Getting girls and holding down a relationship for some years seems to be the easy part. But after having kids everything seems to go downhill from personal experience and knowing many others that this has happened to. The sex decreases, your partner gets more shitty with you. Less intimacy and so on. What’s the secret apart from keeping frame because you can’t exactly soft next or ghost them when you have a kid with them?? Any expertise or advice would be great because I think this is an area everyone seems to overlook and by looking at the stats, tends be where everyone fucks ups.
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Durek_The_Bald 3y ago
Been married for a year, and we have a kid who's about a year and a half. So I'm no expert or anything, and I'm sure there will be plenty of "phases" I still have to experience and deal with.
We have separate economies, and I'm protected financially, so no issues there. I work, she works, and we make about the same. Still, having a kid you want to provide with a two-parent household means you're not really "outcome independent", so there's that. Also, kids that age are hard work, so it's nice to be two.
Sex was an issue for a while. Probably a combination of hormones and breastfeeding, post-birth bodily issues, and me not handling it well. We'd go at it like rabbits during pregnancy, and for the first 10 months or so after birth (except first month after birth). The usual dirty, filthy stuff I enjoy.
Then there was a bit of a shut-down. Frequency was still ok, but quality suffered. Suddenly, certain holes were barred, I wasn't feeling her feeling it, and it just got kinda boring. I got impatient, and cheated on her a few times with a couple of proper sluts. It is what it is, I'll take that to the grave, and she'll never know for sure.
Now things are back to normal, so looking back, I probably should've been more patient with her getting comfortable in her body again. It was confusing, because I expected it to be that way after birth - not things going quickly back to normal for months, and THEN LATER a drop-off. So I interpreted that as a lot of things it probably weren't.
We'll see how we'll fare going forward. I know I can easily get other women if things turn to shit, but like I said, because of the kid I'd ideally like to take on the challenge, and steer this ship somewhere good. Of course, there's always the issue with male nature (you want new pussy and ass), but I can live with that as long as I can use her body just how I like - which is the case right now. It sort of quells the thirst for new pussy.
I think my main thing to work with right now is to be more stoic. She's a good girl and all, but women will always be somewhat annoying. So it's up to me to keep a good mood, not get baited into unnecessarily bad vibes over minor stuff, try to enjoy the art of bitch management (cocky and funny, rather than annoyed) and all that stuff. I want a calm, good mood around the house, for my sake, and for my child's sake.
Other than that, I do the things I did before her. It's important to remain an autonomous creature, having your own social network, doing your own things etc. Or else you might find yourself in a situation where you're unhappy, start asking for permission for this and that, become a shadow of you former self, and then eventually get slapped with a dead bedroom or a divorce because "you're not the same person anymore".
mattyanon Admin 3y ago
The problem is lack of attraction, lack of respect, and the perception that you're the man and have to take this shit.
The solution is dread game. You absolutely can soft next them: talk less, mostly ignore her, give her the silent treatment, be around less, hit the gym more, be mysteriously absent, offer NO EXPLANATION, actively flirt with other women in front of her.
whytehorse2021 3y ago
Invest in yourself. Have yourself as your mental point of origin. The wife and kids will follow. As you get better, they have a better leader. Where guys fuck up is they get oneitis and put the woman as their mental point of origin. Then they enter her frame and her vagina dries up. Imagine your family being led by an emotional woman... not good.
This is a very widespread problem. Every time I meet a guy I'd like to hang out with he has to get permission from his wife and it has to be some kind of female-correct thing. We can't just go get lunch or something. Be prepared to see all the guys in your life drop off a cliff as you get older and they become slaves to the sisterhood uber alles.
Terra 3y ago
I understand its happening but I'm so not ready for this Shit
Fair to say it has already happened even with my blue red brother
whytehorse2021 3y ago
Well, at least we have the internet nowadays which is better than nothing. Of course women are trying to ruin that with reddit bans and censorship but we're taking that space back with sites like this.
benzino 3y ago
This is so true. My friend of 20 years is exactly like that. "Let me ask if my wife wants to go" - bitch I invited you, not your wife.
Is there a way I can help him see how detrimental this is or is it a lost cause trying to change him?
whytehorse2021 3y ago
Expect blowback. Most guys will fight being unplugged. You just have to recognize which men can be saved and read funeral rites to the ones that can't.
coolsocks00 1 3y ago
Depends on whether he feels fine with the situation or is motivated to change it. You could gift him No More Mr. Nice Guy to read. That's where i started.
Also, you could just tell him you're not interested in him bringing the wife lol.
Jakeyg 3y ago
Completely agree, but it is about balance though because if you was to do too much of the opposite it can also have a negative affect. Eg going out every Friday night and leaving the wife and kids at home
whytehorse2021 3y ago
I suppose that's situation dependent. When my son was an infant I'd go out for beers after work with the guys. Not much for a man to do with infants other than bring home the bacon. Now my son is 13 and I'm the primary parent and the wife is off working.
mattyanon Admin 3y ago
SEE OTHER WOMEN.
Monogamy is just fucked.
Jakeyg 3y ago
If only it was that simple brother.
mattyanon Admin 3y ago
I didn't say it was easy.
Do you have a better plan?
Jakeyg 3y ago
Defiantly not as I’ve tried that already hence the question. Karma always comes back to bite you in the ass.
roblox_porn_addict 3y ago
I think the natural conclusion of this is that you shouldn't have kids unless you have enough money and time to be a single dad through a surrogate.
TRP rails against marriage because it binds you to a woman, and rightly so, but having kids without getting married does the same thing.
mattyanon Admin 3y ago
it's not the same thing.
you're liable for child support.
not alimony, half your house, your car, a lawyer, a lawyer for her, etc etc.
Also, she isn't motivated by the cash and prizes that women are paid for getting divorced.
roblox_porn_addict 3y ago
The threat of losing access to your children and having to pay child support, in effect turning you into a human ATM, is a strong incentive for men to stay in the le relationship.
Conversely, having your children all to herself while having a human ATM send her a cheque every month is a modest incentive to leave the relationship for women. Especially considering the fact she will probably have no trouble finding a new partner and securing another source of income. Of course, there are disincentives for her as well but do you really want to gamble your life and your kids on that?
I realize that it's not as bad as marriage but the difference is in degree, not nature. I know it can be hard to accept for guys that want kids, but the bitter truth is that kids without marriage can still really screw you over.
mattyanon Admin 3y ago
Yes, and marriage increases that incentive.
That's basically it...... the degree.
But she has to raise the kids, that's not free. There is much less incentive to leave if she won't get a house and a car and alimony.
roblox_porn_addict 3y ago
I feel like women being stuck with you for financial reasons when they lose attraction is a recipe for disaster, betabuxxing, and dead bedrooms though.
mattyanon Admin 3y ago
absolutely
Terra 3y ago
If youre looking for a way out.
Having kidS not necessarily binds you.
But that will depend do you want to be a father or merly have kids.
If you can pull, any circumstances, then going on h9l8days gives you plenty of opportunities to impregnate women and stay anonymous. Some of them will have men and they will raise your child.
I think (not supported with studies) in US black.community they don't give a m8ckey to impregnate women as they have nothing to loose In sense of future. But one that has, needs to find.a.way.
Jakeyg 3y ago
Having a step-parent around your child increases the chances of them getting abused by 80%.
Terra 3y ago
Point is, none one knows Youre the father. So IF Youre White don't bang black chick with black husband
[deleted] 3y ago
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Terra 3y ago
Thanks for.exchanging the notes. Technically I think Heritage websITE 8s running similar service and they had massive personal data leak.
That makes sense to be even more prepared, finding the countries where wmn would rather find local father than pay for service. Or where the law would not apply from woman to man country. Or find a woman with husband already (my entry is specifically aiming at this option since the risk is the lowest, including child abuse mentioned above). Or whatever else and then calculate ROI.
I was in situation where I was inseminating married chick. I don't know did he know (she knew as we met in 3rd country just to fornicate), but it didnt work in this short frame.
Jakeyg 3y ago
I agree, however it takes two to raise a child, both man and woman.
Intrepid_Place53900 1 3y ago
if it's a boy, it only takes a man to raise the boy. In most cases, it's better if it's just the man.
Jakeyg 3y ago
You clearly don’t have kids. How you going to work and chase your purpose whilst being a single dad.
Intrepid_Place53900 1 3y ago
I have sons, actually, divorced when they were young teenagers and I got primary custody.
You are correct, when you have kids and are raising them , it's incredibly hard to have a real life. If you work full time, actually try to raise the kids, there's not much time leftover for anything else.
I did well with my career, made money and got to actually raise and be involved in my kids. It's tough, never said it wasn't.
Now they are in college and I'm free, well, I have my time, kids aren't free ;)