Gents,
Went out with this girl last night. She’s got a great body and personality - so I was really into it. Very physical, a ton of PDA, and we had a good time. We ended up going back to my car and just started making out. She starts touching me intimately, so we made moves to her place. She mentioned that she wasn’t going to fuck me, which I obviously disarmed by saying “yeah, I wanna watch this documentary; don’t distract me.”
We go to her place, and it’s pretty much on. She tries to play coy/tease, more shit tests. passed them all, and she asked her roommate for condoms (should mention, I overheard her roommate saying not to fuck me, blah blah blah - this chick was huge and is over 27).
Every time I tried to get her clothes off, she’d resist. Saying “I told you no clothes off!” I’d pull away, try again a couple of minutes later only after she would initiate contact (kissing, etc.), but she didn’t let it go beyond just fingering her / jerking me off. She was soaking wet, and so was I.
I spoke to her about her hesitation and she mentioned that she’s only had sex in her last relationship, and was worried this would be meaningless for me, wanted to know how often I had sex and with who. She wanted to know if we could be committed in the future and whatnot. I was empathetic and just said “we don’t have to do this tonight if you’re not ready.”
Got up, got dressed, left. She asked me to text her when I got home, did that, and haven’t responded to her text yet.
I like her, but how do I go about this? Let her initiate first? Let her hamster a bit? Please let me know what you think.
whytehorse2021 1y ago
ASD is just an excuse. "He was cute, I was drunk, and one thing led to another". "I don't know what happened, I just tripped and fell on his dick and it slipped inside me". It's called plausible deniability. The worst thing that can happen to a woman is other women calling her a slut. In this case she wants the plausible deniability that you gave her assurances that this would lead to a relationship(e.g. negotiating desire). It's OK to tell her that if she works out you'd be interested in having 12 kids and getting married. lol.
coolsocks00 1 1y ago
You were being cute here and let her dictate what happened and when. If she wants to play games and give you hard LMR you do a freeze-out. That means pulling back farther than she wants. Even just sitting there watching a movie with her - not to mention making out without further escalation - is only validating her ego.
You needed to show her you were willing to walk away, and not be frustrated or want to talk about it. It makes you more attractive by displaying indifference. Plus, it makes her anxious about keeping you there.
Physically pull away and tell her sincerely that you had a good time. Prepare to leave. If she says you dont have to go, act reluctant. Let her talk you into staying. If it works it shifts frame in your favor. If not, then she wanted the validation more than she wanted you. Then it's on to the next. Give it 1 or 2 tries, no more.