I get that the alpha must "hold frame" and have the dominant frame, but how can you make sure your frame is right.
For instance, my mother believes that I have to bow down and kiss her feet. She thinks regardless if she is right or wrong, I have to be polite and bow like a dog. Yes ma'am, no ma'am anything for you ma'am. She thinks because she "sacrificed" her life to feed me, clothe me, and x,y,z she deserves a forever servant and a yes man. She demands that I do things like, ask her how she is doing, tell her where I am without her asking, show her affection without being asked.
My frame is that I don't owe her shit because I didn't choose to be born. I didn't agree to any covert contracts, I didn't agree that her feeding me makes her entitled to a life of coming home angry from working and using me as an emotional punching bag that I must submit and bow to. I didn't agree that her "sacrifices" means she is entitled to someone caring after her even though all she does is emotionally manipulate me, control me, act entitled, and generally assholian.
So this is kind of where I come to a dilemma. I'm still dependent on her, so as much as I hate it I submit. Technically she has the dominant frame. But it gets me thinking.
What if I hold dominant frame over my woman in the future but I'm not reasonable or wrong in my worldview. What if I believe she ought to be acting a certain way, and I demand it and apply dread and walk away if she doesn't comply and all that bullshit, but I'm just wrong and an asshole.
I understand being a leader, being the dominant boss. I understand being the "authority", but that isn't enough. I feel like I have to be a good, fair authority with women. How can I trust my own self.
I've been through the same situation before with my ex as I am with my mother, except the roles were reversed. I was constantly helping her, looking after her, basically serving her needs. This blew up into arguments where I demanded shit from her like taking care of me too because it was only fair and I wanted the same love back that I'm putting in. She said the same thing to me that I'm saying about my mom about her not agreeing to covert contracts and that she doesn't want to because she doesn't feel good with me. I continued to hold frame and ended up leaving the relationship because "she wasn't good enough for me".
So I guess my question boils down to is how can I make sure my side of the "coin" is the right one, and how can I make the other person HAPPILY submit to my frame. Not like how I must submit to my mothers because she bashes it down my throat.
Or here is another example, my grandparents treat me like shit but "love me". My mother believes I should call my grandparents every day because they "love me", she thinks I'm a heartless piece of shit because I don't want to. She thinks I ought to sacrifice my 10 minutes to make their day because they "love me and can barely wait for me to call", she thinks regardless if I hate talking to them I'm a monster for not feeling guilty and empathetic and bowing down and letting them shit talk me for 10 minutes every day to make their day. Am I really an asshole for not calling them and being "charitable". How can I know I'm right with my frame. Maybe I am an asshole, maybe my grandparents are assholes but they're old and don't know better, should I really not let them live their asshole lives peacefully and just sacrifice my own ass for 10 minutes of pain and annoyance.
whytehorse2021 4 days ago
Sounds like your mom is a narcissist. Mine is too. They think they're perfect and everyone else is a loser. Throw all your red pill training out the window because this is a completely different issue. Just blow smoke up her ass while getting your exit strategy implemented. The military can have you out of there in a jiffy if you want. Leave and never come back.
You're not going to dominate your way out of this. This isn't a frame thing. It's a personality disorder(narcissism) that has no treatment. Your frame move will be to get this toxic person out of your life by leaving. Basically hard next your mom. When you have a drama free life with people you enjoy, a woman will happily enter that frame.
MrSupreme 4 days ago
Watch out for abandonment issues mixed with the narcissism, she might feel like she is missing an arm when you're gone and would do anything for you to get back, i would know
whytehorse2021 4 days ago
Oh yeah I've been on blast from narcissistic rage by 2 narcissists. Cut off their supply of platitudes or make them look bad and they go nuclear. That's why you just blow smoke up their ass until you're clear of the blast area.
SheLarror1234 4 days ago
Mom and grandparents are shit prob. Definitely narcissists. I have the exact same type of family so i recognize.
Un beta yourself. It was probably programed in you psychologically to have that mindset of approval, but its beta. Like you said, you dont owe your parents shit realistically, nor do you owe your grandparents shit. Use your moral precision. You especially dont owe your mother shit for teaching you wrong and doing all that narc shit to you.
I recommend whytehorse advice. But also remember most people are somewhat narc, especially woman. So learn the all the traits and situations also.
If you want to learn if your thinking and mentalmoral process is right, you need testimony. You need proof, and you need case study. You need to learn that those traits are unrighteous, and that they are severely wicked and wrong. Go to r/raisedbynarcissist subreddit and read the content there. READ A LOT of the stuff there. You will recognize just who your dealing with, and recognize shitty people so your moral precision is not messed up by thinking your doing something wrong to someone when in reality your feelings and moral is just being used to manipulate and use you. In reality you probably don't even know just how much insecurities and damages these type of people have afflicted you, and here you are giving them free passes. This is a different battle than redpill and frame, because it could be your whole family. And people want to keep that image of family being close or whatever, even though family are most commonly prone to messing you up. Its even in the bible. Also, don't even bother with female strategy or blackpill stuff because its just going to corrupt things further. Just try with the best of your ability to prepare now to completely ghost. Read and inform yourself of whats really behind these people. Who they really are, first.
whytehorse2021 4 days ago
In response to your question about knowing if your frame is right: If you have to ask, you're probably being undermined. Maybe you're undermining yourself or someone else is undermining you. The 48 laws of power detail this explicitly.
coolsocks00 4 days ago
Your frame doesnt have to be right. It could be the complete opposite, it just has to be yours.
Read this, it's called the assertive bill of rights: https://www.winona.edu/resilience/media/assertive-bill-of-rights-worksheet.pdf
Rian Stone covers a lot of topics that would be helpful to you on his youtube channel. There is a sidebar series playlist on relevant topics.