I'm coming to AskTRP because I'm all out of ideas now.
About 5 years ago I suffered a huge relationship crash and burn. Oneitis destroyed me, the usual story. It led to me discovering TRP and as part of that, I decided to take control of my life. I started lifting, BJJ, I got disciplined and consistent, and managed to land a job contract which paid a six figure salary. Slowly I began to like myself, my friendship circles changed to people who were now on the same level as me (I believe that the people we are surrounded by in life are a reflection of our own inner world, and as this evolves so do the people around us). I started spinning a couple of plates, and began to get attention from solid 8-9 girls. Life was good.
However, I didn't enjoy my field of work at all (accountancy / finance). Although I was very good at it and earned a good amount of money, I hated it. Every day was a real grind, and I spent most of my time staring at a computer screen wondering what the point of it all was. One evening I took mushrooms and connected really deeply with how miserable and frustrated I was with it, and how pointless the whole thing felt to me heart.
I decided to change career and pursue something I'd been training in for a while which was a passion of mine. I don't want to state what it was in order not to be personally identifiable, but it was a field of work almost like coaching, supporting other people to be the best versions of themselves and going through a journey similar to the one I was on. I took a big pay cut, and run up some debt to train to do this.
At a certain point though, something changed and I lost interest. During this time I was also subject to a story being published about me in the national press. It was a story where they implied that I was responsible for something that I wasn't responsible for. Because of the language that was used (as it was only a loose implication, rather than a direct accusation), I was unable to get the story removed from the internet. I sought legal advice and was informed it would cost around £300,000 to pursue a legal case against the newspaper, making it impossibe for me.
I'm now at a position where I'm struggling a lot to go back to my old career, as the article is understandably putting off employers. Internally, I'm miserable. I'm continuing to work, but my heart isn't in it, and I feel like a complete fraud, as all the discipline and success I'd originally built has disappeared. I'm spending a lot of time feeling sucidal, not knowing where to start or what to put my efforts into. My family understandably look down on me, and I'm feeling like a waste of space. I've maintained my discipline in the gym, but other than that I feel like I'm floating through life without any direction.
I feel like all the hard work I invested before was a waste, and I'm completely struggling to find any motivation to get out of my pit and start again. The first time I went through a transformation I was fueled by anger, but this time I don't even have that - just hopelessness and complete apathy.
If anyone has any suggestion on where to start I'd be massively grateful.
mattyanon Admin 4y ago
Can you change your name? Or use a nickname to throw their search terms off?
You only need a first job with a somewhat fake CV...... after that you can use them as references and gradually merge back to a truthful CV with your next employer.
You just have to do it.
empatheticapathetic 4y ago
Change your name bro. Or say you’re religious and you don’t use your birth name etc
whytehorse2021 4y ago
Go where you're treated best. I've changed countries several times. You can do accounting online and you won't have to work as much if you move to a cheap country. I've done all kinds of jobs: fast food, programming, teaching, farming, etc. Get your primary income(and yes it sucks but that's any job) and get a side hustle going.