I’ve been red pill aware for a couple years but until I got cheated on by my “unicorn gf” over a month ago I hadn’t really internalized it. Couple days ago I got tinder and for the first time I got laid on the first date, she was at least a 7 too so it’s not like I just hooked up with a land whale to get it over with. she even said “I don’t want this to be a hook up”, in that moment I knew I made the right choice by getting red pilled. If I was still totally BP I would have actually believed her.
So now I’m not sure where to go, do I wait a couple days and ask her to hang out again, or start looking for a new one right away. How often should I hit up a girl that I want to plate?
Also, I’m not sure if this is just me not being in an abundance mindset yet but I’m having a hard time getting the motivation to talk to more girls, even though I matched with like 20 girls on tinder over the past couple days and I’m sure a decent amount of them are DTF. I got absolutely no girls in high school and now that I’m in college and somewhat attractive and starting to get attention from girls it’s just a big adjustment for me and I don’t know how to handle it. I’m so used to going as far as I can with any girl that gives me attention, because I am so used to not having options for most of my life. How do I get used to a horizontal approach rather than a vertical one?
graphemecluster 3y ago
I know the feeling. I have been in exactly the same place. You articulate the details of the situation very eloquently.
My advice for you is to stop focusing on women. Everyone has some driving purposes in life, something they anchor themselves on; sometimes we’ll have two or three different anchors, there doesn’t have to be just one. You’re probably used to defining yourself by way of a romantic relationship with one specific woman. It’s what you anchored your life on.
You’re like a man who has been living out in the forest on his own. Every day you woke up and based all of your actives around finding food, shelter, and ensuring your basic survival. Even when you relaxed your relaxation was always defined in apposition to your constant survival struggle.
Now you find yourself in civilization where food and shelter is plentiful. You find this nice but also disorienting, because the central purpose of your life (finding food and shelter) has been ripped out from under you.
You literally don’t know what to do with yourself in this new environment.
So, you need to find a new purpose in life. Your post here incorrectly assumes that you can find the same sort of purpose doing “horizontal” as you had when you were doing “vertical”. You’re trying to take the drive and purpose you felt with vertical and somehow map it onto horizontal with a few modifications, or something, but you can’t.
You have to fundamentally reorient your life around something else. Fitness, some skill or hobby or passion, your career, money, whatever suits you best.
Get used to your love life being a side attraction, not the main show.
In terms of concrete dating advice about dating, specifically, I’d recommend to get pickier and less patient with women. Start filtering for LTR material.
A little fat? Not into fitness? Pass.
Didn’t text me back for 6 days? I’m not chasing, pass.
Riding the cock carousel hard? Pass.
Planning on moving away for school? I’m not chasing, pass.
Rude to me during an argument? Peace, I’m out.
Just because you can do horizontal doesn’t mean you have to. Just like having infinite food available doesn’t mean you have to stuff your face with potato chips and ice cream all day.
Find a new purpose, and don’t let a parade of trashy low quality women distract you from it. Horizontal is not all it’s cracked up to be. It’s important to make yourself attractive enough so that you have horizontal as an option, which you’ve apparently done. But it’s more about having the option in the first place, and less about exercising it indiscriminately.
esandman01 3y ago
The good thing is I do have a lot of passions and I keep myself busy. I’m majoring in engineering and keep a great GPA so I spend a decent amount of time on that, and Im studying and writing music on the side. Im taking lifting and diet seriously too so I’m in the gym like 6 days a week. I also go skateboarding whenever it’s nice out so I don’t get bored. after my last LTR ended I went monk mode for over a month doing the above things, So my issue isnt that women are the center of my life. Like I said I barely got any attention from women for the first 18 years of my life so I’m used to being on my own and dedicating my life to my own goals. I’m just not used to having options, and I’m definitely not used to actually having multiple women at once so I feel like I should give myself that experience. I think another thing is that I’m not looking for an LTR ( an actual girlfriend) at least until I graduate college. most college girls are just hoes riding the cock carousel especially since I go to a big university in a decent sized city with lots of frats, clubs, bars, etc.. so I feel like it’s a waste of time to sort through for an LTR when it’s basically guaranteed not to last. Doesn’t mean I’m gonna settle for fucking girls who are ugly and ridden with chlamydia but I don’t think any of them are relationship material especially right now.
BabyUareSoSexy 3y ago
If you want to meet more girls, get your ass off Tinder and start approaching girls in real life. You're wondering if you should look for another girl right away? The answer is always yes. The mistake many guys make here is getting comfortable with like 1-2 plates. If you do this, you'll get stuck and oneitis will kick you in the balls sooner or later. Don't see her too often, once a week is fine.
You start with one plate, get another one. Bang them and create abundance mentality. Like I said, you should ALWAYS be adding girls to your rotation. The luxury of being able to choose, that's what spinning plates is all about. If one plate breaks, you have a couple of backup girls. It's just the start that's hard, but once you get like 2 plates you can get sex on a regular basis, and meet more girls on the side and decide for yourself which girl deserves your attention the most.
esandman01 3y ago
Thanks for the advice. I want to add at least one more girl to my rotation. I’m not old enough to go to bars and I’m trying to get a fake id but it will take a while, so where do you recommend going to find them? I live in a relatively big city and am in college too.