M/20 Years Old/6'0"/Black So, like a lot of people here, I grew up with less than stellar confidence. I had a few girls crushing on me growing up, but my confidence was so absurdly low that I always hamstered away any attention I got by saying things like "she's too good for me, she would only likes guys with XYZ" or "she'd probably leave me for someone else when she sees that I have nothing going on for me". To combat these feelings, when I was 17/18, I began hitting the gym religiously, grew my hair out, started socializing more, got tattoos, and bought new clothes. Now I'm in university (at a commuter school), but despite all of the aforementioned changes I've made, I still feel like I'm a loser piece of shit that no girl would be interested in beyond my physical appearance. I've recently had a female friend of mine tell me that she likes me, but my default mentality after she told me that was "she's way smarter and immeasurably better than you, her friends would probably think she settled for you". Even when I'm out in public and catch a girl staring at me repeatedly, I can't help but to think that I wouldn't be "good" enough for her because I don't have XYZ. I've had male friends ask me why I'm still single despite me being tall, funny etc... and I respond with some BS lie when I really know the truth. I know that rationally, it's all in my head, but I can't beat this demon I've been battling since I was a child.
Any help or advice would be appreciated, Thanks
Bulba 2y ago
You are black. Add black women to your social life. If all women around you are white, you need to fix this.
College is not a nice place for black guys. You should also be looking for women elsewhere. Expand your options.
coolsocks00 1 2y ago
You're coming into adulthood and things are likely to be suboptimal for at least a few more years. Trust the process, and your experiences will hammer truths into your brain; that you are good enough, that women aren't complicated, that success is there for the taking, and so on.
You're mentally aware of these intrusive thoughts. Later when they spring to mind, consciously take your thoughts to something else. Distracting yourself like this asap is going to be your tool until they no longer intrude at all.
You have the knowledge that your intrusive thoughts are wrong, you just dont fully believe it yet. Take comfort in knowledge of the truth.
whytehorse2021 2y ago
Lack of confidence stems from fear of the unknown. Start with London Day Game and work your way up to more and more confidence. https://niplav.github.io/doc/game/beginners_guide_to_daygame_torero_2018.pdf