Ive learned to use silent treatment on my Gf whenever necessary. Ive tried "communicating" from a non-needy position and that didnt work, she just saw how much I "cared" and/or used whatever scraps of weakness i exposed against me somewhere down the line. Whenever I pointed out what behavior i didnt like, she was able to connect the dots and use that weakness against me, in typical girl fashion trying to chink your armor.
When I withdraw attention, ignore her, leave her on read for a few days, its the only thing that works.
But the thing is that sometimes she will complain that "Im cold" or if I tell her ive been busy she will say "People make times for the things they care about" or "You forgot me?" when i leave her on read.
Which sort of opens up another can of worms. But it DOES fix her behavior, but now im labeled as cold by her, and she will use this description whenever she complains i dont give her enough attention.
Truth is im not cold, i can be and will be when its needed and called for, im no doormat. But overall I am a good leader in the relationship and i do have her best interests at heart, and she knows it. But its just petty gf argument fodder.
Is this normal to receive the "Youre cold" "You dont care about me" when withdrawing attention? Its the only thing that gives me the upper hand. No matter how good my viewpoint is when I "communicate" with her I feel super beta and I get this impression she is trying to vow for more power, manipulate me. Btw, all girls manipulate, so its just the way it is.
At the end of the day she swallows me, doesnt withdraw sex, my boys always are impressed and a bit mystified how she treats me very well and is very submissive. I just have to deal with the "cold" card she pulls in our private dialogue. This is about the extent of her nagging, but its just a once every blue moon we have a little fight this comes up, not an everyday thing.
Watch what she does not what she says, but im trying to be open minded that maybe im doing the right thing, sloppily, and maybe can use some improvement in an area im not seeing, just wanting to fix a blind spot in my game per se.
Thoughts?
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1y ago
If you treat your GF like a plate, she's gonna break like one. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow or even next month, but sooner or later.
You're gonna start failing a bunch of comfort tests if you keep giving her silent treatments etc.
You misunderstand how to keep a girl on her toes in an LTR than if this is your perception
whytehorse2021 1y ago
I never get that from my wife. It's some kind of shit test. Treat it as such. I'm cold as fuck and it never bothers my woman. Read between the lines. It means something else. My thinking is she wants to test you to see if you'll go all beta.
mattyanon Admin 1y ago
Exactly, well spotted.
Everyone always complains about their punishment...
"Stop spanking me daddy, it hurts my bottom" (interpret this as you will)
"I hate being in prison, why do I have to go there, I did nothing wrong really, why should I be locked up just for stealing, why do I have to be here for so long".
In this case "you're cold and distant and I hate it".
Ignore it all, obv.
amazonri 1y ago
The other poster above said doing this is treating a girlfriend like a plate and she would break because of this. Is this doing more damage than it is fixing bad behavior?
mattyanon Admin 1y ago
Vermillion-Rx took the time to reply to you, don't say "the other poster".
He's a good guy, but I disagree with his points. I don't like the implication that girlfriends are permanent or that you treat them like they are: they're not, and you shouldn't expect them to be.
Then again, LTRs always sucked for me so I only see FWB's now. Maybe he's better at them then I was.
tenfour 1y ago
Attention is the only think man has these days.
https://theredquest.wordpress.com/2018/01/08/attention-is-the-only-tool-modern-men-have/
Your chick sounds like one of mine. I suspect she is damaged goods in some way [mental] and I'm on a brink of cutting her off.
You might be not perfect [in terms of holding LTR], but it sounds you're dealing with someone not worth your persona. Don't let yourself to be drag down. Check narcissism and BPD traits so you can see early warning signs.
ie
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IEfS-_a21kk
Problematic_Browser 1 1y ago
She doesn't like it when you remove attention, so she's complaining about it to get you to stop. That's pretty simple.
Ignore it. Who cares if she can't handle it. She will either learn to act right or she will leave and you can find someone who does.