Long story short, I meet with this girl occasionally for a mutual hobby and over the year I've improved myself, which clearly is apparent as she wants the attention now but before she wouldn't even entertain the idea of messaging back.
We went for a birthday party off a mutual friend recently and she was very needy texting me before, double checking if I'm still going, then at the place we had a few drinks, some dancing and we were fooling around playing some random arcade game that was available, ended up grabbing my hand and biting it, then asking for a piggyback etc etc.
Unfortunately we were going to the club as a group, and I saw a message on her phone (which was conveniently placed in direct line of sight for me), where some guy said "I've got a free house tomorrow", and needless to say, my mood did drop. In the club she obviously danced with me and the group, then was going around to other groups and having fun with the guys, coming back, trying to get my attention, then dancing with me slowly and putting her head on my chest and I just lost the 'drive' to even close/try to pull.
What should I have done/what would you have done, and how should I act next time? I imagine I will be seeing her soon anyways, and she has texted me after but I just responded with some cold responses. Any advice?
Edit - If she asks me or says that I've been quiet/acting weird recently, what would you say? I was considering saying something that I'm chilling and misinterpreted her being drunk and having fun as flirting and just doing what's best for me (I know that this would need next level phrasing and tonality, because it is extremely easy to sound like a bitch saying that, but on the flip side, it would be a way to set a 'boundary' maybe and flip the script to essentially friendzone her (if she didn't intend for anything to happen, which would be weird as fuck because who bites someone's hand on the daily as a platonic friend lol) and if she wanted something she would potentially make it more obvious? Thoughts?
whytehorse2021 3y ago
Oh Gawd please tell me her name is not Renee. Fucking bitch slept with me in the same bed after leading me on and then cried rape. Yes we went to parties together, went on dates, held hands, kissed. You're an orbiter dude. Press the issue of sex or next her. Stop dragging it out. She's obviously DTF the guy on her phone at a moment's notice.
TRPPRT2021 3y ago
How would I go about pressing the issue? I don't imagine saying "wanna fuck" out of the blue being the right move
whytehorse2021 3y ago
Just escalate right away. If she pulls back, you pull back and try again later. If she shoots you down multiple times end it.
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TRPPRT2021 3y ago
Wow, I kinda had something similar lingering in my head, but I couldn't put words to it, but you did - "cock tease" and "she will enjoy torturing the shit out of you", thank you.
So how do I go about this? We have mutual friends outside of the hobby group, but at the same time if I have to burn a bridge then I'll do that, but how should I go about being bold or cold? If she asks me anything like acting weird/quiet, should I confront (but not in a overtly hostile way)? Next time she flirts shall I just laugh it off in her face and say something like "back to playing games with me" (obviously not a butt hurt tonality, tonality is key), or is that a bad idea?
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Vermillion-Rx Admin 3y ago
I do honestly think some of these girls that constantly ask if you're going places do want to fuck but need you to make a certain move for it.
One girl did that for like 2 months to me and then I fucked her. She came over the second I tried to invite her over. I never tried prior and she was so fast to get naked.
So I'm not agreeing unanimously that every girl checking if you go out is an attention slut. Some want to fuck and That's their way of checking if you'll be somewhere hoping you'll make a move on them for once
Other ones are just plain wasting your time or you're a back up choice.
The shit with the other guy would turn me off too. That's when I'd just game other chicks in front of a girl but that's just me. I have low tolerance for that
TRPPRT2021 3y ago
Thank you my friend. Yes I have a low tolerance but its more of a mindset shift. Her playing games, or any woman, just drops her rating in my head, i.e. few girls I was very into, turned out to just pull up any plausible reason as to why they dont want a relationship or anything of that sort, which is their choice, but if they come crawling back, I'm gonna have the leverage.
Yeah I wish I did game other chicks, I did kiss one but I think the girl in question was a bit too drunk to remember unfortunately, and I wasn't with anyone that would kinda push me to just game chicks and my mood was down, which I realise was a mistake, letting a 304 ruin my mood.
How should I go about being bold/making a certain move? Should I just say something or how should I go about it in this case? Any examples are more than welcome. Or should I laugh it off and actually say something like "my turn in your rotation again?", with a playful tonality, not a butthurt one though.
coolsocks00 1 3y ago
As lionsmane pointed out you're progressing into the friendzone. Your behaviour and mentality is too beta and you seem to be in her frame a lot. I'll point out how.
This is classic and normal. It doesn't mean she wants the D now, but at least you're playing the game. Girls will start seeking your attention for validation without necessarily chasing sex with you.
So lots of potential for further kino escalation and teasing yet you dont describe any of that. You might have X, Y and Z for reasons, but this whole thing comes down to inaction.
Tons of opportunities to game other women so why focus just on this one? When girls know you observe them texting, chatting with guys and slutting it up, they will automatically lose desire for you if you dont reduce your emotional investment/attention to match. Conversely, dropping attention and gaming other girls would give you more opportunities to fuck those women, and increase your chances with target girl. The push/pull dynamic is covered in the sidebar.
You're in her frame, too available, and not taking action. Seriously, what stopped you from grabbing her hand and taking her outside and to your place. Or escalating and shoving her into a bathroom stall to fuck her brains out. These are examples of things a way more alpha person could do under these circumstances. You need to be escalating and sexualizing. Pushing and pulling with your attention and statements, until you get enough information to assess whether she's getting DTF or not. If you're not getting anywhere you fuck right off to better pastures.
This whole paragraph is gay and lame. It's accepting her frame. Making the mistake of taking whatever the fuck she says seriously in the first place. DEERing.
Whenever you get some shit like that you reframe it to your favor. "Recently? I always am, dummy. Didn't know it was your type"
This shows you dgaf what she thinks (she probably doesnt even think it, she's just subconsciously frame testing you). You're teasing. You're implying she likes you. Will it work? Who knows. If it doesnt, who gives a fuck? You shouldnt.