I get the external shit. Lift, groom, hygiene, fashion, money.
But I don’t understand how to be an attractive person. What is it that the ugly fat guy with the hot girl does that I don’t. Or the stick twig with the 8/10 hb.
I don’t understand the personality aspect, the social skills aspect.
I don’t know if I should say first thing that comes to mind or shut up because I know the girl won’t like it.
I don’t know if when she doesn’t like the music I’m playing if I should change it to something we’d both like or if I should say hush this is amazing.
I don’t know if I should be more empathetic and caring and listen to her life and opinions and shit, or if I should act like idgaf about her and just make jokes and troll her when she is trying to talk real shit.
I don’t know if when she says she hates horror movies if I should find something we both like or call her a pussy and tell her to squeeze me tight.
Just on and on, I don’t understand shit really.
I feel like I’m just using gym and fashion and shit as a crutch for the outside. I don’t really know how to be attractive on the inside.
coolsocks00 1 1y ago
Quite normal for a lot of guys when unplugging, dont worry. You will have to learn to calibrate based on lots of experience. Which means lots of little failures and successes.
Put yourself out there. At the same time you need to read relevant material. When the external looks good you change focus to this (but keep your good lifting habits).
It's extremely easy to fall into this black and white thinking when starting out. "Should i be a dick or a nice guy?"
The answer is always somewhere inbetween, and very situational. You will learn over time as you spin and break plates.
I see many guys start to unplug and seemingly just become obnoxious assholes. That's not helpful. To start out, be kinder than you think. Just differentiate being kind from being a NiceGuy™.
Keep reading the sidebar. Heres one of many articles on how to be a more attractive man:
https://www.trp.red/p/mattyanon/556
[deleted] 1y ago
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redhawkes 2 1y ago
You're playing the incel game, that's why you're socially retarded and spam the forum on daily basis.
The key you're missing is called charisma. People only remember how you make them feel. You need to learn game.
financehardo420 1y ago
be more social; go out more and meet more ppl and you’ll learn with time
whytehorse2021 1y ago
This is a whole can of worms I just dumped on @financehardo420 . https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J9j-bVDrGdI&list=PL22J3VaeABQApSdW8X71Ihe34eKN6XhCi&index=20
It's Jordan Peterson's university course on personality. You can either go out and do trial-and-error experiments to get a better personality or you can use science to shape the best personality for yourself and the people around you.
For social skills, I threw all the science into my book "The Social Autist" https://www.amazon.com/Social-Autist-Autists-Allocentric-Universe-ebook/dp/B09JSQ42TR . You don't have to be autistic to benefit from reading it because it is entirely focused on non-autistic people. The key difference is most non-autistic people learn all of it through 12 years of social schooling but autistic people have to manually learn it. Either way, learning this stuff gives you a huge social advantage even over people who learned through trial-and-error.
financehardo420 1y ago
you’re a goat
mattyanon Admin 1y ago
How often do you actually see this?
Women like slim more than you know.
All your questions are: "it depends". Both are good for different reasons.
Attractive on the inside:
Ok, supposing you are on your game. Going places in life. Enjoying the journey. But with some space for other people. Relax, have fun, engage with people. Engage emotionally with girls. Have some understanding of them, but be your own person. Take no shit. Be strong, be interesting, be inspiring.
There are many ways to do it, a lot depends on your personality and who/what you are.