Right now I'm dealing with a girl who's super flaky. We met back in March and talked for a while, then sexted a bunch. Two times in a row I invited her over to my place and she accepted, only to back out at the last minute (like an hour before she was supposed to show up). The third time we actually met and hooked up. I invited her over again a few days later and again she flaked, so I wrote her off.
Then she messaged me again at the end of August wanted to meet up so we did. We met at a bar then went back to my place and the sex was great. So good in fact that she spent the night and we ended up fucking throughout the entire next day.
Since it went well I invited her over last Saturday and she agreed, only to message me at 4 pm on Friday saying, "Can we meet tonight? I'm busy tomorrow". I was pretty annoyed and told her so but I also wanted to get laid so I said that was fine. We again went to my place and fucked, this time she took off right after we were done saying she needed a good nights sleep.
On Sunday she messaged me saying that she wanted me to come over to her place for once, offering to cook me a nice meal. We made plans for 7pm on Wednesday (today). She just messaged me (at 3 pm) asking if we could push it back until tomorrow or Friday because she has to work late.
The sex we have is amazing and I'd like it to continue but her flaking is really pissing me off and I'm worried that by allowing her to do it I'm just reinforcing the behavior.
Anyone have thoughts on how to deal with this other than writing her off completely?
Edit: After sleeping on it for a few days I decided to hard next her. I just don't have the tolerance for someone wasting my time.
a_nus 12y ago
You need to set your own pace. Regardless of whether you're fucking her or not, she's in control here. She flakes at her will,.reschedules when she feels like it, and you're just going along for the ride.
You need to establish your schedule and make her work around it.
kingofpoplives 12y ago
Sounds like a mentally unstable uber slut. Just make sure you wrap it up and do not cop feels for this one.
Overzealous_BlackGuy 12y ago
If she ignores you...don't react.
If she gives you an excuse: "ok"
If she's honestly busy: "alright, just contact me when you want to visit\hang out...etc".
Never ever hit her up until she does
OneTouchHowMuch 12y ago
The fact that she keeps coming back and makes it a point to reschedule means that she's into you and it's not your behavior that's causing her to flake.
She's sounds like an over-extended person who has a lot of plans. You're just sex to her which is fine, but understand that your schlong won't always be her top priority.
Have other stuff to do as a back up.
mbillion 12y ago
So you have a random casual hookup thing going on - nice. Congrats brother.
I fail to see what the problem is. She is clearly not going to make your short list for girlfriend material, she has made that pretty clear to you.
IMO the goal here is to get her flaking percentage to a level you can live with or you have to walk away. Its not worth it to put in any emotional effort beyond that.
If the flaking is really such a big deal I suggest this: go no contact until she texts with a concrete plan, then I would text something simple back implying that your time is too important for her to flake and you need to know its a for sure deal.
bottom line - she is using you for sex and vice versa - stop trying to make it a bigger deal than it is
jamieoneal82 12y ago
Dread game.
Flake on her, go out to a club/bar/party and meet other chicks. If she's on your social media, post pics of you with other chicks. If not, you can try a reverse eavesdrop and text her pics of you with chicks and then say "wrong person".
Edit: you should also consider the possibility that she's not single and just isn't telling you. That could explain the flakes despite the good sex. In that case, that would make you her "mad at hubby" booty call.
rufusjonz 12y ago
i think you're on to something about not being single thing -- it's a definite possibility
[deleted] 12y ago
[deleted]
jamieoneal82 12y ago
Doesn't matter. Even if she suspects it's a ploy, her hamster will still obsess over the possibility that it's not.
Edit: either way it's a nuclear option anyway. She's already flaked on him enough times to next, might as well try it. If she doesn't buy it, next anyway.
HardPillToSwallow 12y ago
Even the most pussy drenched player deals with flaking.
Just have so many plates spinning you have an alternative. Jamieoneal had some good points too.
rufusjonz 12y ago
'Even the most pussy drenched player deals with flaking.'
that's a great line
CryptoManbeard 12y ago
I think you understand this is not going to be a relationship. The fact that she actually reschedules and finishes with you means that she's not just jerking you around.
Sooo....that being said. I'd always have a backup plan and if she flakes, no big deal. That way, if she shows, you have sex. If not, you do whatever else you planned.
"Gaming" her is not going to make her change her ways, so I wouldn't waste time trying to make her jealous.
loin_fruit 12y ago
Man this is exactly where I am at the moment as well with a girl who once was a plate who I was fucking and now is married. She still comes around, is all over my nuts and teases me but has a really hard time not flaking and not committing to sex with me.
I'm thinking of letting her initiate contact and dread gaming her, making that hamster wheel spin. I'm thinking the same for you.
It's an iffy ground though bagging a chick who's taken, never know the consequences. Which is one of the reasons I just let her initiate contact. Don't want to text her while her dude has her phone or some shit.