Currently I'm reading 48 laws of power and reading law 10 (Infection: Avoid the unhappy and unlucky) was quite fascinating, bc. it literally describes people with BPD and how they brought down others. (And therefore it says you should avoid them obviously.)
This got me thinking about this:
During the pandemic I was quite in a dark place. I was isolated, no friends no girls, I had no job, I was just a fucking failure. This resulted in me getting depressed and to fix that and myself I wanted to try therapy. I started with one, I liked her but she didn't think anything was wrong with me, so I visited another one. I answered some questions on some tests. It turned out I was suffering from a "moderate depression", which seemed about right. She also did another test which was about personality traits. It came out that I had traits of several PDs (Personality disorders). Some of them were BPD, NPD, Avoidant PD, Dependent PD. (I need to say here that these results probably just meant I had traits of these PDs and was somewhat "on the spectrum" of those disorders. I don't know for sure if I actually have any of these PDs)
When I think about it, it makes quite sense, bc I have always been somewhat impulsive with a short temper (I though that was just bc I was italian lol) and can fluctuate in different emotions quite fast.
Now why I come up with all that stuff: I have been struggling socially for quite some time. Even though I have improved I still struggle with ppl staying with me / actively choosing my company. Since 48 laws adviced to stay away from BPDs I assume that might be the cause why some keep me at an arms distance.
To my questions:
Does anyone have experience actually having BPD (or it having some other male in your life)?
What are tools/advice the RP gives to men with BPD? How can I fix it/work with it?
I already tried therapy twice, but it's shit and too expensive. So I wanna do it on my own.
whytehorse2021 3y ago
I went to a psychiatrist, took a personality test, got diagnosed with narcissism. Went back 2 years later and got diagnosed with bipolar(cyclothymia). 25 years later I found out I have autism which is often misdiagnosed as narcissism or bipolar.
I reconnected with an old HS GF who has a masters in therapy and has her own practice. She wanted me to take some invalid Myer's Briggs personality test. It said I'm an introvert(not true) and a few other things.
So you have a few things to worry about here. Are you getting valid results from these tests? Are you seeing quality therapists?
After I found out about my autism, I went to a therapist who had worked in a state mental institute. She dealt with the real deal narcissists. The people who think they're Jesus. She had all kinds of stories about how they would get into fights in the lunch line because so many of them thought they were Jesus. I have a mother who is a real deal narcissist so the therapist was able to help me navigate it. I also have a sister who is the real deal BPD and I can tell you it is life wrecking.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 3y ago
Do you split??
Splitting us a primary feature of BPD, I didn't see you describe this anywhere.
Whoever you saw didn't seem particularly effective at diagnosis and just threw wet napkins at the wall to see what stuck a little bit
So many disorders have impulsivity as a feature, I think she did more damage to finding a random diagnosis than had she handed you the dsm and told you to diagnose yourself
Boosted_Arrow 3y ago
Yeah I did split, I kinda forgot that.
I started working on that with journaling and meditation and I got better in that regards.
As I said it wasn't really a diagnosis, the test I took was more to determine if I was on any "spectrum" of a PD. (I think we use here the ICD)
Vermillion-Rx Admin 3y ago
Splitting is really chaotic and your entire views and reactions towards something shift rapidly, typically while fearing abandonment.
Is this you?
Boosted_Arrow 3y ago
During my 'phase' in the pandemic I was def. this. (It was also a shitty time where anything could have tipped me completely over)
Now I'm better, but I still switch between liking or hating a person very fast for example. I react impulsively to things. Emotions get the better of me.
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Boosted_Arrow 3y ago
You should def. research BPD so that you can spot it in a girl if necessary. Researching the other PDs is also useful.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 3y ago
Dichotomous thinking is not splitting. splitting is a fundamental world view shift instantaneously.
Like a BPD girl loves you and then at a dime's notice wants nothing to do with you and then she loves you again. That's splitting.
Alternating between two opposing thoughts is not splitting. Splitting is chaotic, I strongly doubt you have it
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Vermillion-Rx Admin 3y ago
BPD is disruptive to the point of dysfunction. All disorders involve dysfunction, simply having a mild version of a trait is not clinically disordered. It has less to do my with acting chaotic and more that the cognitions are impairing
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Vermillion-Rx Admin 3y ago
Could just be a feminist who can't handle.the word hoe.
Splitting is severe and not dependent on context. Splitting occurs as a feature of their life, not a situational reaction with backstory
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No-Stress-Cat 3y ago
What do you mean that you might have BPD? You went to a therapist and didn't get confirmation? Sounds like a shitty therapist to me. Find you a male psychiatrist and find out for sure. Too many internet armchair psych 101 "therapists" who write such bullshit that have no fucking clue what they're talking about.
Boosted_Arrow 3y ago
Read my OP again.
The test was about all personality traits in general. Probably I was leaning into the BPD spectrum, but it was obviously not enough to say I had any PD. For that we should have done a BPD specific test. I don't know how it really works, but that's how I understand it.
I visited a therapist in person.
Diabs 3y ago
Mental health is a modern money making industry
why are you trying to find out what's wrong with you?
Get off social media and live in the real world before you get sucked into the trap.
Not trying to sound offensive but handing your will and your life over to big pharma and psychs should be a last resort.
Boosted_Arrow 3y ago
Read my post again, I explained everything in there ffs.
Diabs 3y ago
I did read your post you said you went to a psych who didn't slap you with a label so you went shopping for another. You wanna label so now you can identify with it and it's not your fault anymore.
You said it yourself you got lonely and isolated during COVID that's why I asked you why you needed to find a problem.
Women look for labels and excuses men go sort their shit out.
Boosted_Arrow 3y ago
Well it's easy to say that, but she said to me that she didn't think anything's wrong with me. (Like no depression. I didn't think I had any PDs, nor did I rlly know them.) I realized she wouldn't help me, so I wanted a second opinion. First she ran a test, sth the first didn't do. I didn't care about the opinion of anyone (me included), I just wanted objectively to know what was up with me. The test said I had "moderate depression", which seemed right to me.
About the PDs: She gave me stuff to read about BPD and NPD and I continued reading online (mostly wikipedia and other pages that explained and defined the PDs). I didn't think I had any PD (again a test should have been made), but the traits of BPD just seemed so accurate to me.
I don't look for an excuse. In fact it's easier if you can name the problem, bc then you know what you are dealing with and you can go through an established plan to combat it.
Knowing that when women rejected me was bc they saw me as beta is better than just thinking I am a loser. Like that I have name of the problem and I can fix it easier. There's nothing "unmanly" about looking what resembles your problem and looking how others solved it.
And I don't care if it's my fault or not, bc I and ONLY I have to live with the consequences.