I just moved into a new place, and my neighbour (25, female) invited me for a beer in the garden space we share. It was her, her close friend, and three dudes she kind of knew (all mid/late 20s).
First couple hours were normal, just drinking and chatting. But as it got later, there were a couple of odd and subtly disrespectful comments made towards me by one of the guys.
The first one, I was talking to one of the girls, and she mentioned her accent. It was quite thick, so I said "I'd definitely pin you as a Scouser, it's quite thick". The guy, who wasn't involved in the convo, laughed mockingly and said "would you, yeah? Very astute". It was unambiguously sarky and mocking, but I just said "thanks" and kept talking to the girl.
A bit later, I started a conversation with the same girl, asking her about the house purchase she was about to make. I saw him out the corner of my eye, tap his friend on the arm so he could watch me. He was on the border of laughing and kind of shaking his head as though he couldn't believe what he was seeing. As I spoke, he would laugh to his friend and I heard him say "what's he.." but I was trying to just ignore him and carry on talking.
I'm worried that something about my mannerisms or way of speaking come across as 'off' - can't put my finger on it, but maybe tryhard or pretentious or goofy/cringe in some way. He was acting as though i was doing extremely cringe flirting or something.
Stuff like this has happened to me over the years - people laughing at/teasing me for what I saw as innocuous comments during conversation.
Im kinda annoyed i didnt challenge him assertively, but didnt wanna come off as confrontational weirdo in front of new neighbour. I guess it's best to best just to ignore? That's fine, I can do that, but I'm more concerned over what is says about me that this isn't a rare occurrence.
I worry people think I'm a cringe guy, which is the worst thing you can be perceived as in social situations. And it's tough because I felt relatively comfortable and was genuinely just being myself.
Sorry it got ranty but I'd appreciate any insight you guys might have. I tend to ruminate on stuff like this, probably to my detriment
GrassIsGood 1y ago
"I'm worried that something about my mannerisms or way of speaking come across as 'off' - can't put my finger on it, but maybe tryhard or pretentious or goofy/cringe in some way. He was acting as though i was doing extremely cringe flirting or something."
I feel like this all the time. Probably just because I don't have much social experience and need to practice more though.
Does this happen in all social situations or just this one instance? Have you had better experiences in most cases? It could just be that this girl's friends were trying to keep you off her or something. Often girls' friends are beta and are waiting to shoot their sniper shot by making friends with them first.
WoodstockVintage 1y ago
The girl didn't actually know these two guys, so it wasn't that. I think he had just seen something in me that was repulsive and wanted to mock/shut me down accordingly.
It doesn't happen in every social event, but it's happened enough times for me to see a pattern.
I wish I could put my finger on it. I think the closest word is "cringe" - as in people just find me cringeworthy. But cringeworthiness is quite a complex thing and hard to define
GrassIsGood 1y ago
They sound immature to begin with, but hmm well my cringe interactions usually stem from my extremely logical, rational, analytical and conscientious thinking patterns. Small talk is my biggest weak point. It's a chore but I see its uses now in regards to socializing/flirting so I've been studying it and trying to find opportunities to practice. I've had people and tests tell me I might have borderline autism/aspergers...Who knows
whytehorse2021 1y ago
Isolate and escalate. Busy right now exchanging bodily fluids with a woman, sorry.
chadinthemaking69 1y ago
This reads like “typing while I’m balls deep in your mom bitch”
whytehorse2021 1y ago
It doesn't make it wrong. Your mom is hot.
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WoodstockVintage 1y ago
Yeah it's true that normal, well-adjusted people don't behave like this. I would never disrespect someone I'd just met (or anyone really) in this manner. I find it bizarre and extremely childish.
But I can only assume that others see me as "off", cringe, or whatever it is, and just don't say it. I don't want to be those things, even if normal people won't play off it.
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GrassIsGood 1y ago
Yes flirting is about how you say it. You could be talking about your favorite brand of cereal for god sake but say it sexy and it's attractive and smooth.
WoodstockVintage 1y ago
That's an interesting question.
I think it may have come off as know-it-all and tryhard. As in "I, with my superior accent-discerning abilities, would definitely be able to tell you're a Scouser". The "very astute" comment would then make sense (it's still a cunty thing to say to a stranger though).
And I think it was probably communicated in this way because of my tone, rather than through the words themselves.
I think my tone of voice and intonation give people the wrong impression, not sure how to go about changing it.
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coolsocks00 1 1y ago
If that worked none of us would be here in the first place.
Rinse and repeat.
GrassIsGood 1y ago
This is the classic crabs trying to pull the ones trying to get out, back into the barrel. They will tell you to stop trying to be someone you aren't, etc. but it's just because they are envious that you are taking action to improve yourself and they are still too lazy to and therefore will even further increase their competition.
Whenever someone says "Just be yourself" I have to stop myself from bursting into laughter. It's the worst possible advice in the universe. YOURSELF SUCKS. IMPROVE AND CHANGE yourself don't keep doing what isn't working. smh
WoodstockVintage 1y ago
Good points. Thank you