Im very independent, like my own time, naturally aloof, naturally confident and naturally dont take shit from woman. Its also very common for me to text back hours later even to the hottest woman because i just forget to text back or am too busy. Because of this i do very good in casual dating. Its also very hard for me to catch feelings in casual sex scenarios and its usual for the woman to start acting "funny" with me around the 1-2 month of hooking up. Im able to walk away from anything no matter how much i love someone because im very detached naturally and focused on myself.
I have experimented with a few LTR's in my lifetime and I have trouble being beta. The first one I was too alpha and it broke. The second one i "learned" my lesson and tried being more beta but i think i was too beta, when the truth is i was faking the "beta" part.
I have trouble balancing the beta aspects of LTR's. It feels forced to me and i spend lots of mental energy in LTR's trying to decipher if im being too beta or not. My natural baseline is alpha so i cant just "be myself" because i will break an LTR eventually.
Another thing that pisses me off, is giving my exs the satisfaction that they "tamed the alpha and made him beta" when it couldnt be farther from the truth. I was acting beta the whole time because i operate on a very aloof non-needy frame usually. Im not a robot, yes I will catch feelings if they are official and we are going long enough but i keep the ratio good at 2:3 i never am more invested then them.
Im having a very dificult time balancing this beta:alpha ratio out on LTR's . I can easily run plate game because youre allowed to be alpha and get rewarded for it, but i felt you get punished for being alpha in a LTR via comfort tests and insecurity and if youre too alpha i have noticed women will play jealousy games on you because youre being too alpha and they think you have side chicks (I have had this happen in all 3 of my LTR's when ive been faithful). Im also very cut throat and if i feel im being taken for granted or platyed with i will cut the girl off before most men do, because i refuse to be that guy being disrespected for months and months. Ill cut them off at the 3rd instance.
An example of my beta behavior is that I dont buy flowers or anything beta or write love letters. But moreso I try to reciprocate their feelings to a degree, my first gf i used to ignore her when she would say she loved me, because i wanted to only say it if i meant it. It was a big issue and i overcompensated in my future relationships. Sometimes I will genuinely do things for my LTR's like be there for them during hard times, only because I truly value being a "rock" I am obsessed with being this stoic man in their life. Sometimes I feel women think its beta of me deep down even though it is your "boyfriend duty". I like to be there for my woman and show her i care but maybe some woman think its "nice guy" covert contracts when its not at all.
TLDR; Im definitely a natural bad boy growing up, I have criminal facial features (high cheekbone, prominent brow, big jaw, strong chin, "hunter" eyes, etc) and high testosterone frame (mesomorph bodytype) and facial feautres, so as a teenager i was treated like the attractive bad boy. Unfortunately this early upbringing carried over into adulthood, i just look like a 25 year old bad boy now with a bunch of casual dating experience but im horrible in relationships. I refuse to be treated like the beta provider they settled for so i will only LTR girls who treat me like an alpha in a LTR. When they begin treating me badly i cut them off and they call me heartless and savage. I dont give them enough chances. Its not a strength, its a weakness i want to fix. But it roots from high self esteem. I really know its a problem but i dont know how to fix it? I want to be able to have a functional relationship with a good woman and i know that eventually they will treat you a way you may not like, for a few weeks or months. They wont worship you 100% of the time, thats not realistic. How do you rough that out without dejecting from them?
I hold women I date to a high standard but thats because i feel worthy of that and i am on my career, swole, socially confident, i network a lot with people, i have lots of life experience at a young age of 25. I recently broke up with an ex of mine and i learned so much about myself, like my limitations in a relationship as i discussed on this post. I want to fix these issues for the next one, i want to not be like my uncle who was a womanizer until age 50s and is now living loney without a wife and kids. He just has amazing stories but at the end of the day he seems unhappy and just has a dog now and not much else.
coolsocks00 1 1y ago
It's been touched on already that girls dont want romance and shit like flowers, they crave leadership, control and investment in a LTR.
Two relevant posts; one is a preface for the other: https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/8dqf35/indifference_and_control_why_you_dont_wanna_be/ https://www.trp.red/p/humansockpuppet/754
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1y ago
It's not about "being beta" it's about not being so alpha that she breaks like a plate.
People say you need to be "part beta" in LTR's because that's the short-hand way of describing it.
Of course there are a few beta things you have to do like celebriting anniversaries, birthdays, standard holidays, and you have to comfort them, but you don't HAVE TO BE BETA
bonus813 1y ago
The most beta things i did was "I miss you too" "I love you too" when she asked. Basically I reciprocated but never initiated the lovey shit.
I just find it super weird and try hard witty cringy when people recommend the "I know you love me". Every once in a while is cool, but i dont like to waste energy trying to be cocky in a relationship with witty replies like that. Ill just reciprocate AS LONG as they are exclusive with me and behaving well. If theyre a plate I will be cocky or no reply.
Thats pretty much the only beta thing. Is it beta to be a girl's rock when she is going through stormy times?
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1y ago
Reciprocating those statements is not beta. Would be if you were telling her you miss her etc first
No, this is expected in LTR. You just don't want to do it in a way that makes it look like you're seeking validation for helping her
Problematic_Browser 1 1y ago
A lot of you "natural alphas" can't seem to figure out how to move. Weird, right?
This shit isn't that hard, you just care too much about women who aren't your wife. I shouldn't be too hard on you, because I've been doing this for 15 years longer than you have but FFS guy...they aren't your wife, why do you care so fucking much?
A "nATuraL AlpHa" wouldn't lose a minute of sleep over this.
[deleted] 1y ago
[--removed--]
bonus813 1y ago
Thats bullshit. Alpha males arent robots. They make mistakes and learn from them. How do they learn? From the pain, the loss, it spurs them to take action. I dont think you understand the psyche of an alpha, they are not immune to emotions and pain and failure. They just learn and overcome it.
Problematic_Browser 1 1y ago
cope
You care too much about women you've given nothing of permanence to.
coolsocks00 1 1y ago
Dont know what you've been smoking these past 15 years but it's not good.
Having abundance and outcome independence doesn't mean you shouldn't improve and learn from your mistakes. Here's a fact: if an LTR is "nothing of permanence", so is marriage.
Problematic_Browser 1 1y ago
You know literally nothing about me, but I'll be happy to give you some info:
I don't do drugs. Drugs are for fucking losers - they're a cope for people who can't manage reality.
I not only learn from my mistakes, but I learn from the mistakes of others. I'm a commissioned military officer. I'm an amateur body builder. You don't get to where I'm at in life by being a fool, undisciplined, or unambitious. You know what else holds men back?
Giving a shit about women who aren't your family or wife.
And marriage is permanent, or it should be if we didn't live in clown world. You wouldn't know that though because I suspect you haven't been on this earth long enough (not an insult, just a commentary on age) to remember when people got married and stayed married.
If you want to actually have this conversation, I welcome it but leading with puerile insults is only going to guarantee that I won't take you seriously.
coolsocks00 1 1y ago
Didnt mean to give you the impression that i care. I know you're proud of "having done this for over 15 years", along with your other great accomplishments, but the advice is bad and makes it seem like you're contradicting yourself. If you wanna get married, you will be in a LTR first, so you obviously should care.
And marriage might be permanent in a parallel universe, but not in this one.
whytehorse2021 1y ago
FYI beta = protection, provisioning, and parental investment. I have no clue what you're talking about. Women don't like flowers and love letters, that's romance and men are the romantics.
Will Smith is an example of a natural alpha but he's blue pilled. Sounds like you're more of a red pilled alpha. The key to these LTRs is to let the woman fall into your frame and provide the feminine role. The analogy is a ship with a Captain and First Mate. You're the Captain and she's the First Mate. If all your First Mates are running mutinees then the problem is with the Captain. Either you don't know how to pick First Mates or you don't know how to run a ship. Perhaps your "high self esteem" is just narcissism.
bonus813 1y ago
You have a point. But theyre not all running mutinees. A common complaint is that they think i dont care enough about them, dont love them enough, they doubt my feelings for them.
I think its because i dont express my undying love for them like other betas do...? I have not figured this out yet, if i knew the issue i would fix it. The truth is i care about every LTR i had, hence why they were promoted i dont promote plates for no reason.
As a result i overcompensate and when they say "I love you" il lsay it back. As long as weve been dating enough. But usually the first few "I love you's" i dont reciprocate because i dont love them yet, and i have learned that women value that honesty in the beginning phases.
Terra 1y ago
First of all 3 short LTRs is not that many to draw SolID conclusions.
Sounds like usual stuff women say to make man beta, I wonder can you shut up and just treat them like children when they run mutiny (kiss on a forehead + smile or raised eyebrow + no words). Next you will def hear replies that you come across spoiled western women and its expected in which case you would.have to move somwhere like Russia to experience the.difference. you.would.have to eliminate many possibilities to find out who is the problem and if you, then what is the problem.
With so much details that each person can provide and omit it is always guess work. Did you think to get therapist to evaluate your behaviour? You would have to provide tons of.videos even then.
Any Brother or good.friend, to evaluate your behavior when you try being less alpha? In person.
Would getting an animal, that requires regular personal care, make any difference longterm to your caring abilities? And yeah obstruction that this kind of animal causes.would be by design. Your uncle.has a dog as he.has nothing left, likely not obstruction for him.
whytehorse2021 1y ago
That does sound strange. It's like you're failing comfort tests or something. In an LTR women need a sense of security that you're not going to ditch them while they're pregnant(evolutionary psychology). It's hard-wired in their brains. This is where the 3 Ps come in: protection, provisioning, and parental investment. You have to signal that you're going to give that to her. Obviously going exclusive is a huge signal which is why I'm a little confused. Maybe you're just picking high maintenance women, lol. I mean maybe they're just defective women and they ruin perfectly good relationships for no reason. So then that would go back to you picking a better First Mate.
I have a lot of experience vetting women. I can usually spot the ones that would make good wives in a short amount of time. They're usually the homely dork chicks that guys pass up like JustPearlyThings https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vw8U-uPmVEU and RealFemSapien https://www.youtube.com/c/RealFemSapien .
I can also spot hoes really well. So I'm just wondering if your woman picker is hosed.
Terra 1y ago
Pearly, she would not get me up, way too big
Sapien is my type and ok
What about Torcia, she is d3alng with rollo but look of.th3 hoe
Problematic_Browser 1 1y ago
Pearly would be my type if I were into white women
whytehorse2021 1y ago
Tori was a bartender. Basically a hoe/party girl. She'd make a terrible wife/mother.
[deleted] 1y ago
[--removed--]