Dear TRP fellows,

This is going to be a long ass post and I apoligize to you before even starting. Further, you will notice how much of a beta and bluepilled guy I am, I apologize for that too, which is even worst since I have been lurking and commenting the Reddit`s subforum for 6 years, yet looks like I learnt nothing since I find myself in a situation even worse compared to when I discovered TRP community:

I am a 28 yo guy, currently living in a small town in south Europe, with 0 plates, very few friends who are all in LTR, 0 buddies with positive attitude toward approaching females. I am not bad looking but I dont have the best face, I lift, I have a degree and a job, yet I lack any social skill, but it hasnt always been like that.

I had a small period where I was able to spin some plates and achieve some little academic goals, which was the best period of my life, and I thank so much the sidebar and the posts of the major contributors of TRP for that, without you guys this would have never been possible.

I started a LTR with a girl I met during my last year of uni, I was deeply convinced she was meant for me, since we had a lot in common, chemistry was great in and outside of the bed, came from a healthy family, educated, not a whore and so on.

During the pandemic period I had a burnout due to my old job enviroment being really toxic, she was very supportive and tried her best to cheer me up, but unsuccessfully since the problem was within me. This caused me to lose frame multiple times in front of her, but also a severe case of insomnia, irritability, depression, abuse of cannabis and any anti-social and negative attitude that can come to your mind. I just lost the will of enjoy life, all I was able to think about was the shitty job and changing it.

After two years together she left me, right when the pandemic situation was over (december 2021) and, despite I tried to keep her, I had to go NC since she was showing no sign of wanting me anymore. She`s jud had enough of my shitty behaviour and wanted to be free.

I went to therapy, I quitted cannabis, Ive travelled, Ive started to take some prescription drugs for my sleep issue, but most importantly I managed to change that shitty and toxic job for a temporary one, which is not the job of my life but is well paid and NOT TOXIC.

Despite that, I feel very lonely, eveytime I see a friend all they talk about are their LTRs, children, dogs, houses and so on. But mostly, I miss the girl I`ve developed a severe one itis for, despite since the end of our relationship and the pandemic all she has done is whoring around. Although I try to stick to that thought and do not break NC, everyday I wake up thinking of a way of getting her back, or just missing her, which is pointless. I want so bad to demonstrate her how my life has changed, how much of a better person I am at the moment, and I feel so guilty for the poor treatment I reserved her during the last months of our relationship. I really have no idea how to eliminate these negative thoughts, it seems like the obsession for the job has rebounded to the obsession for this girl, who I know there is no chance to get back, and most importantly I know deep inside me I would never be able to accept anymore since she has whored around after leaving me.

I feel in the most clueless period of my life, and I need advice.

Thank to all of you that will reach the and of my post.