My plate asked if I was "seeing other girls"
I told her yes but in other words.
(I assume we are both seeing others until we talk about it)
The thing is that i am actually developing feelings for her.
Did she do her part in the exclusive talk or do I need her to literally say "We should be exclusive" because maybe she was just testing the waters? Imagine if i said no, her pussy wouldve shriveled up and dehydrated.
am i supposed to ask her for exclusiveness, since she brought it up?? like she went 50% so i go the other 50%. Or do girls go 100% in this conversation since men are gatekeepers
hannulv 4y ago
Exclusivity is your only bargaining chip in a relationship and a golden prize that many women are seeking. Do not fucking throw it away. It is like folding a winning poker hand with your chips all in.
When and if you decide to give her the gift of your exclusivity, she needs to begging for it, and you need to ensure that very clear boundaries are set on your expectations of exclusivity.
i.e. I am not exclusive with girls that... Party with other dudes when I'm not around. Message/Hang out with their exes. Dress up like sluts and do girls night out. Broadcast their sexual availability on IG. Put themselves in sexually compromising situations. etc. etc.
Exclusivity is a more serious commitment than many people's marriages. You are unwilling to make that sort of ultra serious move, unless she understands that it is serious for both of you. If you're going to give her the key to your chastity harness, then you better be damn sure that she's going to be you're little slut and only yours.
pocketroxx 4y ago
Thats why I didnt bring it up even though we were talking about it. But the thing is I do want exclusivity with this plate (for now). I have been with a wide variety of girls and we share sexual/non sexual chemistry.
So in this case, if i want exclusivity, how should i go about this? Should i bring it up next time i see her, or wait until she asks directly. Do girls ever ask THAT direct? I feel like her asking if i was seeing others was direct already.
hannulv 4y ago
First of all, you should never want exclusivity. It is only a trap for you.
Girls are wired to want only their top choice, guys are wired to want variety. When you pursue exclusivity you are putting yourself in the gimpsack, kills your abudance and attractiveness and it has no positive impact on her.
There are 3 scenarios:
The only time it makes sense to be exclusive is in scenario 1, when she completely adores you, and you are so fucking attractive that every moment of her day is filled with passive dread. Only then, exclusivity can be provided in order to add enough comfort to keep her in the relationship. You can lose a girl who is going crazy thinking about you with other girls.
Even then, you should only do it if the following conditions are met:
Otherwise, just set her free if her comfort meter can't accept non-exclusivity anymore.
[deleted] 4y ago
[--removed--]
hannulv 4y ago
You can have lots of girlfriends and LTRs without being exclusive to them. Hell, King David had a 1000 wives and concubines. Holy Roman Emperor Chalemagne had 6. Muslim men have up to four serious LTRs at a time.
Why do you think you need put your nuts in a chastity harness like a simp in order to get a girl? Why do you think that a girl committing herself to you means anything?
[deleted] 4y ago
[--removed--]
hannulv 4y ago
You just don't get it. A promise of exclusivity from a woman is meaningless. The only reason to provide a woman exclusivity is to give her comfort when she is at the breaking point of dread so she won't shatter.
In the scenario in question, the woman is not asking for exclusivity. Instead, the man is pursuing exclusivity in order to give himself comfort. This comfort is delusional.
If the man is her best option, then her exclusivity already exists regardless of whether he reciprocates. If the man is not her best option, then her exclusivity will never exist, regardless of what she promises.
Men seeking exclusivity in order to provide themselves comfort that the girl isn't with other guys is fucking retarded. Pursuing exclusivity is for girls. At best he's setting a terrible tone and compromising his ability to lead in the relationship by voluntarily asking to subjugate himself to a girl that doesn't want it.
At worst he's repulsing her by being a needy emotional bitch while cockblocking his own abundance and turning himself into an unattractive man-sissy that's begging to give mommy the keys to his cocklock.
Putting on a cocklock is your only bargaining chip EVER with a girl. Do not seek it out. Do not do it lightly. Do not trade it for nothing.
[deleted] 4y ago
[--removed--]
Nich2022 4y ago
Basically this… high quality women will leave after x amount of time if you aren’t committing
tenet 4y ago
questioning people giving you advice, is healthy even if you're not experienced
but it is more important to start questioning your beliefs that got you to the point in which you found yourself and probably don't want to be.
"you can't dangle the carrot in front of a girl forever" if you dare to explain how do you know and what set of behaviours led her to abandon ship. Long story short - it is nearly impossible to explain.
YOu will only know more by having experience on both sides [i.e. which can be achieved by having quality girls that you commit to and you don't] and then by comparison you ONLY MIGHT know what worked better. MIGHT? you ask. Yeah.
You don't know what really happens in their lives, they are not rats in cage. You can control only yourself. Make peace with it, it is not easy.
Very imperfect way of obtaining that knowledge is by using male community for refined tips. Like today's F-22 are years of technology refinement. Difference is: parts of aircraft can be measured and tested. Human can't - not in a standard way of thinking otherwise we would be sending people to psychologist and in a week/year they would come out repaired.
Get real there is not many of us. If you can't believe 'us' who can you believe then.
liftheavystuff 4y ago
She could be angling for exclusivity, or could be assessing your SMV (i.e. preselection), which in turn could be precursor to angling for exclusivity I guess.
Either way, just say yes, even if you aren't; make her be direct. I've made this error before.
The thing is, girls can say anything they want about being exclusive and there will be a subset that will cheat. You can only control YOUR actions.
pocketroxx 4y ago
She was angling and testing the waters for sure. I am expecting this conversation part 2 when she comes over in a few days
Can you explain what you mean by this?
Nich2022 4y ago
It really depends on what you want. What people said below is A1 game but do you WANT to be exclusive? If you do, why not say so to her? Cause of the fear how she’ll view you??? Fuck that, if she dries up cause you want a relationship, she’s clearly not the one for you. Too many rules.. just live your life the way you want, the circumstances will eventually present themselves (whether good or bad).
whytehorse2021 4y ago
That's a comfort test. She wants to know where she stands amongst the competition. When she says "So, what are we?" that's the exclusivity talk. Never bring up exclusivity. Just hint that you would never LTR a woman who sleeps with other guys while with you. You just progressively set boundaries and she chooses to act appropriately or she eliminates herself.
pocketroxx 4y ago
Comfort test? So i shouldve said she was the only one?
whytehorse2021 4y ago
I would say "I'm not seeing any girls as sexy as you..."