19 y/o guy here.
I am currently going out with this and we went on our first earlier this week (art gallery). It was... fine. But the last thing she said to me before leaving is that "we should hang out again", so it clearly wasn't a trainwreck.
Was wondering what sort of event is appropriate for a second date. I was thinking something more intimate and more private than an art gallery, something like dinner or a picnic sounded good (picnic especially), but I want to get some opinions from the pros.
I will be far too busy to go out with her this coming week and possibly too busy for the week after as well, but maybe that would have been too soon anyway.
What advice can you guys give me?
Cheers.
STAYShredded 4y ago
I always go to a dim lit bar on first dates like without exception. Somewhere that you can sit next to them on a couch kinda thing. This way it’s easy to escalate physicallly then eventually kiss them… you should be able to do this within an hour therefore only costing you 2-4 drinks depending if u pay for hers… next ‘let’s go get a drink somewhere else’ take them up to ur apartment. Surprised you haven’t heard if this date style before it is very affective and will get u results fast. Plus it weeds out the girls who are frigid really fast. It’s been over 1 year since I’ve gone on a date with a chick and not fucked her on the first date.
STAYShredded 4y ago
Obviously I’m doing well here, don’t expect every girl to fuck you that you take out but you should at least make a move.
Flaky_Session 4y ago
Well as a 19 y/o, I am still yet to move out of my parents house.
Actually, this is the main reason I will be so busy in the next few weeks. I am currently in the works of moving homes and going to inspections etc.
I'm also in the works of starting an eco-friendly business, which is also going to take up my time in the following weeks.
Hence, I have basically been ghosting this girl for the time being while I am getting my shit together.
Do you think that this is the right course of action?
STAYShredded 4y ago
You can ghost her a little bit but I wouldn’t take too long bc she’ll just forget about you otherwise, espically if you haven’t made her cum yet. Once you make girls cum, you can ghost them as much as you like and they’ll still come back.
As for living at home, I’m 21. Just spent 2 years living alone in an apartment living with parents atm as I just moved cities and trying to find a place that represents my social status (6 figure salary). What I’m doing atm is hiring out hotels. You can hire out online and check in provided it’s before midnight in lots of places. This mightn’t be an option for u bc it can get $$. I also find girls who have their own place lol that works too.
Did you kiss the girl on ur date? How old is she? And how did you find her (ie online, daygame, social circle). Are you looking for a plate (friends with benifiit) or an LTR? These are all important factors.
If u want to know if I’m qualified, I’m currently waiting in a hotel room for one of my plates to come and fuck after banging a different plate in the exact same room last night lol.
Flaky_Session 4y ago
I don't think renting out hotels is really worth it right now considering how close I am to having a place of my own. I can wait a couple of weeks without sex.
To answer your question: No, I didn't kiss her, she is the same age as me (19) and we met by having mutual friends (we go back from HS). As for your last question, I am honestly unsure as of right now, but I think having her as a plate sounds a lot better than an LTR right now.
STAYShredded 4y ago
That’s cool, so the thing is if you want her as a plate you need to start acting more aggressive ie. less ‘cute dates’ and trying to fuck her. Ngl tho girls from social circle imo are always good options for LTRs. An LTR where you don’t need to do cute shit is the goal imo so you r basically fuck buddied but exclusive so you can go raw and not get her pregnant.
Flaky_Session 4y ago
When it comes to messaging back so I don't ghost for too long, are there any recommendation when I should do it and what sort of things I should be saying when texting?
STAYShredded 4y ago
If u want a fuck buddy just text for logistics but don’t wait for too long before u ask her out again (once you fuck a girl approx 3 times u can relax bc they’re obviously keen at that point and you should be able to maintain for a while.
Flaky_Session 4y ago
Right, but exactly how long is "too long"?
Again, I really won't be available to meet her for the next two-weeks or so, but I would obviously have time to text.
STAYShredded 4y ago
I’d say two weeks is pushing it a bit but considering that’s the best you can do, just go with it… I’d usually try within a week. Text her a few days before you plan to meet her this way it won’t feel as long for her to be waiting
Flaky_Session 4y ago
Alright man, thanks so much for the advice :)
Bulba 4y ago
Did you even kiss her? This is not very clear to me from your post.
Where and how you date doesn't really matter as long as you make your intentions clear. If you aren't openly flirting with her she will put you in the friendzone very quickly.
Flaky_Session 4y ago
No, I didn't.
To be honest, my personal intentions with this girl was not very clear to myself. I was on the fence on if I even wanted to invest time in this girl, so I decided to go out with and see how I liked her.
I'm down for a second date, but not in the next few weeks and I feel like you may be right that it is possible she may see me as just a friend now.
Bulba 4y ago
Shoot first, ask questions later. If you are on the fence with a girl, at least kiss her.
It's ok to try a second date whenever you want but just remember that she is also dating several other guys at the same time. If you live in a Western country, you can assume almost every girl you take on a date is already having casual sex with someone else.
Flaky_Session 4y ago
Can't argue with that. What do you think the next course of action should be?
coolsocks00 1 4y ago
Avoid dinner dates and movie dates before youve had sex. Picnics are much better as you can sit closer and its more private and easier to escalate to touching and kissing. Going to dinner sitting on opposite ends of a table is obviously counter productive to this.
Bars are generally good. Straight to yours is always good if you know shes cool, but its good to give her some plausible deniability as to what you'll be doing. Going for drives is good, allowing for stops wherever for grabbing food or just escalating.
You probably get the idea. Anything that allows for escalating to at least touching and kissing is good for the first 1-2 dates. Activity dates like bowling, mini golf, bouldering or similar are also good (art gallery is fine, a bit pretentious for my taste but im just not into that).
Preferrably you go somewhere its easy to get back to yours/hers, or not too far by uber.
Flaky_Session 4y ago
A picnic sounds really good to me as well. Much more private than an art gallery and not as obvious as straight up inviting her to my place off the bat.
How long do you recommend ghosting her for? I will be pretty busy for most of this time anyway, so it's not an issue as to how long.
coolsocks00 1 4y ago
It's a very "talky" kind of date. Which is not my thing but it can work if you're good at intriguing conversation. Part of its strength is that you can do it practically anywhere. You should be picking the spot, which should be close to your place so you can pull.
I wouldnt recommend ghosting her (ghosting as in not answering her at all). But you definitely dont want to be hitting her up for no reason. It depends on your history with her as you want to be congruent. You sound like you have a life so you dont have to pretend to be busy like some guys need to do in the beginning. Text her back in a given time frame at the end of your day, or the next. It just signals that you're not gonna be her chatty friend.
Displays of high value (DHV) through social media are good if you're into that and are doing exciting stuff. I like to call or hit them up with a casual text once a week or so if we're not seeing eachother for a while and i dont hear anything. Sometimes girls get defensive if they dont hear from you first. As guys we often gotta do the heavy lifting in the beginning.
Flaky_Session 4y ago
So I typically leave texting for setting up dates and only really hit up conversations if she texts first. But I can understand why I it might be a good idea to hit her up at some point.
Do you have any recommendations for what sort of things I should be saying in these casual texts and when I should do it (we last talked around half-a-week ago)?
coolsocks00 1 4y ago
Good. I never really have long conversations, only a short exchange of a few texts. If she keeps texting i either wont answer or tell her/imply im busy which i normally am.
IMO it should be something fun and flirty or sexy depending on where you are at with them. It doesnt have to be sexual really, and too much of that too soon is obviously bad. Keep it light, dont ask questions, just some thought related to her or some callback humor, maybe something you experienced that she would enjoy hearing about. It's a prompt for her that says its fine for her to text you, but it's also something that stands on its own in case she doesnt.
Example: I havent seen one of my plates for 3 weeks, no contact (i think that's healthy sometimes). I hit her up a few days ago saying something to the effect of hoping she got some new sexy underwear for christmas, but that it might be an unrealistic thing to expect from moms and pops. She replied that she might buy some using her gift cards, and I told her to get a collar too. I dont really care if she did or didnt, it was just some fun banter, and i will see her tonight.
Harder to say. You really need to calibrate a bit to the girl, and its something that comes with experience. IMO girls want 1 of 2 things at certain times; either excitement/fun, or comfort.
If you're witty you can combine it, but the point is that sometimes she needs to be reassured that you still like her (not texting at all can set her off) and that nothing is weird between you (texting something spergy will set her off). Other times, if you havent had sex especially, she just needs to get excited for you. The best tool for that is actually absence/silence, as it's really hard to build something over text if she's not already very into you.