I’ve got a girlfriend that doesn’t give blowjobs, and rarely takes the initiative and tries to please me sexually without me initiating anything. On the rare occasion she has, it’s a 1 minute blowjob as foreplay before or in between sex. I can count off 1 hand the amount of times she’s tried to get me off when sex is off the cards e.g when on her period When she actually has, it’s a quick blowjob followed by a crappy handjob.
When we actually have sex, she tells me how amazing it was and she is all over me after, and giving me loads of post-sex affection. But unless I actually initiate it nothing happens. From what I’m writing, I know it probably sounds like she isn’t attracted to me but she always goes on about how attractive she thinks I am,, and showers me with compliments.
Last night, we had had a fun Christmas at my family’s and we were drunk and I started initiating in bed. She said she’s on her period so I guided her head down and she gave me a blowjob which lasted less than 1 minute before she stopped and laid next to me.
I said “You don’t like giving blowjobs do you? I can tell”. She said that she ‘doesn’t mind’ doing it but not when she’s really drunk. She played with me for about 2 minutes giving me a handjob before I said in a light hearted tone to her “it’s ok you can stop doing that, I’m quite drunk i don’t think it’s going to do anything”, then I rolled over and turned the light off.
In the morning, I felt like I was quite emotionally distant with her. I didn’t stay in bed to cuddle her and went downstairs to hang out with my family before she woke up.
We haven’t really spoke much today, I’ve just been thinking deeply how is this going to be my life forever if we stay together? I feel a bit down and unfulfilled about it and I’m thinking back to girls I’ve been with that would just whip out my dick without me doing anything.
I don’t know what to do. When stuff like this happens, I withdraw attention and affection but then a few days later she starts getting upset and asks me why I’ve been off with her. Am I doing dread incorrectly?
For the record I am hygienic and have a good sized dick. I feel like I want to completely stop initiating sex with her altogether because I’m bored of the disappointment. I’m having to masturbate in secret just to stop feeling so sexually frustrated.

Intrepid_Place53900 1 3y ago
I think (lone ranger) comments are good.
So, not sure how much experience you have in relationships. You have to realize, most women have a lower sex drive than men, so often men want sex, much more than women. You've heard all of that before, but until you experience it, well, it hits home.
Many girls, won't initiate, they expect the man to, and/or, they aren't wanting sex, so why should they be thinking if her guy wants it. Yup, most women, don't really care if you are satisfied or not. Or maybe I should say, they aren't thinking about it.
I mean how off are we talking here? She never initiates, how often does she let you? 4 times a week? 2? 1?
She's your GF, so you are exclusive. That means, she's your only option for sex. If she's not meeting your needs, you need to talk to her about it. Not in a butt hurt way.
Just got to explain calmly that you think the 2 of you have different sex drives, needs. You may not be compatible. That will probably freak her out. now a lot of women will say you are sex crazed,etc. they'll gaslight you , try to make you feel bad because your sex needs aren't being met. If she does that, She's showed you her feminist card, drop out fast.
A RP woman , would want to know how she can satisfy you, she doesn't want you to leave and doesn't want you to cheat, so shit, I better make sure he's happy.
Find girls in the RP mold, skip the girls in the feminist, who cares about what he needs mold.
If your girl is in the middle, not making you feel guilty about your needs not being met, talk with her. Communicate and find out what both of you need and see if you can improve your sex life. You'll have to find out if you can live with what she's willing to provide. And you know, the longer the relationship, the less sex you'll have, is very typical.
Lone_Ranger 3 3y ago
This sounds very familiar. Most men have this kind of sex life. they try and pretend otherwise, but its the truth. A few points:
It would be nice if a woman would initiate sex once in a while, but its so rare that we just can't expect it. Sometimes a woman will do it quite a bit in the 'trial period' of a relationship, but it always fades away once she is comfortable in a relationship. If fades away because she feels she no longer needs to do it. This is a universal experience for millions of men - they meet a girl, she's great in the sack, they get married, the women no longer needs to pretend that she loves sex, they settle down to either a mundane sex life or a sexless union. Its a story as old as the bible.
You shouldn't really expect a woman to initiate sex. Its really the males job, same in the whole animal kingdom. A woman can drop very subtle hints (such as wearing sexy clothes) but don't expect a women to initiate. Most men fantasise about having a woman that initiates sex (like in porn films) but the reality is never as good as the movies. It's actually a pain in the ass to be with a woman that initiates sex, because if you're not in the mood, it creates pressure. Far better to have a woman that is 'receptive' to you making the first move.
If a woman is often initiating sex, its quite likely that its not really genuine. She is probably trying to impress you. So it can feel abit depressing when a women stops initiating sex, because it feels like she has 'lost respect' by not trying to impress you. It's very hard, because its a direct blow to the ego, but I would say try to not get upset if a woman has a lower sex drive than a man. Its 100% natural. I want sex every day, sometimes 2x a day, my wife does not. I've never met a woman that wants sex every day.... only in the first 2 months of a relationship. it gradually declines in the woman.
All married men masturbate in secret. That's why there are locks on the bathroom doors. Its sad but true.
Men need to be grown up about how much sex they are going to get when they are married. It's not going to be like when you were first dating. There are loads of self help books out there who will sell you the idea that you can change this, but you cant. There is a very good reason why men used to have 3 to 4 wives. It wasn't because men love hearing bitchy complaining all the time!!! it's because men's sex drive is 3 to 4 times higher than women's.
Durek_The_Bald 3y ago
In theory: Be attractive, don't be unattractive, be assertive, lead, take charge, shape the relationship and the sex how you want it, think and act as if you have agency.
In reality: All that stuff is true. But what's also true is that some women are more sexual than others, and it's unnecessary to start off from a point of sexual frustration. A good musician still wants to play a good instrument.
If you were married, had kids, stuff invested, and things got stale somewhere along the way, then yeah, I'd say try everything before throwing in the towel. But with someone who's just a 'girlfriend'? Naw man, you can't throw in the towel quick enough with those. Blowjobs, seriously...it's such low effort stuff. Don't ever be serious about someone who doesn't love the old cock in the mouth.
I'm guessing the reason you even ask is because you think you can't do better - as if there aren't women out there who's got the personality, and who are horny little sluts as well. Being "faithful" is hard enough - this one's going to make it too hard.
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 3y ago
Is she behaving herself otherwise? Sounds like it. Dread is mostly to instill a fear of loss. There should always be a certain level of passive dread just from your being attractive to other women. Anything past that seems unnecessary and excessive in this case (based on what you've said so far).
This might be inexperience on her part. For all that a woman with a low n-count has mostly upsides, the lack of know-how can be a drawback.
Try telling her and teaching her what you like. Be sure to reward the good behavior when she does it.
Don't expect her to initiate often. Initiation is masculine behavior.
whytehorse2021 3y ago
Get used to it. You can read Sex God Method to make it more interesting but yeah women don't initiate unless you train them to do so.
[deleted] 3y ago
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Ithappened8588 3y ago
Yea that was my first reaction as well.
Durek_The_Bald 3y ago
It reminds me of that tragedy.
coolsocks00 1 3y ago
Your understanding of dread is slightly lacking, i might give a few pointers on it later. But mainly your issue is that you're not taking responsibility for the quality of sex. You have to lead and teach. Tell her what you like and guide her actions. Read SGM and work on it.