Alright Im going to try to keep this as concise as possible. I'm 28 and until a week ago I was a virgin. I recently switched office jobs and on my last day one of the girls who I had been working with helped take some stuff to my car. When I was done she grabbed my hand and placed it around her throat and verbatim told me "I want you to be my daddy."
At this point I'm still working on getting in shape, working on my frame, and wasn't even looking for pussy. But I'm almost 30 and life literally dropped kinky and submissive 18yo pussy in my lap. I clearly jumped at the opportunity, over the next week this chick stroked my ego to incredible heights and essentially worship the ground I walked on. She would text me how wet she was for me and how she couldn't wait for me to rail her out.
So far go good right? Yea bro you gonna get laid! yea!! Here's where the "issues start." Firstly this girl isn't really my type, I find her attractive'ish but honestly I would have probably never tried to bang her. I figured this was actually a good thing because I wouldn't be overly excited on my first time. Skipping the boring logistics part. I got her back to my place, I even managed to get and took a 25mg viagra pill on the advice of many post here to prevent "performance anxiety."
Honestly it was ok but not as mind blowing as I thought It would be, still happy that i don't have the virginitis curse hanging over my head anymore. She was super nervous and shy so I was in complete control of the situation which obviously helped a lot. However here's where the problems really start:
Even with the viagra I couldn't get properly hard, I got hard enough to get head and fuck but unfortunately I went soft 3 times. I kind of played it off and half cared and half didn't. It was like my cock was completely numb, when was getting blown I couldn't feel much even when she was swirling her tongue on my head. Then when I put a rubber on and went in her I couldn't feel anything. I don't think she was "loose" because when I went down on her It was a struggle to fit my ring and middle finger in her to finger her while I ate her out. Even with all my stumbles I made her cum six times the last two with penetration. She eventually finished me off by jerking me off and throating me but I'm still perplexed that could't stay hard. She told me that I was the first man to make her cum and that I was her best lay so I guess it's not all bad.
My Question is did any of y'all deal with something similar with new chicks or during your first time? I would go soft while stoking inside her but then when we were laying together and she was paying with my hair I would get hard again. I would have understood going soft if I would have been nervous and anxious but I wasn't; or I was doing a real good damn job of ignoring it because we were doing what I wanted, when I wanted, at my pace. Could it be death grip? or that I wasn't that into her to begin with? maybe the angle that I was going in her? I'm still baffled that as someone who's never dealt with any form of ED I could't stay hard even with viagra.
Luckily at this point she thinks I have good dick and god tier oral skills so she wants a repeat performance but I don't want to go soft again. I want to be able to properly fuck next time. I'll probably double up on the viagra and buy different condoms that are thinner. But clearly this is a stop gap fix and I'd rather get to the root of the issue as I've never needed a pill to get hard.
Temerity18 about a year ago
Yea, it still looks like performance anxiety. You wrote the clue yourself: When she was playing with your hair you got hard.
You focussing your attention on your dick makes it limp. When your attention is not on your member it enthousiastically gets engorged.
Congrats on losing the v-card.
WayLateToThis about a year ago
thanks. Yea any tips on this. How am i not supposed to not focus on my dick feeling good during sex lol
Temerity18 about a year ago
Focusing on the pleasure is ok. Focusing on hardness is not.
The best thing is to not focus at all. Just relax and be in the moment.
In my experience when I relaxed I just released the brakes. And just let my body do what it felt like doing. Conveniently, that is usually what she wants as well.
WayLateToThis about a year ago
this actually helped me out a lot yesterday. Thanks for the advice man!
whytehorse2021 about a year ago
I just imagine having a big ole dick in my ass and I stay hard but that may be because I'm bi.
MrSupreme about a year ago
You mean big like a horse dick or just dick
whytehorse2021 about a year ago
Just big enough to hurt, but not enough to get butt hurt.
Cancelcancelculture about a year ago
Asking the important questions!
WayLateToThis about a year ago
it looks like whytehorse2021 left us with blue balls
mattyanon about a year ago
First time is often just not that great. It gets better!
meh, it's fine, easier next time with less nerves.
look at different / thinner / better fitting condoms but yes they suck.
You're not used to the sensations of sex, you're nervous, and not used to it. It gets easier.
jerk off less, less porn, learn to relax and care less, etc.
WayLateToThis about a year ago
Thanks. I'll keep all of this in mind, especially the last part.
Cancelcancelculture about a year ago
DAMN, from 28yo virgin to slamming some 18yo pussy with a choke fetish... thats quite the escalation. My first time was my 16yo birthday, blind drunk with one of my dirty ho KFC colleagues. Came all over the trampstamp on her lower back.
I will say, that the anxiety may actually have inadvertently made you a better lover as cumming can really lower the motivation to plunder her pussy the way she needs to hit that mountain peak... and the ego stroking shes been doing sounds like testament to your skills...
I know the feeling of fucking a girl that you know in your soul isnt really your type and you'd be embarrassed to date or take home to your mother... she can be objectively sexy AF too... although I know it most from a low point in my life where I was swiping right on the dregs of tinder... you have to really lower your standards to order girls around to your place like you would a dominoes pizza unless you got the looks or the cash... but I digress, a quick fix can be to choose some porn before meeting up with her that really hits the spot, store it in the wankbank... so when it comes to business time you can close your eyes or make it dark enough such that when your banging, you can pretend its the girl of your dreams... the imagination can fix a lot of the issues if your just fucking for practice or relaxation.
WayLateToThis about a year ago
Yea it kind of felt like someone who didn't know how to swim trying to be a free diver the first time they got in the water lol.
Bulba about a year ago
Quit porn and stop jerking off. You don't need viagra.
itsentirelypossible about a year ago
It took me like 2 ish months of having sex pretty much on day to day basis to get rid off my performance anxiety and to keep my dick 100% the whole time. I was also in a weird place mentally as my brain was starting to form feels for her, but I've usually never had any emotions. So it was really weird being in such a contradictory state.
Death grip also was a huge issue. I jerked off for years with death grip before having sex. After I realized death grip was a part of my problems, I stopped jerking off completely. I will not touch my dick with my hand, rather have my girl do the job.
WayLateToThis about a year ago
Thanks for the insight. The only times i could get a legit good feeling was when she was jerking me off so I think this might be a problem. How long did it take for your junk to regain its "normal" sensitivity if you don't mind me asking.
itsentirelypossible about a year ago
It still hasn't. Been a month about since I last touched it with my own hand.
Durek_The_Bald about a year ago
Relax, and let her make you hard. Your erection is her responsibility. If you go soft, it's because she hasn't done a good enough job turning you on. You know how women expect you to make them wet? Yeah well, you can't be in charge of everything. You make her wet, she makes you hard, them's the rules. Just tell her: "You need to make me harder first", and don't be a pussy about it.
WayLateToThis about a year ago
This is actually a mentality thats never crossed my mind before. I was so focused on getting inside a girl that I'd never thought of the dynamics of the actual act. I'm definitely going to work towards internalizing this mentality.