
TRPPRT2021 3y ago
I didn't accept the couch offer because at that point it was 7 am, I would've been dancing latin dances and clubbing for 10 hours, and your first perfomance matters lol, especially given that she's in a big group of other girls who are aged similarly, on top of me being inexperienced, being tired wouldn't help out.
Logistics are a slight issue, 50 min train ride, getting back is an issue if it's late at night, I don't drive yet. She does drive but bringing her over right now won't be possible, do you think I should wait until I see her at another event (which may be quite soon) or should I try to get her out in her home city?
See I wouldn't know what questions to ask if I was to relead the conversation. I manage to drop the topics I don't think will be good for building anything especially over text, but I'm unsure of how to proceed.
Yeah you're right, I didn't think about it that way. How would you escalate when at hers? Slowly or just kinda 'quit the bullshit lets fuck' mindset?
Also, any recommended reads?
Thank you so much :)
PrisonnierDuGingoa 3y ago
Wise move, your first performance does matter.
Unfortunately you have shit logistics and it complicates things. I feel you, I used to be in the same situation. If you can't bring her back to your place, you have no option but to go to her place.
What I used to do is, search for a cool bar near where she lives, and invite her for drinks there. Then just have a fun and flirty date, don't forget to escalate, and try to seed the pull. What that means is during the date you bring up topics or activities that could lead to a plausible excuse to go back to her place at the end. For example, if you find out you both play the guitar, boom you can go jam a little at her place after the date, and then take it from here.
Another one of my favorite moves, if it's your second or third date, invite her to cook a nice meal together. You go grocery shopping together, then go back to her place, cook together, eat, drink some wine, and then you're already at her place so it's way easier to take it from here.
As for escalation, you have to work your way up gradually. There is a lot of material on this topic on the sidebar. This guide is also a good framework :
https://archive.org/details/vin-di-carlo-the-di-carlo-escalation-ladder/page/1/mode/1up?view=theater
dongking 3y ago
While I hear both of you that first performance matters, striking whilst the iron is hot matters even more.
If you're ever in that situation again TS, and you like her, accept the offer. You don't have to go full blown fucking after 10h dancing obviously, but some petting, HJ or BJ etc is perfect. Then get some sleep and wake up with a solid morning boner for round 2, if you feel like that.
Sounds a bit like you have performance anxiety and try to find excuses in your head to avoid even trying. So go for it man, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take anyway, so take em'.