Sorry for the cringe title lol. I'm doing my best not a native speaker. LTR of two years, almost everything is ok except for some little details. My mom said to me once i should never cook for a girl. But i did it with my gf because dumbass. I stayed on her home for this weekend, everything was going excellent, amazing sex and that. I was going to leave on Monday but she said "oh stay another day please" and i was like yeah ok. It was time to eat so she went to the room and asked me to cook for her with a childish attitude (not the annoying attitude, the kinda cute childish manipulating one) so i said we can both go and cook together instead, but she said no, you do it. So i refused passively, without going to the kitchen. Until this point I did exactly what she does to me sometimes, saying go ahead I'll be there in a minute, but actually going there when the food is ready. I was kinda lazy to fight her so when she said "You make yourself your sandwich" i said "ok" but actually went upstairs and took a shower instead and prepared my stuff to go out, or leave if necessary.
I was kinda of "I'm going to ignore that" even tho she send me a entitled message saying "ru going to eat? If not, I'll put things back on the fridge". Anyway i didn't even opened the message and went downstairs and told her politely "I'm going out for a burger you wanna come with me?" She started with an attitude and putting things on the fridge so i said, you now what, I'm going home. I didn't even kissed her bye or something.
Anyway is it possible to make that girl be more submissive? Because i kinda feel like i could be an asshole and make her do what i want but i choose not to. I mean i really moderate myself but something in my veins stands out and even my voice tone changes when i do things like this and i feel good about it, but with some remorse, because everything arounds wants me to submit; the social media, the psychologists, the narrative, laws, music and fucking everything. Please help me i feel lost, when i was leaving i couldn't stop thinking about when my mom said that my dad used to left her there talking when they were having an argument (By the way my dad was not that good at doing that, he always came back to scream for her bs haha) I think, unlike him i haven't lost my cool yet. Just my voice tone changed a bit like when i talk to my lil sis when she's annoying or straight dumb. I know you're not going to read any of these and probably don't care, but i have no one else to talk about it.
What can i do to hold frame more efficiently even if i feel like I'm being an asshole when I'm doing it? Damn i feel lost sometimes i just wanted a burger and not to fight with this girl.
mattyanon Admin 2y ago
And you said "OK"...... what the fuck???
She feels she has the power here. You need to be more attractive, meet more women, attend to her less and basically run dread game.
She's losing respect for you because you have committed to her. THIS IS HOW WOMEN WORK.
You need to internally/emotionally distance yourself from this girl. She feels she has "got you", and is negotiating (via poor behaviour) for a better deal for herself.
You caused this with your commitment.
delesseyM 2y ago
I said "bueno" as it was spanish, wich is not a yes, is more like "well" haha my bad, for me it was more like "well... If you're gonna choose that route". But yeah i should have said other thing but i was a little bit off to say more, i could have done better.
And of course i need to improve my self and give less attention to her bs. It's just I'm kinda new to this relationship power dynamic. I've been doing good, but damn dealing with life and everything, is exhausting that everybody including my gf wants to get a better deal from me when they are already doing excellent.
Lionsmane8 2y ago
you did the right thing. that was a subtle shit-test that she threw at you to see if she can wiggle some power out of you.
delesseyM 2y ago
That's what i was feeling but i was feeling kinda lazy to react to her bs. What could i have done better and what should I've done now that i went radio silent for a couple of days?
Lionsmane8 2y ago
Can't tell you, the purpose of shit tests is to test your frame. Now that you have demonstrated the strength of your frame the ball is in her court, she will either play by your rules or bounce.
SeasonedRP 1 2y ago
When she acts like a brat, put her over your knee and spank her. Then tell her to do what you asked.
Intrepid_Place53900 1 2y ago
this sounds like a passive/aggressive skit
you think it's bad to cook for your girl? not bad, as long as she's doing things for you. She asked you to do something for you in teasing attitude, tease her back. Tell her she can clean you up afterward, with a smile ;)
You are thinking too much.
A generalization. Your girl should do more for you, than you for her. How is that measured? Up to you really.
You should give your girl opportunities to do things for you, a girl that's really into you, should be wanting to do things for you. Make you happy,etc. It should actually make her happy to be doing things for you.
If your girl is not like that, I'd move on.
It sounds like you need to relax on the teasing she's giving back to you, use more amusement, etc. Takes practice being amusing/teasing, without being a jerk, it's also up to the girl too, if she's sensitive,etc.
delesseyM 2y ago
Yes i was thinking too much as i wasn't really on ltr before and i was kinda blue pilled and didn't walk away when shit like this happened and instead got into long ass discussions with girls haha.
She does things for me that i really appreciate and i do for her. But I'm not willing to normally do them just because i have done it before, especially because she got mad that i didn't prep everything as i normally do for me and then give to her too, as I'm not into just prepare food for me.
whytehorse2021 2y ago
So you should treat the first thing she said as a shit test. Pick your flavor of response. I apply kitchen dread with my wife, "Oh yeah you're right, I'm the better chef. Let's have some goood food this time". Then I go make some super gourmet deluxe food and the kids are all "wow, this is awesome".
delesseyM 2y ago
I could but the thing is she's not my wife. I'll do that if she were my wife or I'll suggest eating outside or getting a pizza, but I'm not willing to accept that from a gf especially if i sometimes have cooked for us entirely when she's said she's going to help me out but not. The minimum thing i expected was a dumb ass low protein sandwich.
whytehorse2021 2y ago
Yeah I think for kitchen dread to work the woman has to see her cooking as a sense of pride and value to the family. I suppose ignore her would work.
craftsmanmindset 2y ago
Just make a sandwich and smile about it the whole time. Turn it into a joke. Like the chefff is now readdy for the grand finale - putting the salami into the bun and then flip it in your hands a few times. Just have a playful attitude.
If she asks you again, just ignore her and maintain frame.
delesseyM 2y ago
Oh yeah the chef has cooked many tasty meals before and the only thing he expected was low quality sandwich wich in fact she refused to do.
coolsocks00 1 2y ago
But the frame is the issue. He wants her to be more submissive but she's not entering his frame/it's weak.
OP: Read HSPs bitch management guide from the sidebar. The training article covers a good portion of this issue.
In the end you cant let a girl rock your boat. If she wants to act like a plate, treat her like a plate.
delesseyM 2y ago
Yes i agree that my frame is completely the issue here. As i should have more money to eat outside without hesitation but also for being on her house on a Monday instead of working haha. But unfortunately being a lawyer on my country is not as good as i thought, I'm going to fix that.
craftsmanmindset 2y ago
you didn't understand what I said stupid nigger
whytehorse2021 2y ago
Don't you think that's just a little bit incredibly racist?
craftsmanmindset 2y ago
and do you think I care you nigger retard