Serious replies only, by people who know what they do.
This girl, an absolute 9.5/10, joined my charity recently (a national charity with several branches). She's model material with 100k+ followers and such. However, all of her pictures are tasteful, they are more on the beauty classy side than the "sexy" side.
I didn't pay much attention to her at all, and kind of wrote her off as one of those social media attention seekers. and I don't have much time anyway, I already have a gf.
Anyway, a few months on, she finally spends some good time in my branch. At the charity I have good status as the head of my geo region with a fair amount of responsibility and clout.
She drops a couple of hints that I ignore. I honestly thought she was playing with my head and wanting attention - there are far too many of these overly flirty girls at this charity and I try my best to keep my head below that. On the third hint she got me curious and I asked for her number.
I asked her out for a drink and I was thinking a quick 30 minutes get to know each other. 7 hours later, many laughs, jokes, probably about 4 or 5 glasses of wine and multiple bars.
Long story short we had an absolute blast. Turns out she was somewhat nervous of me and enjoyed the night immensely. I could tell she was nervous because of body language and such. She recounts many instances that she observed me over the last few months, some of which I didn't even remember that showed she was paying attention a lot and she was clearly intrigued by me for whatever reason...
Anyway attraction was clear. I was somewhat gobsmacked actually but did my best not to show it. She has people after her by the droves I'm not kidding. She's accomplished but I did get a hint of loneliness - I think a lot of people are straight up intimidated by her.
Over the following days I asked her out one more time before she left. Once again I plan a couple of quick things but we end up with 6-7 hours of flirting, laughs and all around great time.
However, one key thing is she was extremely resistant to physical escalation. I didn't get much after these 2 days, which was wild for me because I am used to take a girl home after 1-2 hours of talking to her, sometimes less (my n count is 100+).
And so we parted on good terms and I do my standard radio silence. I write her off at this point although the sexual and emotional energy is through the roof. I never see a girl again if she doesn't put out in the first "date" or night out (except for my current gf where we slept on the second date), much less the second.
She reaches out a number of times over text, and I say why the hell not but I wanted to lay down the law, we meet again for a date, which I open by saying I am not sure where she sees this going but she should save her time if she doesn't see this escalating somewhere interesting, I do not want us to waste each others time.
At this point, she breaks down, shaking in my arms, tells me she has a long distance bf, she doesn't see it going anywhere, and she's unsure what to do in life - at this point she can barely give eye contact. She said she doesn't understand why I wanted to speed things up so much (I honestly don't understand, I got the vibe she was extremely reserved and conservative and doesn't sleep around, sure, but I'm not waiting around forever, she must be living under a rock if she thinks I'll stick around without escalating or if she is used to guys doing that with her).
I do my best to calm things down, and once again we enjoy another 3 hours of fun and laughter, with some tasteful dancing to good music. I cut it somewhat short, We part ways - and I tell her she should figure stuff out before we meet again. All on amicable terms and she agreed.
I also found that she is honest, uncomplicated, replies to texts immediately. Just a breath of fresh air compared to the mind games and maze of shit tests I get with other girls, albeit extremely resistant to any form of serious physical escalation, which I attribute to a strongly held belief that she shouldn't be cheating. Probably Fair.
So at this point I'm staring at my fucking computer screen and I cannot get her out of my mind. I'm honestly not sure whether I should pursue this any further.
Part of me thinks I am wasting my time, and the other part you can tell is going through waves of MOFO and I want to see this progress. God knows she charmed the fuck out of me that's for sure (and I, of her, too). fuck.
Any ideas on how to deal with this are appreciated.
(also if you're going to moralise me go stuff it i don't care).

edjohn88 3y ago
A) quoting from Rollo's latest book "never escalate until DHV has been established". I hadn't thought of this before either, but the simplest answer is no matter how flirty and fun a chick is, if you can't escalate one bit, she doesn't see you as high value. Whether you can still DHV or not depends on a million things.
B) If she's really into you but unsure of this boyfriend situation, it's not necessarily an impossible situation. I've seen that a lot of women have a concrete rule about first date sex and despite the RP opinions there might just not be a man on the planet who could get her to forget that. Remember it's an ASD thing as much as an issue with you. Who knows what really is going on in her own life, but long distance boyfriends mean even less than typical boyfriends they sneak around on. If you cannot DHV over whatever she thinks of this boyfriend, you have no shot. If you can, then it probably doesn't matter how serious her relationship is, currently.
whytehorse2021 3y ago
The lack of shit tests means you're her girlfriend.
coolsocks00 1 3y ago
She liked when you didnt pay her any attention like the usual crowd do.
Then you're going on hours long dates, showing her a great time, with little to no escalation.
She is trying to win you over. She wants another fan. And she's almost got you.
AWALT, dont kid yourself by thinking she is special because of her supposed conservative views. Her fans and her looks has created an ego that is like an inflatable toy, ready to burst were a true alpha to come by. Because while she wants another fan to further inflate her ego, what she really yearns for and needs is a guy who doesnt give a fuck about that and has a rock solid frame.
You're forgetting that you are the prize. If she doesnt enter your frame and put out, then she isnt worth your time.
financehardo420 3y ago
^ this. if she’s really an ig model type w/ 100k followers I promise you there are literally thousands of simps in her dms and then like athletes n rappers n shit lmfao.
Her noticing small details n shut… that is all woman witchcraft. The girls that want you will fuck you and be excited to fuck you. You’ll notice by how wet their pussy gets just at the sight of you.
filtereduuu 3y ago
I had some time to reflect on this. I think I have goofed, and this is progressing no further. I give it 0%.
Basically what you said is true. I displayed HV and did not care. She came after me even thought she had a bf. I overinvested and showed my cards - I entered her frame too much by spending too much time. She lost attraction and used the bf excuse.
Standard RP really. AWALT, frame theory, and withdrawing attention.
Welp, live and learn. Licking my wounds and moving on. This experience certainly sharpened my focus.
No-Stress-Cat 1 3y ago
The one thing that stuck out to me here was that she has a long-distance boyfriend, and going out with other guys. Like coolsocks stated, AWALT. She probably tells him shit like "Oh, It'S jUsT oNe Of My FaNs TeE hEe..." At this point, I'd lay it out to her...DTF or CYA.
Problematic_Browser 1 3y ago
You already have a GF, why do you give a shit about this attention vampire?