Made the mistake of getting involved with a girl that is very tied into my social circle. Things didn't work out (she wasn't the person she presented herself as initially lol) and am trying to go no contact outside of social situations.
Problem obviously being I can't get around seeing this girl a lot like we have the same group of friends. Until now I have basically just spoken to her very little within our social gatherings. However, because of this she's already bitched to people within the group about how much I hate her and I don't want the unnecessary drama.
My question is how do I maturely deal with the situation? No way I'm abandoning my friend group over this chick but it feels like there's an 800 pound gorilla in the room every time she's around.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1y ago
You could withdraw for now and just let her destroy her own reputation by being a bitch.
I've been in your situation twice (I think I've learned my lesson now) and both times the chick buried herself. If you're likeable and people would prefer you around there's a solid chance she'll fuck herself over.
Maybe I'm projecting here, but is she even likeable? What do other people think of her? Can you just go to the more spread out events like clubs etc and less house party type stuff that's close quarters in your group?
Note. If you got white knights in your group you have to be careful about those fuckers. They're often snakes that will defend pussy just because she's got a pussy
Karenzza 1y ago
I will add an option.
Address it and then withdraw or not depending on many factors.
"We have decided that we have different goals in life and split and never coming back together "
Anyway headon short wih something not ego tripping. Altho second part indicates personal boundary and gives green light to white knights so they feel less threatened. Imo
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1y ago
Yeah, there isn't much harm in telling a couple trusted people why and then bouncing for a bit.
whytehorse2021 1y ago
My 7yr old just went through this. Just refuse to do things that involve her and tell your friends she's the reason. Then it's their choice. Either they hang with you without her or they hang with her without you. Simple.
VUVUzela 1y ago
"My question is how do I maturely deal with the situation? No way I'm abandoning my friend group over this chick but it feels like there's an 800 pound gorilla in the room every time she's around."
My take would be: maintain your contacts within the friend group especially with those that you still want to hang with. I'm sure you come up in situations where you can hang out with some people of the group without her being around.
My take would be to be very neutral if she is a topic in conversation, or even if she's present and you are there.
I don't know how and if there's really bad vibes between you guys, but maybe you have the oportunity to practice your poker face here, if she or any else brings up any dramatic discussion about how you don't like her, maybe go: "wow, that's crazy, we had a good together when we did this or that thing". Or something like that. Positivty and pokerface here. Calm and not reacting to subtle or direct references if any topic you don't want to talk about it.
If this situation is recent, maybe stay low and do your thing for some days-weeks, and then hang out with the gang again.