Is there a possibility for coming back from and regaining attraction after 'beta-behavior'? How do I stay in a girl's spotlight while at the same time being distant and seeming active?
My situation is this; a girl I actively want to LTR has been sending mixed signals.
At first she was all for it, but somewhere along the way I must've botched it tremendously. After a while I started noticing that she started partying a lot more and hanging out with other guys, I confronted her, feeling a bit. In an obviously disguised as assertive way, I told her to either settle or call it quits. She got very angry and upset at me for this. We discuss this for some time, and in the end she insists and and hits me with: "But we were never dating?" so I told her "Then there is nothing" and left to go home without a another word. She sent me a text hours after I had left, throwing soft insults at me and just generally being upset. I soft nexted her for 5 days but never got a word back. Impatience and frustration lead me to texting first, acting like the next never happened, however it was received well, fortunately. That is, until I began talking about it again. It started off with a seemingly promising build-up (she seemed flustered about the idea this time? She was showing obvious signs of attraction, indecisiveness and maybe answers) but it ultimately went to shambles, with her responding emotionally saying she was heartbroken by what I said and my refusal to interact with her if she does not want a C(losed)LTR now. She said she wants it at a later point, and that she just wants to do whatever for now. She asked me to stay friends until she wanted a relationship again. I responded with a short text explaining my reasoning and making my next move somewhat ambiguous but slightly implying that I will stop interaction. After taking 2 hours she responded with "I don't want it with you now", I reply with "Alright", to which she replied "perfect",
which brings us to now. I re-initiated the soft-next, which this is the the 4th day of. I am clueless on how to proceed.
I broke it three separate times on the second day. She sent me a text asking why I was taking so long to respond. To which I replied "Haven't had time"'.
She essentially ignored it, but replied nearly instantly happily telling me about what she was up to. Same day, some hours later I commented on it, which she ignored entirely. She sent a text back, again, instantly, again, casually telling me about what she had done that day.
In the past she has always been extremely into me, being mostly blind/forgiving toward the beta-behaviors, although this has definitely waned a little bit over time I've always tried to keep my frame in the "unfocused on her, very active life" zone, but get the feeling I either overdo it (extreme disinterest), and break it too quickly and start feeling needy, so what's the goldilock zone here? Even now, she always responds to everything instantly, and clearly there is interest and she wants to talk, I'm just not sure how to best utilize this to turn this into an LTR.
Is there a way to resolve/rebuild this? Severe case of oneitis, but I want to give it my best shot before I put it down completely.
Best advice pertaining to the above mentioned situation, as well as the questions posed in the opening of this post? Thank you.

fblackstone 3y ago
Read the post "you are not her top option". İt will answer all your questions.
coolsocks00 1 3y ago
This is the main issue here. You're going about this all wrong and putting her on a pedestal in your mind. The fact that you do your dancing monkey routine of seemingly holding frame doesnt mean shit, because it's literally just an act.
Negotiating desire doesnt work. A hypothetical relationship with her would be awful for you right now because of your oneitis. It's not what you want.
Work on building abundance through gaming other girls, and a genuine outcome independence.
financehardo420 3y ago
can’t stress coolsocks enough. you’ve gone 100% balls deep simping. pull back n play it cool as fuck or you’re gonna lose her
Durek_The_Bald 3y ago
No, it's fucked, and you need to move on. Either way you look at it, there's going to be an issue here of you pursuing her for an LTR. You can mask it as "frame" all you want, but in your mind it's all about you trying to qualify for her. You keep trying to verbally batter her into submission, but that's not frame, that's desperation. And no, she isn't buying it, and never has. "Luckily this" and "luckily that" is just your hamster speaking, wishfully thinking you've successfully negotiated desire.
alexusC2018 3y ago
Then how would i go about arousing desire without being direct about it? In our second discussion about this she reacted well when I was more in the act of: "im not sure if im even interested anymore", it sparked interested for a good minute until I dropped the act. Is there a way of communication where I can use this inverse frame as a way of re-gaining interest? As much as I am well aware that at this point these are just acts of desperation, I really want to try and pull it off.
Durek_The_Bald 3y ago
The only likely reason you're so laser focused on this one particular girl, who doesn't even seem to be interested, is a lack of options on your part. And as long as you keep focusing on the wrong thing (her), it will remain so. The only right response is to genuinely disengage, genuinely put her out of your mind, and focus your attention on other potential prospects.
The way your going about this is very superficial. You're just trying to fake a whole range of TRP related concepts. And whilst it's true you sometimes have to "fake it til you make it", trying to reignite a failed prospect is not the right environment for any type of personal growth, or internalisation of the various concepts you are familiar with in theory.
You would be much better off practicing TRP concepts on new prospects. Because the only thing you're internalising here is how much of a beta you are. You're making it into a frustrating journey, rather than a fun one. It's almost as if you're trying to fix a "married with kids" type of situation, when in reality you're not bound to this girl in any other way than pure oneitis. Just let it go, and move on. It's all in your head.
whytehorse2021 3y ago
Sounds like you're her orbiter beta bucks guy and when she's ovulating she's off to get her Alpha seed with other guys. She's a party girl, a cheater, a cock carousel rider, and rejected you.
If you go check out /r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen you'll learn about red flags and how these women end up at age 30 as fat single moms that had lots of opportunities to get with good men but as their youth and beauty fade they can no longer get the hawt guys and so they complain about men not wanting LTRs with them.
mattyanon Admin 3y ago
Nope, always easier to find new girls.
What the fuck........ WHY do you want to LTR this girl? She is not ltr material.
Rebuild WHAT!? She isn't LTR material, so your question is "how can I make this non-LTR party slut into a loving caring wife." Answer: you can't.
alexusC2018 3y ago
But there must be a way to project influence. I want to change a mind, is it really just set in stone?
mattyanon Admin 3y ago