Im very independent, like my own time, naturally aloof, naturally confident and naturally dont take shit from woman. Its also very common for me to text back hours later even to the hottest woman because i just forget to text back or am too busy. Because of this i do very good in casual dating. Its also very hard for me to catch feelings in casual sex scenarios and its usual for the woman to start acting "funny" with me around the 1-2 month of hooking up. Im able to walk away from anything no matter how much i love someone because im very detached naturally and focused on myself.

I have experimented with a few LTR's in my lifetime and I have trouble being beta. The first one I was too alpha and it broke. The second one i "learned" my lesson and tried being more beta but i think i was too beta, when the truth is i was faking the "beta" part.

I have trouble balancing the beta aspects of LTR's. It feels forced to me and i spend lots of mental energy in LTR's trying to decipher if im being too beta or not. My natural baseline is alpha so i cant just "be myself" because i will break an LTR eventually.

Another thing that pisses me off, is giving my exs the satisfaction that they "tamed the alpha and made him beta" when it couldnt be farther from the truth. I was acting beta the whole time because i operate on a very aloof non-needy frame usually. Im not a robot, yes I will catch feelings if they are official and we are going long enough but i keep the ratio good at 2:3 i never am more invested then them.

Im having a very dificult time balancing this beta:alpha ratio out on LTR's . I can easily run plate game because youre allowed to be alpha and get rewarded for it, but i felt you get punished for being alpha in a LTR via comfort tests and insecurity and if youre too alpha i have noticed women will play jealousy games on you because youre being too alpha and they think you have side chicks (I have had this happen in all 3 of my LTR's when ive been faithful). Im also very cut throat and if i feel im being taken for granted or platyed with i will cut the girl off before most men do, because i refuse to be that guy being disrespected for months and months. Ill cut them off at the 3rd instance.

An example of my beta behavior is that I dont buy flowers or anything beta or write love letters. But moreso I try to reciprocate their feelings to a degree, my first gf i used to ignore her when she would say she loved me, because i wanted to only say it if i meant it. It was a big issue and i overcompensated in my future relationships. Sometimes I will genuinely do things for my LTR's like be there for them during hard times, only because I truly value being a "rock" I am obsessed with being this stoic man in their life. Sometimes I feel women think its beta of me deep down even though it is your "boyfriend duty". I like to be there for my woman and show her i care but maybe some woman think its "nice guy" covert contracts when its not at all.

TLDR; Im definitely a natural bad boy growing up, I have criminal facial features (high cheekbone, prominent brow, big jaw, strong chin, "hunter" eyes, etc) and high testosterone frame (mesomorph bodytype) and facial feautres, so as a teenager i was treated like the attractive bad boy. Unfortunately this early upbringing carried over into adulthood, i just look like a 25 year old bad boy now with a bunch of casual dating experience but im horrible in relationships. I refuse to be treated like the beta provider they settled for so i will only LTR girls who treat me like an alpha in a LTR. When they begin treating me badly i cut them off and they call me heartless and savage. I dont give them enough chances. Its not a strength, its a weakness i want to fix. But it roots from high self esteem. I really know its a problem but i dont know how to fix it? I want to be able to have a functional relationship with a good woman and i know that eventually they will treat you a way you may not like, for a few weeks or months. They wont worship you 100% of the time, thats not realistic. How do you rough that out without dejecting from them?

I hold women I date to a high standard but thats because i feel worthy of that and i am on my career, swole, socially confident, i network a lot with people, i have lots of life experience at a young age of 25. I recently broke up with an ex of mine and i learned so much about myself, like my limitations in a relationship as i discussed on this post. I want to fix these issues for the next one, i want to not be like my uncle who was a womanizer until age 50s and is now living loney without a wife and kids. He just has amazing stories but at the end of the day he seems unhappy and just has a dog now and not much else.