I am preparing to get into a good university. It's been 6 months since I've gotten out of high school, found red pill at that time too.
I am just getting more and more depressed everyday. It's starting to feel like a heavy burden to just stay alive.
I am 19 and still living with my parents. Have no real job Or friends.
I heard my mom joke about how I am going to stay at home all my life.
For context my sister is doing an internship as a teacher.
I don't know what to do.
I am trying, I've been learning programming, joining hackathons and going to be a volunteer teacher in an NGO.
But my household is just way too toxic for me. I can't stand it. I can't stand my mom.
No matter what I do she always find something wrong, no matter how much I try to avoid her she's always there. Complaining about me to my dad, talking trash about me to my sisters.
It's so fucking weird I don't know what to do.
What if I don't get into the university I am aiming for. It's getting tougher and tougheer every day.
The admission are going to be started in 2 months and I just couldnt be more uncomfortable, irritated and angry.
I have become so miserable that I have to watch porn to put me to sleep. Sometimes I sleep for over 12 hours, stay up till 5 AM then go to sleep at 6, it's getting ridiculous.
I fucking hate this.
Intrepid_Place53900 1 3y ago
first, get at least a part time job, earn some cash.
who's paying for college? Does your mom/dad have the cash, etc? That may be part of your mom bitchin. She wants to know you aren't going to live in her basement for the next 2 decades.
Then try to get a job related to Azure cloud, if a college degree is your goal, you can still do it, this could be an interim job/career.
stop the porn, go and meet some girls IRL
xaxixh 3y ago
You're right. This post does victimize me here, but I am just trying to rant the situation I am in. I don't really blame my mother for being like that, I just don't know how to handle her temper.
As for university, I'll have to ask my dad for cash although I'll get like 80-90% of scholarship.
The no friends part is to be blamed on me. I've been lazy about it. But I am trying to better my social skills, 1 day at a time.
For the programming part, I've been grinding coding for the past 3 weeks. I already know basic python, vanilla javascript and trying to become a master at HTML and CSS. I have github student pack, so it provides pretty good premium websites for free to learn from.
The post was posted because I was being a beta chuck who couldn't have much patience. But now I am trying to slowly accept that I can't change all of these things overnight and have to work my ass for it.
Intrepid_Place53900 1 3y ago
good.
lay out your goals, make a plan and work toward it.
good luck
[deleted] 3y ago
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xaxixh 3y ago
I wish I could send you images, but I just want you let you know that, I watched the whole video as you commented it and started taking those actions. I'll be consistent and update you in 3 weeks.
[deleted] 3y ago
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kv2_0833 3y ago
programming is a long game, don't burn yourself out, learn enough and just keep applying to jobs. I guarantee you that you will land one in a year assuming you know the basics (and that's a very lax estimate, seriously you don't need to know much for a junior job). Just go to the gym consistently, don't even go hard enough to burn out, just follow a proven program and in a year you'll make so much progress. The thing is, your overall progress won't be linear, you'll feel like 0 for 11 months then on the 12th all of a sudden everything just works out and you don't recognize yourself. Take it from me, I'm 20 now and 19 was one of the most miserable years of my life. And right now I'm fucking loving every day.
No-Stress-Cat 1 3y ago
I didn't move out of my parents' house until I was 22. I met a girl, and with my little bit of savings from odd jobs here and there, packed up the car, picked her up, we just took a drive, and landed in the middle of nowhere, Kansas. We decided we liked it there, and I pawned my computer to come up with a deposit on a small 1-bedroom apartment. I was good to go for a month. That next Monday, I set out to find a job. Ended up landing a factory job. Made pretty good money, and after getting settled in for a couple of years, moved into a 2-bedroom house, yaddah yaddah yaddah.
Sometimes, you just have to get up and go, find you a nice hole somewhere, and settle in for awhile.
xaxixh 3y ago
I have thought about moving away but it sounds a bit scary. If I can't get into the university I am targeting, I am also going to go on the path you choose. Also, how did you even manage to stay at your parents house till 22? What was it like? Didn't you feel suffocated?
No-Stress-Cat 1 3y ago
I worked, so I wasn't home a lot to get the feeling of suffocation. On the weekends I'd go out for a few hours. I never spent a lot of money. Just enough to get some grub, maybe have a few drinks, and call it a night. Saved some bucks, and when the time came, off I went.
You have to look at the situation you're in. You're in school, trying to get into university. That costs money. You're going to have to either keep staying with your parents, or get a job and either get a place of your own or move in with a roommate. Your other option is to put university on hold for a while, get a full-time job, and get out of your parents' house.
Just so you know, I'm a programmer myself. You can always do online courses in your off time (which is what I did), and you can still get student benefits for being at least a half-time student. There's also the option of keeping your skills sharp with online practice, or even doing online contracting here and there to build up your skills and gain some experience (like on Fiver).
From what you're describing, you live in a toxic environment. That's what I would focus on first and foremost. If you're feeling suffocated, that alone is going to pull you down, no matter how much you try to ignore the situation. Having a full-time job will get you out of the house, give you a breath of fresh air, and help you build the confidence you need to pull away more and more from that environment.
AsianDude 3y ago
My advice would be to apply to more than 1 'good university', consider ~5 universities and maybe a backup state school. There's no guarantee that you can get into any university you apply to. As long as you major in the right subjects (e.g. programming), and get a good GPA + internship you shouldn't have extreme difficulty in getting a job after graduating in a first world country.
19 is still young, for me, life really began to improve when I was in my 30s.
mattyanon Admin 3y ago
19 is young........ you've still time to completely reinvent yourself ten times over.
Think of a plan B.... which is probably settle for another uni, or get a job.
Job, friends, girls, whatever..... you can do all of it. What's the next thing you can do to be able to get closer to your goals?
whytehorse2021 3y ago
If I were you I'd join the military, specialize in a trade you can do in the civilian world(HVAC, diesel mechanic, plumber, pilot, etc). Next, break up with your mom. After military you'll be jacked and have a high paying job and the option of free college, VA home loan, and you can have a lot of money saved up since you're not paying for food, rent, or clothes. Eventually you could start your own business in your trade. You can get extra paychecks by doing the reserve or national guard and possibly get a retirement.
Just keep in mind that you're at the lowest SMV of your life. So the only way you can date down is high school girls or cougars(my mainstay during my 20s). Oh and quit porn. It trains your brain to associate orgasmic pleasure with whatever is on the screen.
User4566 3y ago
When I have serious family problems, I leave the house. They will get the hint that I don't like being around them and they will change (or at least attempt).
You go to school? I would chill on campus or study in the library. I would also go to the gym and get a part-time job.
Severely limit your interactions with your parents, but don't be a dick about it and be sarcastic and mean to them. Parents are supposed to be supportive and encouraging of their kids and they sound like they suck at that. You're only 19. When I was 19, I had no friends, no girls, no one cared about me, barely any money, etc.
But remember, you're 19. Not 37. You have a lot of time to change. If you have social anxiety or depression, make baby steps to fix it. I know red-pill stuff can be intimidating with the whole "approach 500 girls a day, brooo, you'll get pussy, brooo". But it's not easy for the inexperienced.
Next time you see a cute girl, ask her the time because your "phone died". This will be the first step to over coming anxiety and that's by facing it. Don't do anything too scary, just enough for you to feel like it's possible to overcome. From there, you will build mental strength and confidence because you can face your fears like a bad mother fucker.
Take it easy, bud.
xaxixh 3y ago
Thanks for the encouraging words. I am definitely going to do the "phone died" thing.
I go to a gym, matter of fact, I've been going there since 1 year. I haven't gained any weight(still 53-55 kgs at 6'0) cause I don't want to bother my parents about it. I know I sound like a loser here, trying to get money from my parent but when I started out I didn't know that doing a job was a viable option, it was a bit scary.
From the next year and onwards, I am going to be paying for my diet, and bulk hard asf. I don't want to be a loser when I am at my peak. Thanks for the kind words again.
User4566 3y ago
Dude, you're not a loser. You're just in a rut and need some time to fix it. A wise man once said "Behind every strong person is a story that gave them no choice."
If I were you, quit the porn immediately because that's a big factor to depression. You really want to jack off everyday instead of talking to women? You're doing that now and you're miserable. It took me a long time to realize how destructive porn is and how it's like free drugs. Stop jerking off too, or at least keep it to 1-2 times a week. The reason I say this is will help encourage you to go out of your comfort zone, you'll need some balls for that.
xaxixh 3y ago
I don't know about the wiseman thing but I have decided to quit on porn.
After posting this post, I have decided to create a list of habits that I want to have which includes:
Going for sprinting every morning Hitting the gym everyday Working as hard as I can Eating right
This might come off as ironic, but to push my comfort zone, I had decided to volunteer for a NGO that teaches sophomore students. I dont know how am I going to do, but I am going to try my best. I am probably going to faint teaching students that are the same age as me but we'll see.