So I started seeing a girl I met after a long dry spell. Because she’s the only girl I’m seeing right now, I kind of couldn’t help developing feelings for her and engaging in boyfriend-type behavior (subtly for the most part.) Anyway, she gave me the talk recently and I said I wanted to keep things casual and she was okay with it.
But I feel like the situation is a time bomb. She clearly developed feelings for me, I developed feelings for her and it’s just going to end in a mess of hurt feelings. I’d consider dating her, but I doubt we’re compatible long term for a few reasons (she’s a big leftist, covid worrier). So wwyd? Part of me thinks just end it before more attachment is built, but I don’t want to lose her even though it’s inevitable in a sense. And I feel guilty, because it’s emotionally painful for me, so I imagine it is even more painful for her.
Durek_The_Bald 4y ago
"I’d consider dating her, but I doubt we’re compatible long term for a few reasons (she’s a big leftist, covid worrier)"
Regardless of what else you should or shouldn't do, women tend to mold their opinions and outlook on whichever guy they're into. So unless her mindset is a flat out turn-off to you, I wouldn't bother too much about political leanings, normie bullshit and things like that. Like, a woman being terrified of Covid, or global warming, or whatever is the latest thing you're "supposed" to be afraid of, that's to be expected. Women follow, it's what they do.
But if she's into you, and you lead the way, she'll fairly quickly mold herself to be more like you. And if she's already to your taste with regards to things like that, you could probably be best buddies with her ex boyfriend lol. Cause that's where she got that from.
So you see, it doesn't really matter that much.
Muslims know this. This is why in most Islamic cultures, it's at least somewhat socially accepted for a muslim man to marry a non-muslim woman - but not the other way around. Because ultimately, it's a question of a member gained vs. a member lost.
Sprocus 4y ago
Work on cultivating an abundance mindset, otherwise you'll spin in circles. You need to be OK with whatever happens, and emotional investment like that isn't gonna help anything.
I'd also maintain frame as much as I could.
hannulv 4y ago
"Plate" is just fancy RP lingo for non-exclusive dating. Dating exclusively is a HUGE commitment that means more than many people's marriages. When you agree to date exclusively, you are giving away your personal autonomy to a girl. For you to do that you need to establish a high level of confidence in that girl's behavior and choices, and you need make it very clear what your boundaries are in the context of that commitment.
If that girl didn't want a commitment, it would mean she was abnormal, broken, or not that into you. But just because she WANTS it, doesn't mean she's earned it. All girls want commitment, but it doesn't mean that they're bringing things to the table that merit it. If you're certain the girl completely adores you, would go to jail for you, would change her religion for you, respects your boundaries, etc. Then and only then can you consider giving her your greatest gift reserved for someone that you completely dig and want to be faithful to. That gift is commitment.
Until then, don't let her anywhere near the fucking key to your chastity harness. She will own your ass, and convert you into her bitch. Don't feel guilty that you aren't giving her what she wants, until you are confident in her. She may move on and that's OK, because you are non-exclusive and have plenty of other girls you could call up or approach.
It's fine to have feelings for a girl and fine for her to have feelings for you, but as a Rational man, you realize that you can enjoy each other without making an ill-fated commitment that leads down a road of grief. If you DO make that commitment, then you are a monster, asshole, and liar. You're going into a commitment under false pretenses, because you don't actually like who she is and think it's going to work out, instead you just want to keep the peace and placate her at the cost of your own integrity.
whoami_root 4y ago
OP, this man speaks the truth. This is the biggest mistake I used to make in my blue pill days.
mattyanon Admin 4y ago
Crocodile tears.
Women love emotion and right after she's finished telling you how she destroyed her life she'll hop right on the next dick. SHE WILL BE FINE. Don't worry about girls. They'll be fine. THEY ARE ALWAYS FINE.
The guilt the induce is to instill white knight feelings in you.
Don't fall for that, she has a million more options and you don't. Worry about yourself.
Nope, it's all much much less painful for her. Women have a billion easy options. When was the last time you had 20 attractive members of the opposite sex beg to take you for dinner in the hopes of sleeping with you? When was the last time a guy profited from marriage?
SHE WILL BE FINE. Enjoy her.
pfeilmacher 4y ago
Why are you forcing yourself to make a decision? You've been honest with her, and she's cool with it. Let her manage her own feelings.
And keep fucking her good.
whytehorse2021 4y ago
Just put your dick in her ass already. Once I realized my wife would let me do that I lost all guilt. Same with shoving your dick all the way down her throat. Time bomb defused. Attachment reversed. AWALT.
What you're experiencing is a normal male brain change after mating. It's an abnormal series of oxytocin and vasopressin releases that trigger your "beta" characteristics such as mate-guarding, territorialism, and eventually parental investment. These will suppress your "alpha" traits if you succumb to them. And then your bitch will dump you.