Will try to make it short.
23m work fully remotely in tech
Been seeing this chick past few months. I've known her since I was 18 (we went to same college), some stuff happened and now we've been FWB past few months but of course we both have started to develop feelings, after I brought up I was starting to (I know, broke the rule of never bringing up feelings first but time is ticking). as we spoke, shes absolutely wanting to date me but only if I continue living in the city, neither of us want to deal with long distance bs.
Time is ticking cause my apartment lease ends in a month, and I'm not sure where I'm gonna move. It's either stay in current city, go back to hometown, or go to a new huge city where my company is and do some bold shit. I've never left my home state and am getting a lot of external pressure from family to make the move to get out of my comfort zone and explore. All 3 cities are large with professional sports teams (USA)
1) hometown is dope as i have tons of friends and family there, should easily be able to find lots of stuff todo. that being said, it's 'nothing special' as it's well my hometown
2) current town is kinda eh, tbh don't really have that many friends here and often experience boredom, but this girls fun to do stuff with.
3) new city is brand new experience, sounds fun but when I visited there felt a little overwhelmed. but provides an opportunity to meet with younger coworkers, and experience something totally new
part of me wants to stay where I am and maybe continue pursuing shit with this girl. im considering a short-term lease to mitigate risk if this doesn't work out.
Some red flags, but a lot of green as well
Red:
- she had her fun in college, definitely fucked around
- got with me despite the fact I was good friends with her ex (if we dated we would be pretty low key about it)
- recently broke up with said ex 5 months ago
- snapped other guys while we were FWB, 1 of which she used to fuck (to be fair we never established exclusivity)
- 6/10 in looks
Green:
- very good/playful in bed
- no hesitation to pay for my food/drinks
- likes to surprise (brought me some food during a workout)
- genuinely enjoys spending her time with me
- hard work ethic, works 40+ hours a week, is also working to get a job in tech
- good well rounded family, no daddy issues etc
- doesn't consistently do drugs, only likes to drink
thoughts? its been a good 4 years since i was in a serious relationship (ive hooked up with 10+ girls since then tho, not an incel) and im deff vibing with the chick
OR should i just drop this ho and figure what's best for myself? sounds like some oneitis/honeymoon/lack of abundance mentality i'm feeling.
would love any advice on this preferably from older folk thanks in advance
redhawkes 2 4y ago
Put yourself in the drivers seat dude. Don't make decisions revolving around pussy, it won't work for a long. I can see you're already making excuses for her - reformed slut. Don't live in her frame.
Keep smashing and focus on your shit, no need to drop her if she's not causing you troubles. Bitch wont fill that void.
mattyanon Admin 4y ago
Don't put your life on hold for a woman who isn't the mother of your children.
How will you feel if you stay where you are and this girl ends things next week?
Do 1 or 3, convert this girl to a long distance FWB.
psychedelicmindset 4y ago
If she ended things I'd dip out of this city the next week lol.
Guess (3) is the move, just keep her as a long distance FWB when we cross paths.
Intrepid_Place53900 1 4y ago
and find more and better, girls.
nfc66 4y ago
23 years old. LTR. Just, why?
psychedelicmindset 4y ago
What’s so bad about it with respect to my age. They’re enjoyable
Intrepid_Place53900 1 4y ago
Ok, Let me digest this.
she's a 6/10 and you are thinking of making her a LTR and she's played the field, and you are 23? And, she's staying in the city, that you don't care much for.
Think about that.
You are 23. The city where you company is, you can move up, make more case, good opportunity? Go for it. You are so young, this is when you can take chances, try to move up the chain, make cash, set yourself up.
Are those things you want though, what's your goals?
off hand, I'd rank your options as.
1) new city where company is, take a chance 2) move back home, friends, can do ok, have fun 3), stay in current city, do not get a new lease, make her get the lease. If things go south, you just leave. If it's your lease, she's using you and/or you can't just kick her out so easy,etc. I don't know why you'd choose this for a FWB though, you are catching oneitis for a girl who's fucking you regularly.
psychedelicmindset 4y ago
Two of my goals:
1) I've been wanting a relationship for a while. I seriously enjoy spending time with someone at that level and having companionship.
2) Having more of a life. I work 9-5, lift, cook, play basketball, but oftentimes find myself trying to 'fill the void' with my time on weekends. It's almost a point where I just look forward to making it to bedtime just so I can make it to the next day. A relationship I think would really help with that, but that being said, this probably stems to deeper issues ie) unhappiness, getting more hobbies, side hustle, make more friends, etc.
Career-wise... I really should have more defined goals, but to be completely honest, in my profession I could easily do just what's needed and be pretty successful. I work as a software engineer.
Definitely am catching oneitis over this. While we title ourselves 'FWB', it's at the point where we pretty much are dating (exclusivity, we go on dates, talk daily, etc). We spoke over this, assuming I continue living where I am, we'd be bf/gf. Living with her is also off the table; she currently lives at home w/ parents and that's really not something I'd be ok with.
But, I think I need to slow the fuck down and make a decision that's best for me, and not that's all for some relationship that would probably hold me back from growth. Your first 3 blocks definitely put shit into perspective.
[deleted] 4y ago
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whytehorse2021 4y ago
Move where the cost of living is lowest and there are no income taxes.
psychedelicmindset 4y ago
all 3 are low/similar COL and no state income tax.
whytehorse2021 4y ago
It doesn't matter then. You could go month-to-month on your apartment and when your hoe cheats on you leave to a town with a higher hoe density.