Dear all, I've a question and would value some input.
I was visiting a music store and while purchasing a record I spoke with the cashier.
I'd noted from a distance that she was very much my type in appearance. When I opened with an observation about the shop, she wasn't looking at me and brushed it aside. Undeterred, I began asking her what music she liked, and then she looked at me and really lit up, was warm, engaged and we exchanged music recommendations and revealed small details about our lives. She smiled and laughed, kept eye contact, while she'd just been disinterestedly scanning my purchase before.
Nothing to lose, right? I was going to steer the conversation towards "what are you doing later" but she revelaed to me that she's 18 (just leaving secondary school), while I'm 28. I didn't mention my age but she knows I work. Now, she looked a bit older (but none the worse for wear) and tbh I don't look very old, I've still my hair, eat reasonably well, lift, run, so I haven't that against me.
My intention would be to date/aim at a LTR, I'm not into hookups. But I'm concerned at the age gap and that caused me to back down & end the conversation. Though I did ask about a record and she said they could order it in, so I have an excuse to revisit. She also helps restock so I could just approach her at a quieter hour in the store.
My main question is regarding the age gap, is it "appropriate"? She's of age, so should I even let it bother me? But any other comments on the interaction will be welcomed.
Thanks, B4C
edit: thanks for the tips fellows, I appreciate it!
coolsocks00 1 1y ago
It's not "appropriate", but do you really care? I dont, and many girls dont either. That's all that matters to me.
The age gap isnt an issue, but her young age can be. Girls that young are literally years away from full brain development, and are even more fickle than usual.
As an aside: aiming to date longer term is a fine goal, but keeping things casual i.e. starting with girls as "plates", as well as dating more than one girl at a time, is the best way to reach that goal. It's not "hooking up" as in ONS or necessarily "just sex", it's simply the best way for a guy to approach dating (vetting girls and getting to know them, establishing boundaries, etc.). Dont talk about commitment early on.
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whytehorse2021 1y ago
It's not appropriate to women who are 28 and trying to lock you down. It's appropriate to men who who like women that are more fertile and fit.
mattyanon Admin 1y ago
That's a big age and life difference at that stage. Fine for hooking up, but can't see it being good longer than that. I've experienced a larger age gap, but with the girl older than a teenager.
FWB / Open relationship might work for you both.
Fair enough.
Appropriate to WHO? It only matters that it's right for you. She's fully legal, there is no morality here. Plenty of women hook up with older men, the only people who judge this harshly are older women hoping to lock down a provider with their ageing pussies.
Here's another idea:
Next time simply say "oh, I'm too old for you". This disqualifies yourself, and lets her come back with "oh, age isn't a problem at all" (which happens 90% of the time).
DO NOT SAY "you are too young for me". This is disqualifying her and making her feel bad. It's much less effective.
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coolsocks00 1 1y ago
The bigger the age gap is, the fewer girls are okay with it. This discussion is obviously about the ones that are okay with the age gap, and you wont find that out unless you try, as you did.
I can be gaming a 19 year old that is cool with the age gap, then a 22 year old that thinks it's too big. Sure, the quality of the approach matters, but it still depends mostly on the girl.
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mattyanon Admin 1y ago
The most important thing is not to be her father's age.
Scorpion69_ 1y ago
the age gap is not a problem at all bro, shes fully legal. if u like her, go for it.
remember that guys prefer younger girls and young girls prefer older guys
it is appropiate. also remember that girls mature much faster than boys. an 18 year old girl basically has her brain fully developed.