Because of the shit that I've had to go through just to get to this point I have developed a negative knee jerk reaction to words like "nice" or anything to do with being a "boyfriend." My FWB had taken this weekend off and wanted it to spend it with me. Me being a dipshit, my reflex kicked in before I could logically think about it and immediately shot it down because in my mind I saw spending valentines day weekend with her as boyfriend shit.
What I realized later after the conversation happened is that I realized that it's NOT my responsibility to prevent a girl form catching feelings for me it's hers. Also that girl who struggles with her self esteem tried to plan something with me, which is good behavior because showed interest and desire and I punished her by shooting it down.
After I realized that I brought up spending the weekend with her and she told me she had already made plans to do something else. I know that's code for someone else, but whatever. I didn't bring it up again, and I noticed that she has become a bit distant and pulled a way a bit after I turned her plans down.
I tried to set up a booty call with her during the week and she told me that she was out with family that day so she would let me know if she could swing by. No text came later, not even a "i cant today sorry" style text. That peeved me because if you say you're going to do something do it.
Anyways, at this point I figured that if she's withdrawing attention so should I. She texted me some low effort shit the following day and I left her on delivered. She tried video calling me later the same night but I was out trying to add more plates to my rotation so I din't answer. She texted me some more low effort shit this morning and I left her on read.
So my two questions are:
1) I'm assuming I should keep withholding my attention to until she initiates with some sort of sexual advance/ suggestion?
2) Should I try to make up for shooting her idea down? I would let it go and forget about it but I would like her to try and plan spontaneous shit in the future to keep things interesting.
SgtBuchannon99 4y ago
The biggest most controversial trope of redpill is the resistance to intimacy. Ideally you want a plate or girlfriend with genuine MUTUAL intimacy. I think most men, and people desire this more than money. Its just some guys give it to the wrong women or go about it the wrong way, and develop oneitis and get burnt. As a result there is this anti-feelings movement that redpillers take to the extreme, i was once a victim of that.
There is nothing wrong with valentines day if she is worthy of it. I am not talking about marriage but just having a connection (sexual+emotional) with a plate. Just enjoy yourself mate and have some feelings here and there but never be a beta about it. There is a reason most players with high n-count eventually settle with a valuable women, usually because casual sex gets empty after you rack up your numbers and also because youve tasted a large variety you know quality when you see it, its not always looks either but it surely is a part of the equation.
Remember the goal for redpill dating is extreme vetting. The endgame is to eventually find a quality submissive woman. The whole process of plating woman is designed for vetting them for FWB, and eventually LTR. What you did here was treated a FWB like a plate. You went against the code of plate -> fwb -> ltr and disturbed the ecological system
-SB
WayLateToThis 4y ago
That's part of my "problem" so to speak, I've been conditioned that feelings and emotion make you look like needy beta And since I've known for too long where that gets you with women I don't even like coming close to anything that could land me in the friendzone. My experience has been cold jackasses get laid, guys who dare act like humans and dare to care about anybody but themselves don't. Also we've only been fooling around for two months or so, I didn't want to give off any sort of commitment or "you're a bit special to me" vibes either.
That makes sense. Is there a way I should approach "restoring the balance" of ecosystem or should I just give it time?
late_bloomer 4y ago
Not op but can you share more of how you go past that? I’ve definitely here at the moment because I’ve been burnt in the past. I’ve been at the shit end of unrequited love. I personally lived through it and it broke me for a long time. I don’t want to go through that ever again; I never want to feel that ever again. So my protection mechanism has been to make my self as cold and unfeeling as possible, just giving into bits here and there to keep myself sane and human so to speak.
coolsocks00 1 4y ago
It's like the last step out of the anger phase and into a good RP mindset. I think it comes down to the difference between understanding female nature and actually accepting it.
When you accept female nature (solipsism, hypergamy etc.) you can love them for what they are, and your past projections (e.g. disney romance, motherly love) disappear.
Accept that she is never yours, and that it's just your turn, and be able to enjoy it while it lasts. I think this ability can come from lasting success and abundance, but only coupled with the wish to accept female nature and not be at odds with it.
There are many accounts of guys having good relationships with multiple women and loving each one openly, though it's not common. I'd say it might be more common among blue pilled alphas (naturals) than redpill guys.
I recall Dan Rose the author of Sex God Method explained some of his perspective on this in the book. He was openly loving and affectionate with his girls (OLTR's) but he wasnt displaying needy behaviour. Maybe you can take something from that.
I've said it before. If you want lasting relationships you need beta traits as well as alpha traits. People misunderstand this and equate beta with Bluepill, but they are not the same concepts.
unplugged69 4y ago
Yes you fucked up but you recognize it. If you wanted to spend Valentine's with her and she suggested it, then it's fine. The reason we tell guys to act like robots with women is because too many guys overdo the romance shit and turn them off.
Once you are more advanced you learn it's not a 1 or a 0 but a spectrum and you adjust it depending on the girl and the situation. The key is to always invest less than her, if you maintain that then you will be fine.
As SgtBuchannon says you treated an FWB like a plate and she's pulling back. You're doing the right thing by also pulling back, if she does reach out and wants to see you then fuck her like it's your last time and then cuddle with her to give her comfort.
Anyway in the meantime assume you need to find a replacement and go game other women. That way you come out on top no matter what happens
pfeilmacher 4y ago
You're so reactive. Huge beta male energy right there.
Fucking relax and enjoy life. Some girl likes you, offers her body to you....don't be a cunt to her. Be cool and laid back. Jesus christ why do so many of you make this so hard?
late_bloomer 4y ago
Wow who could have though that some men here are learning because they weren’t raised right. How dare they have questions am I right fellow gigachads! -__-
pfeilmacher 4y ago
If you're being a little bitch, then you need to be called out for it. I'm not going to mince words or candy coat things in order to protect feelings here. That's how momma's talk to their little boys.
Can't handle it? Then bye!
whytehorse2021 4y ago
Aaron Clarey just had a major epiphany last night on Fresh and Fit with Rollo. He was describing how women seek a perfect state of mind. This is epic new shit in red pill theory. Once you understand how women seek the perfect mental state it makes things easy.
Imagine what her perfect mental state is and make it happen to your benefit. She probably has some fantasy about you being some GigaChad that sweeps her off her feet on valentine's day and she can take photos and post it to her friends on snapchat. This is actually the root of alpha widows and now we have some kind of scientific approach to this phenomenon.
Element5th 4y ago
Can you share some more if you have researched it already ie: link to podcast and literature backup. thanks
whytehorse2021 4y ago
Here's the podcast with Rollo and Aaron on F&F https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w86dSpLV2aA
Rollo takes it further and describes how this is the root of alpha widows. Basically guys who know how to play women to get them into that perfect mental state. Women, by nature, use cognitive dissonance to reach that mental state. So you just feed into that. My wife is perfectly fine being a slut in bed and acting like the virgin Mary in public.
grilledcheesaroo 4y ago
Who gives a fuck? Be distant, too. If she crawls back then she wants you. If she doesn't then who cares?
Element5th 4y ago
My first reaction to your post.
She books weekend off and doesn't tell you she planned your time. Fuck its 1-2 days. Your reaction although allegedly too quick, not only was reasonable but if it is what I think it is, you might have pass shit test.
Your second reaction was not good. If you though your 1st reaction was too abrupt then before taking 2nd decision you should take 100 deep breaths, hyperventilate, pass out and wake up with better idea later. You didn't take step back you lost the frame or made it doubtful. Now you need to reframe it or STFU.
You can still criticize her for not consulting stuff with you and say you have time when you have time and that time was when you proposed and if she going to be little brat the you do this and that.
What happened, happened.
Enjoy the ride be positive, don't get tense or defensive, don't explain shit unless you will come up with good reframe option.