Hey guys I’m in my early 20s working out and improving myself just wanted some advice with a girl that I’ve been seeing .
She’s approximately the same age as me she’s fresh out of a relationship we’ve met up a few times made out, gotten head. I’ve known her for a while and she’s always been attracted to me won’t go into detail on the circumstances as I don’t want to share much online but very high interest girl.
She’s currently going through a lot in life and recently has texted things like ‘you only want me for a fuck’ or ‘soften up and tell me more about yourself or I won’t be around forever’.
After this had a few text conversations with her to let her know I care and she’s seeming a bit distant now, tbh I’ve been a cold asshole a lot of the time don’t talk much about myself, given minimal comfort, been a dickhead a few times accidentally, sometimes don’t text her back for days cause I didn’t feel like it.
I really like this girl and want to keep her around have something a bit deeper but not sure what to do as she seems to have pulled back a little bit not sure whether I should pull back myself and give this some space or double down and tell her I want something deeper any advice would be great thanks heaps.
mattyanon Admin 1y ago
urgh
urgh
The problem is that "I don't want to be your whore" means "I am losing attraction to you and demand your commitment". You can't win here: she says she doesn't want "just sex", but if you go all beta and show commitment it will kill attraction.
See above.
Good. She likes this and this got you laid. And when you're nice she is distant. Shit test failed.
Sadly she sensed your "I want to make it work" vibe, and this caused her to withdraw sex and demand comfort and commitment from you, and this killed attraction.
Well let's see.
You were a cold asshole, and she fucked you.
You were nice and caring and she got distant.
Wow, such a tough riddle to solve.....
Treetroll 1y ago
Thanks so much. I need to say, she’s a tiny bit distant not ignoring me messaging me first, and she is going through a lot of personal stuff right now, all girls say that but I’ve heard first hand and it’s a lot. She’s become distant before and I just chill out for a while and she comes round (but the other times it hasn’t been accompanied by the “you only want to use me” statements).
I just can’t decide between pulling back and giving her space or just straight up telling her something like “this isn’t working for me, you’re a lovely girl let me know if things change otherwise good luck with everything”. Do you think it’s better to approach this directly or just chill for the time being? Also this has taken place over the span of 3 or so days.
mattyanon Admin 1y ago
don't end it unless you want to end it. nothing stops you seeing other girls and keeping her for occasional fun in the background.
beware though, the line "you only want to fuck", this is TERRIBLE.
I've heard this from LTR's, and it's hurtful as fuck because they say this at the exact point where you're starting to fall for them.
I have NEVER heard this from fuckbuddy/FWB's. Girls who I make it clear that I'm going to fuck them and that is the basis of our fling.
It's what wives say to avoid sex with their husbands.
It's fucking terrible....... it's girlcode for "I have your commitment and will now deny you sex". It means you have overcommitted and she is not worthy of it.
Lionsmane8 1y ago
This happened to me with my last "prospective LTR" (tons of green flags, very few red ones).
She sensed I was growing fond of her and that I was steadily upgrading her, then she decides to pull that dick move on me.
Of course it backfired and I went cold on her. She later contacted me a couple of weeks later implicitly hinting at her falling for me and being hurt by me ignoring her.
Again, I stood my ground and we haven't talked since.
Something tells me this saga has not ended yet and that she is trying to invent some face-saving bullshit to crawl back to me.
I'm following this post to see how others have dealt with that crap.
Treetroll 1y ago
Thanks dude. Yeah it just sucks I think she really means it, I definitely hadn’t overcommitted at the time she first said it so it’s a bit strange. She’ll send me stuff every now and then no doubt I’ll just chill for a bit.
I really believe that I might’ve been a bit too much of a dickhead sometimes that’s what’s leaving me conflicted, I feel as though I overdid it a few times looking back but I don’t wanna backtrack on everything and start apologising.
I also got a feeling she’s trying to branch swing to me but it’s sorta failing due to me being a bit of an asshole and she might go back to an ex if that’s the case do you think that changes the situation?
Lionsmane8 1y ago
You showed your cards