I made a post about this the other night. She agreed to come over, she told me that work called in last minute, she apologized profusely, didnt reschedule.
I gave her the benefit of the doubt. I ignored her for a week waiting for her to reach out, as that was her second flake in past 6 meetups. (4 for 6). She wrote back, we talked. I scheduled another meetup for tomorrow night. She didnt say yes or no, she literally told me
"Im Sad. Yeras is lost. He is not home" with a bunch of crying emojies
I replied back, "Where are you now? Lets search the neighborhood on my motorcycle" as she does not have a vehicle (we live in a public transportation city)
She literally didnt write back at all. If she really lost her cat, wouldnt she tell me "Yes come now" instead of letting her cat roam the streets?
Using reason here, it just makes no sense, and now im beginning to think it was an excuse to the tier of "my grandma died" or some strange bizarre excuse girls use to flake.
Im not a big LTR guy, but Ive heard that LTR's typically will sabotage a relationship when they are closing on a branch swing. She sometimes texts me in 1-5 minutes but now sometimes its common for her to wait 1-3 hours. Between that and the flakes, I am starting to think something is up. And just a weird gut feeling
The thing is she never shit - tests me in person. She never got into a masculine bitchy frame with me ONCE. We have been dating for 10 months now. The sex and spark is at an all-time high. I would be worried if all of these signs started manifesting. I thought there are multiple warning signs women show before a breakup occurs. There is no sex withdrawl, increased shit tests, bitchfests, disrespect.
P.S. She has not flaked the third time yet officially. She just texted me that reply when i invited her, not saying yes or no. Chances are she will text tomorrow in the morning, but im already expecting another flake. Its just a bizarre reply and then she didnt follow up on my reply earlier, making me think its not actually lost and made up excuse. Something is up if there is 3 flakes out of 6, it doesnt matter if there are no other warning signs.
coolsocks00 1 1y ago
Sounds like she might be checking out. And it seems like you're having a bad time in this relationship, which is what matters the most. Try to stop hamstering so much, and always be willing to walk. Get ready to spin some plates, consider demoting your girl if things dont change soon.
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bymxco 1y ago
We were literally texting the night before, she said she loves being with me, loves me so much, called me daddy, texting back instantly etc.
How could that be followed with the beginning of a ghost? Am I reading too much into the cat excuse? Chances are i will have more clarity tomorrow, a concrete yes or no, it might not be a flake. But im expecting the worst and ready for it.
Would a LTR be that mushy while in the ghosting process? Just doesnt add up. Seems like there would be arguments and fights. Shes very blunt and will occasionally complain when theres something thats bugging her in the relationship, and i feel like she would voice it out before ghosting.
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coolsocks00 1 1y ago
Women dont think like men, so what you feel and think she should do, doesnt matter in the slightest.
You're reading too much into it in general. She's being weird, you're being insecure.
mattyanon Admin 1y ago
Who is Yeras?
Ah, cat, got it.
You would think so.
Yep.
She's distancing herself from you.
You need to do the same, and you need to find more options for yourself.
bymxco 1y ago
I already have since the second flake. What is the proper move from here if she doesnt reply at all today? Is now the proper time to end things?
I just dont like the "Let her come to you" one more time approach that is recommended during a flake, this is an LTR not a plate.
Is there a difference between distancing herself and ghosting?
mattyanon Admin 1y ago
soft next.
when/if she replies, take 2x longer than she did to reply.
this is not an LTR if she doesn't behave like one.
fade her out as a prelude to the ghost. you don't need this shit from a LTR
bymxco 1y ago
I think I fucked up. I started fading her out since the flake 2 weeks ago. I already next'd her for a week. I started taking longer to reply after too. Started texting other girls that ive met recently.
Why not break up now, or communicate: "I want to give up trying on us" from a non-needy position. Its truly how i feel so its not manipulation or anything. I cannot wait 1-2 more weeks of this... I would rather get an answer now and get the sad part of the break up over and begin dating other women. Ive literally had 2 girls in the past week or two want to come over but i rejected them due to loyalty.
mattyanon Admin 1y ago
Women operate on the basis of what they feel.
Men operate on the basis of contracts and agreements.
If you need an answer now, just dump her. She's made her position clear.
whytehorse2021 1y ago
Just tell her she's a flake and disrespectful of your time so you're going to find someone better.
bymxco 1y ago
Should this be done without communicating first? Or is that useless with a girl this checked out.
Ive already made my mind to dump her. Im just not sure if i should at least communicate first as a last attempt/chance.
whytehorse2021 1y ago
Up to you. I don't have time to beat around the bush so I use direct communication. In this situation it would be called asshole game. If you want to keep her, learn asshole game and run it on her. If you don't want to keep her, it would just be being an asshole and she deserves it for wasting your time. You could also try indirect speech. Say something like "maybe we should see other people, you seem really busy". "It's not you, it's me". This would be what a woman would say and would give you the option of stringing her along without having to have the balls to say the truth and hurt their feelings.