I recently said some pretty fucked up shit to my LTR during an argument about a few things that had all boiled to the surface at the same time. She has understandably has detached from me for the last 3 days and wont take my calls or respond to my messages with anything more than a "I hear you but I don't really know what you want me to say.." (I sent her a few texts explaining that I know I fucked up and that I was very sorry for saying what I said).
So basically I know I fucked up and I'm sort of feeling like yeah in this instance I have to grab my balls and own up to this. I imagine that if I don't address it head on and instead try to show comfort instead with a brief "sorry" thrown in that it won't be enough for her to see I do actually really regret what I said if you get me.
Yeah just trying to sort this one out. I done fucked up.
whytehorse2021 1y ago
Yes. Solid frame means owning your mistakes. In this case it sounds like she's waiting for you to take the lead but you're waiting for her to take the lead. So take the lead and lead your self and LTR through it. If you can't do that, she's just going to be like "wtf? what do you want me to say?".
desbryant 1y ago
Yeah man its not beta. Owning up to your mistakes is what leaders and alphas do.
Betas will deny everything, blame her, blame this, blame the hard day at work, blame the beers they had.
Just know that if you keep repeating the mistake, is a bad look even if you own up to it. Then you create another problem, she will think you have no emotional control, thats usually the sign of a "real man" so you dont want to break that perception.
Beers4cheers 1y ago
Conflict should be a source of growth in relationships. You're two different people, after all. Own it, be transparent and try to understand what led to the blow up so you can avoid them in the future. There's something causing it at an emotional level and you need to understand it rationally.
You're self-censoring for some reason. Probably someone in your past trained you to do this, this phenomenon is explained in the No More Mr Nice Guy book, and it ironically leads to more aggression.
mattyanon Admin 1y ago
Ok...... you've hurt her, fucked up and she's distancing herself from you.
You want an attitude like "look girl, I'm really sorry about the things I said...... let's meet so I can apologise properly....... but if you don't want to, I completely understand and will stop trying to get hold of you".
The last half is really important because if you constantly chase and she constantly says no, you just look pathetic.
bonus813 1y ago
Dont girls hate high pressure meetups like this? They can perceive it as awkward or intense or whatever.
Terra 1y ago
If they want you they will have no problem to meet. They love drama and wont meet only if you have lost too much value.