So basically we've been dating about a year. She's cute, very low body count. We've had troubles and I had to break it off a few times to get her to come correct. I capitulated (I know) back into it and things are going decent. Our life circumstances are such that she is constantly around me (for other reasons) and its neigh impossible to see other women and also impossible to not see her everyday. But lately when problems come up, I've tried talking about it, as all the reddit bots suggest. No surprise, it fails. So occasionally I've been brought to frustration and nexted her. Usually she comes around. I probably shouldn't display frustration but as my SMV improves, that gets easier. Now my SMV has been raising and we're approaching a point of being in a LDR due to outside circumstances. Now obviously I've been unhappy with somethings and she knows, even if its not discussed directly. How do I communicate that once we go long distance, I'm gone, unless she shows me she's worth sticking around for? As I've been receiving more attention from other women, she's not changed. She was disrespectful to me today and she's going on a soft next for a couple days. Maybe a couple of those will set her straight. Now I know I should leave her, however, the experiences we've had together are truly once in a lifetime, once in 2 lifetimes easily, even if I experienced them alone. I don't wanna dox myself on the specifics. I'd like to keep her, but I need help molding her and molding myself to make it work, thanks.
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crimsonchin03 3y ago
LTR and "Break it off a few times"...?
Are you saying you broke up multiple times, or took breaks in a 1-year span? And you capitulated every time? These are important details to leave out.
Guy456 3y ago
I've nexted her several times for poor behavior. She'll cry, throw a fit. Then she comes around on the issue, however, not enthusiastically as I would like. Seems she just capitulates enough as a temporary fix to get me back.
whytehorse2021 3y ago
You have to set boundaries. I wouldn't tolerate someone disrespecting one time, let alone multiple times. The fact that you capitulated makes the boundaries meaningless. She can just disrespect you whenever she wants now. If you're not prepared to truly walk away permanently from a disrespectful woman, you'll never be respected.
mattyanon Admin 3y ago
now she knows you'll always back down to keep her.
terrible idea
This is presumably soft nexting. This means you tell her what she's done wrong, then ignore her for a few days.
I think your perceived value is going DOWN in her eyes. You're making a lot of compromises and she's keeping you around despite her behaviour.
long distance isn't a relationship
pointless to say it. What matters is that she FEELS it....... she KNOWS IT deep in her bones and her soul. And she knows it from your behaviour.
Problem you have is this: it isn't true. She can fuck up and you'll forgive her in a couple of days. YOU WANT IT TO WORK. You are TRYING TO MAKE IT WORK. What she knows is the truth: you will compromise and forgive her.
If you want to make a woman believe something: make it true. She'll test for it, and if it's true she'll find out that it's true. This is why so many men have problems persuading women to behave: women find out that they don't have to. They test if the man will break, and the man breaks, and then he complains about it, and she ignores that shit because it doesn't pertain to either the facts or the feels.
What you do is this: get abundance mentality, stop trying to make it work with this one, make the boundaries a reality rather than something you are trying to persuade her exists.
Here's a tough fucking lesson for you: that was in the past. Enjoy the memories, don't stay in a shitty situation because of an amazing past.
Guy456 3y ago
Needed this, thank you. You're right
Intrepid_Place53900 1 3y ago
IMO, there's no such thing as a LDR, (committed)
So, if you are going LDR, you aren't exclusive anymore, go get plates and find a girl who is better.
You are looking for girls who are low maintenance, who get the relationship dynamic. I say relationship because it seems like that's what you want, you dont' want plates, you actually want a LTR. No problem with that, find one worthy of being in a LTR with you, one who adds value to your life.
Disrespect is a real deal breaker to me and should be for all you guys. There's many levels of it, but if this is something she does from time to time, she's showing you that she's not LTR material and/or she thinks she can do better than you actually.
So, when you go LDR, that's your opportunity to move on and do so with a clean slate, plate girls, filter them out and don't rush to get a LTR, only if there's a girl who shows her worth. Good luck.
Guy456 3y ago
Yeah, you are right, I'd like an easygoing LTR. I did get into this relationship without vetting much and that has been the problem, disrespect and just not very eager to please personality. We got together because of some crazy chemistry but it's pretty clear she's not LTR material. When we go long distance, that is the plan. Clean slate. New girls. She's gonna lose her mind though. Crying and the long texts etc etc. I wanna be mad at her and be like "hey you fucking did this to yourself, you knew this was coming and you never wised up and acted right, so here we are." But that would be fruitless. I just wanna say it. Stupid I know. I have to just break it off easy with some lame excuse, I guess.
tenfour 3y ago
I think it comes from that, our mind is somehow convinced that something dramatic like that, would dramatically change her personality and turn her into what she supposed to work on that whole time, to be a better LTR.
Intrepid_Place53900 1 3y ago
Good to see your plan.
IMO, you are correct (It would be fruitless to explain to her).
She's not your future, learn from your past. Good luck to you man
Guy456 3y ago
Preciate the advice