I talk to 2 guys every day, I am not their friend but I do have them believing that I am. They trust and do respect me but sometime they would go off-limit and insult me in a subtle way. I don't want to pick up a fight with them or want to act like I am offended, so I just ignore the thing but it feels really beta to me. Almost disgusting in retrospect.
Suggest ways to handle this.
ballsxd 3y ago
If its a shittest, in a way to ie test your confidence or whatever, be like "nah mate fuck you" and prove the opposite of whats been said.
however if its straight up insulting and crosses your boundaries you could reply (with a slightly raised voice in order to get a little attention from bystanders) something around the lines of "listen mate i dont tolerate you speaking to me that way". itll show them that youre not easily set off and that you respect your boundaries
hiro1234567 3y ago
If they do not respect you, don’t talk with them. Avoid them completely. Do not explain yourself you don’t own anything to them
Scorpion69_ 3y ago
Yep.
Also be unphased. A guy insulting u is something very superficial and meaningless
Iliketoast 3y ago
Dont know what was said but part of being friends with men is ripping on each other. Men are competive and have heirachal structures. Like brothers do. Just rip on them back.
Women say nothing but nice things face to face but bitch behind each others backs. Men insult each other to test one another and say nice things behind their back.
I wonder if so many men are friendless today because they are afraid to have healthy banter.
coolsocks00 1 3y ago
Yea. There's this dichotomy of thought that's really pervasive here; that you should either ignore or confront someone, i.e. take everything personally. But here, a good answer is to just rip the fucker a new one, and in good spirits.
xaxixh 3y ago
I agree with you on having a healthy banter with your friends. But we are not talking about friends here. Men are competitive and have a hierarchal structure but does that mean that I should insult them back to gain better status than them in social gatherings?
I have messed up some precious years of my life and I have to take the responsibility for not having friends whom I can trust on. This is why I don't agree with the "Men insult each other to test one another and say nice things behind their back" statement.
I'd love to hear your tactics or advice for a healthy banter. I'd love to be good at them.
Iliketoast 3y ago
Healthy banter comes from knowing your own and your friends weaknesses and limitations and accepting your own with a smile. You cant control the world, just your own mind.
Of course dont go crazy by personally insulting someone cos they ripped your trainers, thats just being a cunt. You gotta match the energy of the insult to show you can deflect and return banter.
Ill give you a personal example that relates....my mate is super chad 5000, honestly magazine model. But he has a slight stutter when drunk noone talks about. A few years back i had thin hair and should have shaved it off. Lad only mentioned it when drunk and around people to get a laugh.
So were in a bar, loose and around girls. Guy made a really funny joke about my hair (i hated) but i already owned this and had hardened myself. So no reaction. I then flipped the pressure immediately by smiling, doing an impression of his stutter retelling the joke. Guess who died more inside. I do this to everyone, i never look up to anyone i just have fun. I gain their respect.
It helps i know bjj and im built so words are harmless and escalation can be handled. It just makes life easier and non threatening.
Not to bang my own drum but i have friends from so many circles i cant manage to see them all. But im free and respected. I didnt have any leg up apart from cunts that threw me to the wolves, that i accepted and rose to the challenge of getting down to their level.
Whatever these dudes said clearly struck a nerve. It takes acceptance of ones self to walk free in life without being triggered.
Trp calls this frame. Unfortunately it only talks about it with women cos losing pussy hurts alot more and men write about that. In reality men test each others frame just as much, especially in a bar setting. One on one not so much.
Men should shit test each other. Life is one big shit test. Women should shit test us. Men have a burden of performance and we must own it. Just assume every interaction is a shit test, even when ya mam gaslights you.
Just have fun dude, play with interactions. Thats where you learn confidence and built relationships you can rely on.
Insecurities are only that if you arent secure with your shortfalls. Noones perfect.
Wish you well man
xaxixh 3y ago
New to TRP and have been experimenting with my social interactions a lot lately. You gave some good advice and perspective. Wish you well too.
mattyanon Admin 3y ago
Acknowledge it and then ignore it, like it just doesn't matter. Because it doesn't.
Nicetomoleyou 3y ago
Honestly, I’d just ramp up my banter and see what happens. If they continue to “insult” you to the point to where it crosses your boundaries, just tell them straight up that you don’t appreciate it. If they are truly your friends, they will either ease up on the bullshit or just reinforce the fact that they were just busting your balls. If they were just fucking with you, then brush it off.
Everyone has boundaries. Reinforce them whenever you feel it is necessary. When you have more “alpha” friends, they will fuck with you. If they are fucking with you, then that’s a good sign. “Alpha’s” don’t want to be surrounded by weak bitches who get offended by jokes.
Iliketoast 3y ago
Exactly, males shit test each other all the time and in public. Trp doesnt talk about it enough, only examples of silly women withdrawing pussy. Strong men build strong men.
Think fight club where theyre standing outside for days getting slapped to gain respect.