how have you guys overcome the challenge of having little to say/write? the issue is twofold: a lack of thoughts and a slowness to find the words to express the thoughts .
it makes banter/small talk/deep talk incredibly tough. working to be more chatty and talkative doesn’t come off as congruent though…
i’m a naturally quiet dude. admittedly shy and reserved. but shy and reserved because i don’t have anything to say, and when i do say something it’s awkward. a vicious cycle
anyone have a similar challenge and turn it around it? what’d you do/work on?
again, the issue is both a poverty of thought and lack of verbal fluency. a genera dullness of personality. not conducive to professionally or socially.
Scorpion69_ 1y ago
it used to happen to me.
in reality, there are no "correct words" or "words to be found".
you just literally have to start being genuine, and saying and doing the stuff that comes to ur mind in that moment.
123zebracakes 1y ago
i feel that. what if only bullshit comes to mind?
Scorpion69_ 1y ago
It may be bullshit to you, it might be cool to others.
Rather than saying cool stuff or whatever, you should learn how to say whatever you want to say with confidence and charisma.
Also, improve ur SMV. Get jacked, good clothes with good fit, good haircut, good body posture... Literally when ur attractive, no matter what u say, u will be seen as cool.
I know everyone says this smv improvement shit, but it really is key (also keep in mind that the #1 way of improving it, is by improving ur confidence)
123zebracakes 1y ago
preciate that bro
coolsocks00 1 1y ago
It wont be until it suddenly is. You need to keep trying, and you will get into a positive feedback loop where the good feeling of improving and having good conversations weighs out the awkwardness.
Beers4cheers 1y ago
I used to be in that place, I can't say I'm fully out man, but I've gotten a lot better through the past few years. I'll share some of what I learnt.
This is hard but necessary: Self Knowledge. Mentally walk through your expectations for each interaction, and see if you've been emotionally programmed to recoil from past similar interactions. Start looking there, understand yourself and work out why you learnt this in the past, then start challenging yourself with rational objections. You don't need to flee potential conflict/ridicule now. You are a man getting what he wants, and what you wan't isn't wrong.
Also, free yourself from the thought that you can control others/need to. If you say something and they reject it, that's just a preference being expressed, it isn't a sign that you are worthless as a person. If we both hold conflicting prefrences and values, we have no basis for a relationship, so knowing that quickly is actually a good thing. But also know that there will be others who share your values and the only way you'll find them is to express your values - both in words and in actions.
Realising that builds immense confidence. It means you won't worry what others think, or busy yourself trying to placate what you think they want.
Work on your physique too, your self-care, everything you can to make you respect yourself, then you'll easily communicate that you're respectable to others. You won't have to worry or lie, because you're being honest with yourself to the world.
It's a long journey my man. This shit runs deep and there aren't any quick-fixes. But these two suggestions are what took me the furthest. Best wishes.
whytehorse2021 1y ago
People love to talk about themselves. Just ask them about themselves.
mattyanon Admin 1y ago
Alcohol is the usual solution.
Learn to talk and think more about social skills. It takes a lot of practice.
financehardo420 1y ago
bastard beat me to it. go boozing my dude this is the way hahaha