Recently LTR’d a plate of 8 months. No unicorn but as good as they come, best behaviour up until now I guess.
She said she is going to go her brothers house party (really tight religious filipino group only family and close friends so no cheating.) and then be at my place around 12 midnight. At 12 nothing.
I wait until 1 and say so what happened to coming over. Nothing, I go to sleep. She starts spam calling round 1:30 but I ignore it and keep sleeping. I was fucking pissed at this point so I thought just best to ignore it and cool out. I was really hoping for a late night suck and I was pissed she didn’t come thru and didn’t even communicate well.
Next morning I told her I didn’t get her calls I went to sleep. I didn’t say anything much. She knows she fucked up. She asked if I was mad and she gave me a laundry list of excuses of why, but said sorry and that she will make it up to me. I just told her we will talk later.
So idk what the appropriate thing going forward is.
I don’t want to be a hypocrite, I’ve immigrant time’d her before, but like half an hour and with communication.
Should I just let this go, I feel like its going to make me look weak if I start throwing withdrawals and punishments and shit around cuz I didn’t get my dick sucked one night. On the other hand I want to nip this behaviour.
Now that I cooled down its easier to think but how do you deal with this type of shit in the moment. I feel like if she just woulda come to my place at 1:30 anyway and let herself in I probably would have been telling her to go fuck herself. What do you do when something hits you, you feel triggered or wronged or hurt or wtf and you have to act in the moment.
elevengames 1y ago
Make yourself a list on a phone and follow when something like this happens again
1) Shut the fuck up - check
1) Shut the fuck up - check
1) Shut the fuck up - check
1) Shut the fuck up - check
2) Go do something away
2) Go do something away
2) Go do something away
2) Go do something away
HopelessRomantic 1y ago
No - you shouldn't let it go. I'd communicate to her that when someone makes plans, they communicate when they can't make it, especially now that you're in a LTR. She shouldn't be ghosting you. Don't be overbearing and emotional and say things like "I was worried sick" that plays into her frame. Just be clear and transparent and let her know you expect better of her - but then again, you might be revealing your hand by doing so. In hindsight I would have ghosted her or soft next'd her for a few days and make it clear how it feels when she does that to you.
I'm not a guru by any means but it sounds like she's now turning around, because she's in a LTR and trying to see which of your principles and traits you're willing to sacrifice to stay with her. You gotta put your foot down. I know 8 months is a bit of time but I'd put her back as a plate and spin some others in the meantime.