Im at the end of relationship with what I think was compulsive liar.
I have had access to various messaging options where she didn't know I did and I presumably never uncovered that I have this knowledge/access. I kept knowledge without reacting when she lied looking into my eyes. Just kept fucking as I enjoyed sex.
On top of that she would travel 7h in 1 day, almost every week both ways to see me, bring me home cooked stuff as requested... getting fucked as I enjoyed, swallowing each end every, pecking my dick with care, general very sweet stuff.
But then she lied a lot, broke promisses, pretended she forgot promisses, even if she'd admit blame on her own 1% of.the time then she would revert.
She was so called having depression on SNRIs as well, knowing how to deepthroat from beginning, not afraid to puke if I went rough, although being very apologetic and ashamed if she'd puke, or made mess with for example Menzies blood.
That unfortunately connects to that she would do plenty of favours to other people and I think that might be quite low self esteem and I have suspected she would be easily pulled and fucked, because of that.
All in all she was very cute and feminine. I'm a bit mind boggled as for looong time I wasnt in a serious dating matket. I was just fucking, whether now I look trough prism of evaluating girls as potential partners.
HardTruth 3y ago
What you said is pretty vague on the details. So without more info, there are 2 options I see here.
You guys weren’t clear on what the relationship was, so it’s a plate/fwb situation. She sees you as an alpha fucks (since she’s putting all the effort in from what you describe), and she doesn’t wanna jeopardize what you two have, but also feels like the stuff she lies about is none of your business (since you’re an alpha fucks fwb).
That’s my estimate based on what you provided.
Terra 3y ago
Thanks for response, I can elaborate.
She will would say how much she loves me a lot, but then do the opposite not following on that, crossing boundaries. So step by step Im disattaching/downgrading trying to get some more last freaky sex. Effectively she is a plate now without night stays, but there was a time she was FWB+. And yeah she is exactly my type that can get me hard whenever.
At some point at the FWB+ situtation she changed and that,in retrospect, was point of no return. Since then I treat her more like a slut than FWB as I couldnt justify being "better".
Here I will need to look again into your opinion that maybe she sees me as alpha fucks. But she stills says how much she misses me and love me although she gets preestablished BDSM treatment for doing so.
I have articulated she is allowed to whatever she pleases or respect boundaries if she ever expects anything and then in future I will consider. She promissed a lot but remained emptyworded.
I get she did somethng behind my back and then lost basic respect after that and continued to do so. Which resulted in me downgrading her status continuously, by less time etc.
At the moment I'm mostly attached by good fuck, but there was more and I'm not lying to myself there's defo chunk of it left.
What I'm looking for is probably some stranger from internet confirming: yes they can be like that, fucking sweet feminine and helpful and fucking shitty liars at the same time.
She softlaunched me in first 3 months of us hanging, but then actively avoid doing anything of sorts.
[deleted] 3y ago
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Terra 3y ago
In this case, at the beginning I would uncover the bs but then I have stopped Sisiphus work and just looked at progress, saddened.
Courious that I want to free myself from being sad lookng at that knowing it.will go nowhere from here but its hard.
Do I have to be.a.sociopath to look at her behaviour going trough downward spiral and totally not care?
I guess evolution made me this way
Fazep00p5 3y ago
I had a friend who was the king of lies, mostly about his imagined deeds. I'd allow him to lie to me as it was entertaining and I'd call him on it if it was too much or harmful. I never allowd him to think he outsmarted me.
Terra 3y ago
I could fight it constsntly, but in my relation I've decided being "outsmarted" by saying nothing rather of being of questionable quality letting her get away without punishment for lies (she gets punished by my withdrowal)
Compulsive / pathological liar brain has to hamster truth being told somehow anyway, otherwise they wouldn't be able.to live with that disonance. Be it forgetting about it. Hamstering as outsmarting even if evidence points elsewhere and what not.
Fazep00p5 3y ago
In my experience, if no harm is done to me I don't care. But if it is affecting my well being, if it is something that I have to live with for the rest of my life, then I'd cut the liar from my life. Liars do destroy lives if they are active participants in it. I only let my friend lie to me because he always painted himself as a hero and he had no effect at all on my life, we only meet for coffee . If he'd start messing around we're no longer friends. You should do the same.
Terra 3y ago
I get you. Those lies werent afecting your wellbeing.
Those I deal with really shouldn't as well as long as I can remove all my emotional investment, on which Im working.