So I had a girl ask me for my social media last year and we hung out once in November 2022. The last time we spoke was literally Nov 8 and she said: 'maybe we could go to the cinema to watch movies next time'.
It is now February and I literally do not know where to go from here. I do not want this opportunity to go to waste (arguably it might already have since I pretty much ghosted her) but I just don't know WHERE TO FIND THE TIME TO SPIN PLATES.
My time is currently divided between:
- Dealing with burnout, anxiety, cope
- Gym, mealprep, etc.
- Postgrad diploma and practicing CS
- Another girl that I've been talking to since 2020
I don't know where to slot time for yet another thing that needs mental space and commitment. What are my options?

coolsocks00 1 3y ago
First off you cant be hamstering over some months old lead. Send her a short text to gauge interest and set logistics. Takes no time out of your day.
Your time goes into dealing with stress, but what does that mean? You play some fortnite with your bros in the evenings, or you're in a state of complete mental disrepair? You need to deal with your issues but dont go too easy on yourself either.
Number 4 girl, you're fucking right? You say talking which sounds gay. If you're not fucking, you for sure dont have time for her. If you are fucking, then still consider if she's taking too much time and energy out of your day. Is she your de-facto LTR? Maybe it's time to demote her for real and actually see other women.
In short, there is time, you simply need to be disciplined in the way you use it. Motivation is fickle.
UnhappyAttemptori 3y ago
I often get panic attacks which I literally need to sleep off. Otherwise I get weird and medication doesn't actually help.
Yeah, she's a de facto LTR. I'm not sure how to demote her. Are there TRP readings on how to approach this?
coolsocks00 1 3y ago
Okay. If it's anxiety related i can only recommend high exposure to the source and learning to reorient your thoughts properly.
Give her less of your time and effort and be unapologetic about it. Respond slower and shorter when texting. She's likely to feel like something is up if you change everything around quickly, so always be prepared to ditch her. You need to maintain frame even if she calls you out and leaves. That means no defending yourself, excusing or rationalizing your behaviour to her.
A guy with a solid frame displaying aloofness and outcome independence is like crack to women. But at the same time you do not want to display overt disinterest. That is an important distinction.
Durek_The_Bald 3y ago
If you don't have the time to spin plates, or don't want to enough to prioritise it, then it is what it is. Spinning plates isn't the only road to abundance mentality. You can be a serial monogamist too, and just swap them out every few months. And/or you can genuinely feel you have more important things to do than women. Doing something just because you're supposed to according to someone else isn't "having frame", even if it's the redpillosphere telling you to do it.
UnhappyAttemptori 3y ago
Sidebar only had information on plate spinning. Is there reading material on serial monogamy?
Durek_The_Bald 3y ago
The sidebar (and referenced literature) has information on a lot of things: Frame, game, SMV, assertiveness, stoicism, the oak, cocky & funny, abundance/scarcity, mental point of origin, outcome independence, and so on and so forth.
The same basic principles apply whether you're spinning plates, serial monogamous, in an LTR, married with kids, picking up women in bars, picking up women in church, negotiating salary with your female boss etc. Gender dynamics is gender dynamics.
UnhappyAttemptori 3y ago
I am asking for reading material on serial monogamy
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UnhappyAttemptori 3y ago
How to be prepared to lose while also not ghosting? I'm actually still busy and she only re entered my brain because my friend randomly told me last week 'with how long you're waiting she probably already has a boyfriend'
I actually don't wanna shoot her a reminder because I'm still busy. What can I send that functions as a reminder?
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UnhappyAttemptori 3y ago
Yeah, I have been letting myself slip too much from cold approach. I think the idea of having a LTR has been making me way too comfortable when it comes to my cold approaches/sex life specifically and then I end up opportunity costing it and committing so many resources to studying instead
RiverChill41 3y ago
If you're struggling with burnout and anxiety, really put a solid effort into addressing those things and take back your life. Women won't fix your problems.
Burnout is caused by stress from external factors. Anxiety comes from within. Maybe take 30 minutes and write out the things causing you stress, and then write out things you can do to address those stressors. Then write out the things that cause you anxiety. What are you worried about or what occupies your mind that causes you to be anxious? Anxiety often manifests as fear of a what if, something that hasn't actually happened. Recognize that. If it's a scenario or outcome that you have any control over, plan out some actions to take against it.
Your list of time buckets above looks pretty manageable. You could possibly lower your stress if you made a daily schedule. Schedule out your days to the hour. Set aside time for each thing, starting with the basics (sleep, showers/toothbrushing/self maintenance, laundry, eating, etc). Then do obligations like work, classes, studying. Then fill in the rest. Once you have it all written out then you can manipulate it to better serve you. There's a lot less uncertainty/anxiety when you know what's coming next. Your phone probably has a calendar app you can use.
On the fine topic of spinning plates, I'd start with some more reading. Neither of the women described above sound like plates or LTRs. If you google "the book of pook neocities" there is a free version of The Book of Pook, which is a good starter read.
UnhappyAttemptori 3y ago
I think the anxiety is coming mostly from work expectations (in terms of hours i am demanded to fulfil) once I graduate. I have a classmate who is a machine and keeps telling me how OT is mandatory and I feel like death every time I hear it
User4566 3y ago
Sounds like you're not THAT attracted to her.
UnhappyAttemptori 3y ago
She is very attractive, her waist is tiny and her hair smelled amazing the last time we hung out. But I am a paranoid man (of her intentions) with very low self esteem so it makes me unwilling to take action. What would such a looker possibly want with a manlet like myself?
User4566 3y ago
I get that being on the shorter side sucks, but I'm 6'4" and still get rejected a lot. Grass is always greener.
UnhappyAttemptori 3y ago
Holy shit lmao spare me the false empathy. You know as well as I do that the that extra 10" of shinbone is the difference between human and dwarf.
User4566 3y ago
I'm the weird one because I'm much over the average human height. It's more like average height vs much above average height.