Hi brothers, I have no idea how to text girls outside of just having casual sex. I don't text any of my plates other than setting up a time / place to meet up, fuck, repeat. I want a more serious relationship right now, and I'm sure just texting to set up a time to fuck isn't conducive to building something deep.
I went out with this girl this past weekend and it was great. She seemed super into me: responded well to kino and even initiated touches, showered me with compliments (appearance and style), maintained strong eye contact, and even opened up a ton (saying that she's never felt more vulnerable before).
After the date, she texted me she got home and had an amazing time. I text that I had a nice time. The next day, she texts me a picture of her cooking, and I respond by saying her family is lucky and I want to try her food. Then radio silence for the next few hours until she tells me cooking together would be “so cute.”
For context, she has an exam she's studying for, so we penciled in a date toward the end of the month. I don't really care how long it takes her to get back to me, but given the span of time between now and our planned date, what do I do to keep this warm / engaged?
Any pointers would be huge.
mattyanon about a year ago
be sure you know what "more serious" means.
this isn't opening up, this is girl game
that's not hot sex
ok.
Be very careful here: starting off with "emotion/serious" is playing into the female hand, which is basically beta dating. It puts you in a weak position because you're giving her everything she wants and you're getting nothing, which makes her investment low and yours high, which means she can happily walk away whereas that sucks for you. Understanding this dynamic (in her and in you) is critical to a happy dating life.
For instance: you are straight into "how can I make this work", and that's a sucky place to be. It's much better to be in a position of not caring and not investing. This is easy AND it is more attractive. Conversely: guy investing and making efforts and caring is a weak and unattractive position. And it sucks for you.
Are you really sure you want to go down this route, knowing it's a turnoff for girls and difficult for you?
Maintain your abundance, text little, hint about the fun you're having (but never give all details), keep her hooked and chasing while you answer at your leisure.
ChadifiedAsian about a year ago
Appreciate it, bro. I’ll just let her initiate if anything. Could you elaborate on “girl game?”
mattyanon about a year ago
stuff they say to elicit positive male reactions / commitment/ interest
whytehorse2021 about a year ago
I just go do shit with my wife. Fishing, camping, hiking, watching movies. Last night we watched "Freddy got fingered" and it was a blast. I told her it was a love story so she wanted to watch it.
Vermillion-Rx about a year ago
In an LTR or something else that's more serious than casual it's mostly the same concept. Text for logistics but if there's something interesting, funny, etc. that comes across, there's not much of a problem with sending some messages as if they are some bread crumbs to a pigeon.
You just don't want it to devolve to the point where you are having a digital relationship over your phone. Women will milk that free attention and commitment out of you over their phones if you enable it.
Definitely don't text much with a purely casual relationship but for something more serious just bread-crumbing it is not an issue. She should just never get the sense that she can suck your attention and resources into on-command phone engagement as if you have nothing better to do.
Still heavily and primarily prioritize in-person time over any digital engagement
Edit: I want to clarify, I inferred you might have already had a plate that was more serious, I wouldn't suggest texting more as a way to make it more serious. My comments assume you already have a more serious plate to begin with, not trying to get one
ChadifiedAsian about a year ago
Fair. And right - this is to establish something more serious. None of my current plates are LTR worthy. Given this, is bread-crumbing still a go?
Vermillion-Rx about a year ago
I've only had one LTR, texting her outside of hanging out never hurt me but I allowed her to text and facetime me excessively and I think that hurt the quality or the LTR. I felt smothered and started to become very dissatisfied. Broke up with her but not for that reason.
If YOU enjoy sending a few messages here and there yeah. If you feel good then yeah. I take it as a good sign when a girl texts me outside of seeing her. It means she's actually thinking about you and putting in effort to stay in touch.
Like previously mentioned though, just don't let it ever get to the point where she thinks she can milk you for attention or that texting you is a substitute for meeting up
IBelieveInTheFallen about a year ago
If a girl is interested but you message her too much, does that lead to her leading you on and losing interest?
Vermillion-Rx about a year ago
Honestly I can't even speak from experience on this one because ironically, being on the autism spectrum means I've never had enough to talk about to even make this specific mistake
I did lose a couple of platonic female friends back in my teens over it though. Possibly because my social skills were trash at that time in my life in combination with texting them too much.
From seeing a ton of stories from other TRP Redditors over the years I would infer it does hurt you unless the girl is just that needy. At least that's the trend I've seen from those who did try to text too much