I broke up with my ex, realized i overreacted and reached out the same week. She didnt want to take me back, said "Im in a moment of crisis and im not sure if i want to be with someone, I dont feel good and I wont give 100%, I love you, I love being with you but I dont want to waste your time."
Obviously its a buttered up generic break up . Im not one to beg, so I decided to go no contact and didnt respond.
I have her on social media, and she is posting heartbroken memes, saying shes emotionally empty, etc. Shes hurt and not on some "Fuck my ex" bs that girls often fall into. It seems that shes affected by the breakup.
I legitimately feel that i took her for granted, boys. She only asked me for more attention, thats it. That was her #1 complaint with me. And at times i would ignore her texts or soft next her. She gave me no problems and i blew up the relationship over my own misinterpretations. This is the second time we broke up, but this one feels final. Unfortunately I gave her closure already by reaching out. She has the upper hand.
Currently I am seeing other people, self- improvement, but i believe the ball is in her court now. I have a strong gut feeling we are not over, that she will reach back out, but im preparing for the worst.
Would being civil friends be a good strategy here if i do want her back? I know its not recommended, but thats usually when you want nothing to do with them in the future.
Am i saying im going to be an orbiter? Hell no. But maybe reach out once every blue moon. My older brother is one of the biggest players ive known, and he keeps mature relationships with all his ex's. Hes really mature about it. It wasnt common for me to grow up as a kid at family parties and see a few of his ex's there (apparently it worked). They all were "friends" but who knows what the girls were actually thinking.
Im starting to wonder if thats the proper adult way of handling good break ups, especially considering there may be that possibility to get back together..?
P.S. I want to mention that we did not break over lack of attraction, its just i ran shitty LTR game on her. I treated her like a plate. I actually treated her badly in some cases, and in ways that can be fixed and work on in the future. I truly dont think she wants to be with me NOW, its fresh and i broke up for a bad reason, but i believe with 1-2 months of thinking she will feel differently and i can hopefully rekindle with the possibility that ive changed (aka worked on being a better LTR). She blocked me the first time i broke up with her, but this time she didnt.
She made no mistakes here, thats why i want her back. This was not a rocky break up with disrespect/cheating. I know asking for a second chance is weak, but is it different when its the guy who fucked up? I am not sure if no contact is only going to dig the hole of reconnecting even deeper, since no contact is designed to get over ex's. Ive heard that girls are open to reconnecting if the guy fucked up and has shown he has changed. But its a different story if he was dumped for being beta.
BDATA 1y ago
My story is kind of the same.
Right now, its your heart talking and not your brain. That's for sure. She's controlling you.
If she loved you enough, she'd have come by now. Now, she is trying to control your feelings. She's doing it well though.
I tried no contact. The fuck didn't work. I searched a lot about it before engaging it. It was preached all over the internet. No contact doesn't work if you want to be together. At the same time, messaging her won't work too. I don't know what works to be really frank but I think being the less invested friend with a happy life to show may work. If I could redo everything I'd do this.
I looked into your replies and I see weakness. She is acting weak(women feel less emotional pain but they show more) and you are really weak. In no time, she's gonna be with someone else. What I want to tell you is that these jealous bitches will only stay with us if we have another relationship lined up. I know, it's exactly the opposite of how men think but that's how women are. Treat a man and woman like two different animals..
bymxco 1y ago
Am I being weak? I'll take it. Ive ghosted many many women without 3 fucks. After youve been with a lot of women, you realize a special one amongst the others. Im not simping over 1 girl when my n-count is 3. Thats weak.
The thing is, I broke my relationship by being too alpha, it didnt run its course because i was beta. Im just trying to salvage my mistake. If she cheated on me, and i wanted her back, thats really weak.
Its a really shitty feeling when your n-count is north of 50 and you know whats out there. When your n-count is less than 5-10 you have the optimism that you will replace them. Ignorance is bliss.
I know i can replace her, but it will involve me wasting lots of time cycling thru women again. I spent almost a year running great game building her up into my mold of an ideal women (thru training). :P
Unfortunately i told her "I want to be single again" thats pretty much a death blow to any future relationship. Completely oblitered any comfort needed for a healthy LTR. But at the time it was my intent
I believe she is in a weird limbo where she is still attracted to me, but doesnt want anything to do with me because she cant extract relationship value out of me. While also temporarily hating my guts as women do freshly after being done dirty in a breakup. And women dont usually demote themself off your mistake, they usually accept the demotion when they fucked up, such as cheating on you and you take away exclusivity.
OPPTRP 1y ago
You’re almost as bad as that guy who shot a gun in front of his ex into the floor… give it a rest man
mattyanon Admin 1y ago
Don't let your loneliness paint her in a positive light.
Don't dump girls prematurely. Lesson learned I hope.
It probably won't work with this girl.
If you want her back you need to be civil, friends, and MAINTAIN A HUGE DISTANCE. Don't answer texts same day, don't do any favours for her, EVER.
If you say "I fucked up", you just look weak.
bymxco 1y ago
100%. Shes probably never been dumped prematurely, so she maybe thinks im a hot head and unpredictable. Im actually not sure if dumping prematurely is even a thing.
This is where i fucked up. I actually stopped answering her texts same day while IN THE RELATIONSHIP towards the end. It maybe is part of why she became distant too or she didnt want me back, I literally gave her no reason to be with me, at that point. I did that out of taking her for granted, not because i was mad or punishing her.
Is it a bit too late for this? I broke up with her 8 days ago. We spoke about 2 days after, me telling her i made a mistake, her telling me she loved me but no longer wants to be with me, we ended on good terms, she forgave me, I gave her closure unfortunately, I actually didnt respond at all to her final decision to no longer want to be with me. So yes, it was civil and amicable but there was no "lets keep in touch as friends" here.
The moment she said "Im not sure if im looking for a relationship..." that was the last she heard of me. I shouldve maybe said "Ok, take care" or something short. I guess it doesnt really matter at this point.
Its too late now to reach back out, since its been about 5 days since that final decision on her part. I honestly do not see her reaching out as a friend though, she is a bit prideful.
All I can do now is continue No Contact, its my only chance at rekindling this, she needs space and probably wants nothing to do with me right now. 1-2 months is my plan to reach out. Is this a good strategy?
Do you think No Contact will dig a bigger hole? Considering i want to get back with her. No Contact is usually for the dumpee, not the dumper.
mattyanon Admin 1y ago
Dude, you need to explore other options with other women. No good will come of obsessing about the past.
whytehorse2021 1y ago
Yeah I'd think it would be appropriate to offer a shoulder to cry on. But you gotta do this stuff in person. A legit nice person is always good to be friends with. My wife and I were seeing other people while we were friends. When I was in a position to have a wife and kids I looked around and the only decent woman I could find to marry was my best friend.