Long story short me and my ltr will have a toxic phase every once in a while. I’ll lose my cool or she’ll lose her cool resulting in us being not so kind to one another. Other than that sex is great. Great vibes. We go on long trips every once in a while and have a great time. Well rounded ltr.
A few weeks ago she was acting bitchy so I said to her stop being bitchy and acting like a bitch or I won’t interact with you. She got mad about that. We didnt talk for a few hrs. She says she doesn’t like when I’m disrespectful and call her names etc etc.
Fast forward to a a couple nights ago where we were out and I lost my cool at her and went off on her and said to her she’s being a bitch. We go back and forth I try to deescalate then I drop her home at her request.
Next day she says that she doesn’t want to be with someone that loses his cool at her and calls her a bitch and that I need to cut that out and next time it happens she’s out. She says that we need to take a step back and build a foundation in our relationship. Wasn’t sure what she meant so I deflected and ignored it and said that we can each work on our problems while we’re together and that I don’t do breaks. She says she’s at work right and will call me back on her lunch break.
Later that night I text her “how’s work” she replies with “works fine”. I call her a short while later and she doesn’t pick up. I text her “call me back”. Next morning I give her another call and then text her this : https://ibb.co/MS16dQj
To be honest she is somewhat toxic herself and does enjoy the push and pull. I spin plates on the side and what not but obviously I want to learn from this situation. What is the best course of action in terms of damage control. And what is the possibility that she won’t be reaching out
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1y ago
I think we've said in your other posts that you're running plate game in your LTR and that it's going to make her break like a plate. Obviously sex is gonna be good if you're running plate game (and have the experience to have good sex) but still we told you what was going to happen.
LTRs do not like overt push pull. LTRs like having a bit of the chase so they don't get bored over a long time but you're even overtly using the words push pull. Shit needs to be subtle, not overt.
Even if I fully take your word for it that's she's a toxic bitch, I can't ignore the obvious tells that you yourself are directing a toxic relationship. Men are the captain of their ship and you seem to consistently steer that ship into stormy waters in every post for almost no reason.
I haven't yet seen much a justified reason to be in the situations you're in with her. They all seem uneccesary, over-reacted to, or situations that might work on a plate but not an LTR
If it's not too late stop running plate game. Getting close to having to run some highly beta game to be honest just to salvage the long-term damage you've done. But being forced to run beta comfort game also would have to be recovered from
Can't determine from your post without previous history, but it's not looking good. Even if she responds it's not looking like it'll be a great response
DastardlyCade 1y ago
I understand what you mean and there’s lots of work to be done. And this relationship has taught me a lot about my patience and tolerance for bullshit and emotional reactivity.
In terms of her. It’s very likely that she’s becoming a mirror image of me sprinkled with a little bit of her own issues.
So far I’ve reached out a few times. She’s been at work working long shifts lately but every once in a while so far she’ll pick up and we’ll have light conversation. Earlier yestedsy She said she’s still thinking about wether she wants to be with me or not and I just played it cool and unphased. Obviously awalt and we watch actions not words. And actions so far show me that despite trying her best to distance herself she’s still reciprocating my advances and despite being hurt about what I said she’s still keeping a line of communication open.
But still things aren’t the way it’s been before. Can you elaborate what you mean by so far the situations I’m in don’t warrant what’s been done or has happened. Do you mean that me calling her a bitch doesn’t warrant the silent treatment? And I’m going to be sprinkling a bit of beta to build comfort after I’ve supposedly broke her down through my words and actions
Is it better to reach out intermittently and play it cool and act like I’m just checking in on her. Or should I go cold and wait till she reaches out.
As my friend has described to me. I’ve caused her hurt and pain and trying to distance myself is only going to soldiy to her that I don’t care so she’s going to try to detach and move on
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1y ago
As it should, we've all fucked up in managing our bitches.
Just end it man. She's gonna break up with you. Even if not this time, next time. Come out on top at least by walking.
She said she's debating being with you. Women use communication as a bargaining chip. Communication is power for women.
I don't fully remember your posts but I think one time was something like calling her out for childhood male friends or something. Just a bunch of overt Chad power plays etc for small and relatively inconsequential things you could have mostly just ignored. I can't remember the details of posts too well but I def remember plays for forcing her into certain frames via power plays etc instead of through influence and charisma.
I suspect she's done. I don't want to push you into ending it if I'm wrong but the "I'm gonna think about it" is pretty much the sign it's done. I've heard it before. Them thinking about it usually means they made up their mind and they're either just trying to figure out the best way to let you down easy still cause they're not ready to pull the trigger for potential backlash and resistance or they're against being with you but have invested so much into it already that they just can't find it in them to end it right here and now
Obviously there are other possible scenarios besides those two but that's pretty much your common scenario
Just come out on top man. Shit's gonna wound your ego if she dumps you first . Come out on top so you at least feel like you've got the upper hand. Gonna make your rebounds so much easier than getting dumped and then climbing back up
DastardlyCade 1y ago
That’s what I was thinking too. But to be quite honest I do admit I’ve been very disrespectful and rude to her and very uncaring. And whatever she decides to do would be because of my actions rather than her cheating or falling out of love. So my ego wouldn’t be damaged as I’ve dug myself into this hole.
with regards to this situation we’ve had incidents in the past where I’ve said certain things and she would ignore me or block me but she would reach out later that day or the next day with some random bs like “call me it’s an emergency” and those were times that I thought we were truly done and I’d cut contact until she reached out.
Then she would say things like ”how come you didn’t reach out during my fake breakup” so I’m thinking what’s happening right now is a nuclear shit test to see how desperate I am.
Even though conversations are dry. I can tell that she still harbours feelings by how soft and gentle she’s talking, it almost sounds sad. She even said earlier “I have work in the morning, good night” Sounds like she’s processing hurt rather than harbouring animosity.
Axlerod9999 1y ago
Let us know in a day or two when she ends it. You are going to learn some very old lessons. That sadness is her letting you go. Your only way out is to either grovel and become the bottom bitch or let the chips fall where they may and dont care (hold frame). Let her end it if you are too attached but show some dignity by now begging or negotiating desire.
DastardlyCade 1y ago
I haven’t shown any weakness. I even told her whatever she decides to do is up to her. But that as we discussed in the beginning of our relationship I don’t do breaks she either wants to continue or not. I think she’s trying to punish me for what I said rather than coming crawling back right away like she usually does.
But I have called her a couple times in a cool and collected manner without actually talking about the relationship. She always picks up and sounds sad
Axlerod9999 1y ago
She can take her time. And i don't know who told you that calling her again and again makes you look cool and calm. She's sad. Let her process it. Either she gets over it or she doesn't. You have no role to play here without being on the losing side. You should anyway not use foul language if you think you are a high value man. What do you accomplish by calling her a bitch. Does it change her behaviour? The golden rule is to never get into a shouting match with anyone let alone a woman. Just ignore and walk away. When my gf wants to argue all i do is listen and then make an excuse to hang up. Give short affirmative responses and pretend to understand her even if she's sounding irrational and insane. If shes being a bitch all i do is get busy more than i am. She gets a hint and becomes sweet.
That's the only way to handle chicks. If you keep arguing even your sister and mother will make your life a living hell. Because they are chicks too.
Let her be. Withdraw attention and presume it's over. It will be hard but all you are doing rightnow is giving her closure
whytehorse2021 1y ago
Sounds like you are getting emotional and she sees that as weak and is leaving you for it.
DastardlyCade 1y ago
She’s still keeping All avenues of communication open. She sometimes ignores my call but when she does pick up my call her tone is really soft and quiet as if she’s processing hurt and pain.
And I do understand that I’ve done and said hurtful things but how do I reverse this. And actually get her to have a productive conversation with me. Is it better to reach out intermittently and play it cool and act like I’m just checking in on her. Or should I go cold and wait till she reaches out.
As my friend has described to me. I’ve caused her hurt and pain and trying to distance myself is only going to soldiy to her that I don’t care so she’s going to try to detach and move on
Axlerod9999 1y ago
why are you asking us? you are anyway going to beg. Its in the way you type your replies
DastardlyCade 1y ago
Nobody is begging. One of my friends told me that I should just reach out every once in a while by call and act calm and unphased. She just needs to process what I did and that I need to let her know that the disrespect won’t continue. He told me that this isn’t the time to play games or be distant because I am the one that created this scenario for myself
Axlerod9999 1y ago
As if she was a paragon of virtue. Mother Mary before this incident. Gimme a break. You have accidentally befriended a beta male. I am not saying go insane but you are willingly not following the script that you know has always worked. That is, you walking away in the sunset and her coming around to it. You were supposed to act right and give comfort before this incident. Not now. That is a sure fire path to betaland. You know what works and you still won't do it. Why ? Just because your 'friend' said so! Who's he some dating guru?
Follow the rules of the game or perish. If you have already apologised then don't do it again. If she wants to talk don't act non chalant. Be responsive and listen. Tell her once that what happened will not be repeated again. But don't keep repeating it like a chump.
If she still is undecided. Let her be. You move on. Until she comes back within reasonable time. Not after a month when she already sucked a few cocks.
whytehorse2021 1y ago
She already told you what to do. Stop losing your cool and being disrespectful.
DastardlyCade 1y ago
We had a conversation the very next day. Where I took accountability for what I said and she followed up with accountbsiliy and apologized for what she said. We were having a calm conversation and then the hamster started spinning and she started thinking about what I said and became a bit angry. Then starts saying things like this is your last chance. “I can’t keep tolerating your disrespect” etc etc. even though she’s hinting that she wants to stay and she picks up my call. She is being distant and not really reaching out herself
whytehorse2021 1y ago
Yeah I don't blame her. I hate disrespectful people. Go learn about stoicism and how to keep your cool under pressure. Learn about ovulatory shift so you can tell what state of mind she's in at any given day of the month. Finally, figure out the reason she's being bitchy. Usually my wife gets bitchy when I haven't dumped a load in her. Semen is an antidepressant btw.