LTR comfort tests me, saying that she is afraid that she is not good enough for me. How do I react? In this situation I held frame saying the things I find important in a girl(that she stated that she was insecure about) and said I love her after that.
From all I have seen comfort tests require some form of beta behaviour. Is saying I love you, after not betaing about her insecurities enough? Or should I have comforted her more? What is the best way to face a comfort test?
Vermillion-Rx Admin 4y ago
A comfort test does not necessarily require beta behavior. Guys often use beta behavior to pass them and it is usually not necessary
Be a sturdy rock she can lean against like the water in a storm. Be confidently reassuring of her, you don't have to become soft and beta by saying flowery comforting stuff.
You can aloofly (but with some empathy in your voice) say "you're enough for me, why do you think you're not?" Etc.
Whatever her response you could probably be to the point in how you address it to assure her or say "I enjoy my time with you, you're being too hard on yourself" or something like that.
You don't have to be beta, you can just be sturdy for her and continue calibrating the level of assurance required to make her feel like she's enough for you, thus not going overboard into beta territory
You can also use comforting kino while saying any of this or let her hug you or whatever. You don't have to look weak to make her feel secure
Not in an LTR myself, but I have to pass comfort tests all night when doing country two-step. Girls be insecure as fuck 80% of the time there and I have to assure them without being beta. Still get dates from them so I know I'm not failing comfort tests and to some degree shit tests
You're mileage may vary in LTR instead of random cold approaches, but principle ought to be similar
whytehorse2021 4y ago
Don't confuse simping or oneitis with beta. Beta means provider, protector, and parental investment. What she's really asking is if she's good enough for you to provide, protect, etc. her. If she's not, let her know what she can fix. If she is, let her know that.
mattyanon Admin 4y ago
Understand this: providing too much comfort (even if she needs it) will count AGAINST YOUR ATTRACTION.
No matter how beta she needs you to be, BETA IS STILL BETA.
For me personally...... I'd agree with her...... "yeah, I could probably do a lot better" while grinning at her ear to eat.
Then of course she'll pretend to fight, I'd pretend to care, and if she really can't get her shit together I'd walk out.
Look at watch, time 30 mins, wait for phone to ring, tears and begging, hot makeup sex.
Rinse, repeat.