I'm 30M, pretty successful, pretty good looking. I would say top 1%.
2 years ago I got cheated on by a girl with a lot of red flags but at that time I was uninformed about how men and women work. I was broke and bought into the idea of "with love you can make anything happen".
Despite the many red flags (high body count, jealousy, unresolved businesses with exes, danzel in distress sort of stuff), I tried to make it work believing the soul mate, relationships are hard work, everyone deserves second chances stuff.
After 3 years I kinda made it work. I hired a therapist for both of us. I was making good money, became a high status entrepreneur in my country, buying her expensive gifts and trying to make her happy. It's true that I also dedicated a lot of my time to my business and neglected her. Anyway, it ended up by her banging some low value dude in my bed because she felt unhappy, unwanted and alone.
It was devastating but I was strong. She was out of my house in 3 weeks. Blocked her on everything, didn't give her any closure or explanation and tried to punish her behavior as harsh as possible. She tried to contact me endless times through different phone numbers, though her dad, on my emails, I even got a super like from her on tinder. The attempts to contact me lasted for almost a year. In a way I felt good but it also felt like herrasment. I never responded back and she's still blocked to this day. I didn't check her social media or life through any means. No contact is the way to go.
After that event I started researching why the hell this thing happened to me as I couldn't believe it. Read about the Borderline Personality Disorder (which I suspect she was having). I also think a have some narcissistic traits myself. After all, what made ME get into a relationship with a troubled woman?
I'm working really hard on myself with my therapist which says I'm healthy, but I still think I have some narcissistic traits like low empathy, entitlement, superiority over others, getting bored by people that don't benefit me, judging others.
I also stumbled into rollo tomassi's book and then read a few more books from different ideologies so that I don't become a cultist and I see things from other perspectives as well.
I found the red pill stuff to be very valuable, just make sure to not overdose on it as you can become a bitter, irational idiot. It happened to me at one point. Neo took only one red pill.
Anyway, I followed the advice and started spinning plates. Got a lot of girls, some of them which I liked, some of them just to fck so I feel better about myself (at that time I was stil hurt by the cheating event).
I fcked 18y olds and also 34y olds. I was spoiled for choice to be honest. And at around the 8th girl, I found a really nice girl. She messaged me on tinder with the message "I like you". We met and fcked on the second date.
We sort of started to hang out more and more. Spinning the other plates lost my interest. Things were advancing pretty fast between us. I was still hurt by the cheating (only 5 months passed since the event) and she felt this. She asked me if I need more time to heal or date other women to be sure I want to be with her.
I said I don't. I lied. I kinda liked that lifestyle of having no responsibility for serious relationships and just having fun. But my goal was to find a good woman anyway (no red flags and quality traits). She seemed to be a good fit.
She is VERY empathic. She can identify my emotions better than I can do. No wonder she's a doctor.
She knew I was screwing around with other women while I was with her in the beginning and she said she understands that I probably did that for revenge on women cuz I got cheated on.
She was VERY understanding and she still is to this day.
1 year and 1 month have passed and we are still together. I broke rollo's rule and after about 6 months I asked her to move in with me. I have a luxurious apartment with a panoramic view of the city.
It still feels like she's staying at me rather than with me.
I pay all the bills, take decisions and spoil her really. Bought her furs, jewelry, handbags and nice gifts. We went to 4 amazing vacations already and I pretty much give her flowers almost every month. We also have amazing sex and she does everything to me even if she said "I never did that and I'm not like that".
She's a simple woman. She always says that she doesn't need all the nice things I buy her and she always offers to pay half and I refuse it. Her salary is not that much but she also buys me stuff and offers to pay where she can.
She doesn't post herself on social media compared to ex that was posting a sexy pic almost every day.
She also isn't wearing makeup all the time, only on special occasions. She's beautiful the way she is, blue eyes and slim body. She's 29 but she looks younger.
She has character, empathy, respect. She's organized, responsible, kind, sensible and caring. No red flags, or I'm missing them.
Now, there are some concerning things when thinking about marrying her up and here's where I need your input.
First, she was adopted with her twin sister when she was a baby and at school was bullied that she was adopted. She might be dealing with some fear of abandonment issues and lack of confidence. She told me about this after 5 months of relationship. It's clear it's a sensible matter to her.
Second, she lost a pregnancy with the guy before me. They were engaged, not married. Eventually, they broke up.
Third, this ex guy was a drug dealer with toxic parents and eventually he got caught doing his last job. It was a mess but eventually they found a good lawyer and cleared him up. I believe she found that he was a drug dealer later when she was already invested emotionally into the relationship (otherwise why stay with him?). I don't know him or the full story. I didn't dig up her past.
Forth, when we first dated she was reading a feminist book. Don't know exactly which one. But she argued with me why women earn less and why they aren't equal in the leading positions. Why men keep them from their succes. I told her that most of the women don't have the traits suited for leading and doing a man's job, the world has nothing against them. Then I added "Why aren't women in plumbing, garbage collection, IT and construction jobs? If you want equality" She understood.
Fifth, she was very focused on her career to become a good specialized doctor and neglected some feminine aspects like learning how to cook (she says I'm the first man she cooks for now), or wearing women accessories (when we first dated she didn't own any purses or handbags, or wear many feminine accessories. I bought for her a bunch). She also was a rookie at sex (that was not a bad thing cuz I realized she didn't do crazy sex with other guys, just with me). She focused on being independent which is not a bad thing to be honest, it's just not attractive for me. She now learned her role in the relationship, she cooks (even if it's rarely, I like it), she bangs me well and is more feminine in this area.
Sixth, her plans are to move back to her parents city after she finishes her studies so she opens up a medical office for her practice. Her parents already own the place for it. Also she said to move with her in the apartment she owns there. She said I could run my business from there as my business is online anyway. That city is smaller compared to where we live now. I said I don't want to move as I like this city better, she cried and and she said she will try to work in both cities so she stays with me. Also, her parents are kinda old and sick and they need care. She would probably expect me to do errands for them if we loved there as everytime we visit, I'm doing some errands.
I am telling you this cuz I want to make a decision about this girl. I'm thinking about marriage cuz I want kids but I don't want to get burned again so I better gather all the inputs I can.
Basically I want to be as certain as possible I'm making the right decision even if it's marriage or break up.
What's your experience with these kind of situations? Are there any areas I should pay attention more? What should I be aware of that I'm not right now? What to expect? What's the best step?
Thank you!
mattyanon Admin 4y ago
Marriage means paying the mother of your children to leave and break up the family.
If you divorce you are paying for her. She knows this. You are paying her to leave.
Think about that.
MrSupreme 4y ago
I honestly stopped reading after the first few paragraphs, sound like the red flags are on you,not on women. Stop rationalizing for them,sounds like you're defending/excusing them and their behaviour which clouds your whole vision and sense of judgement where it should be most important, stop thinking about marrying up,and honestly I would suggest you take a few months off women
drewan 4y ago
I would ask you what red flags you think I might have as a man, but if you didn't read the whole post it wouldn't be a valuable input for me. Thank you anyway!
[deleted] 4y ago
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drewan 4y ago
Sure. It's probably too early.
She's showing genuine desire and interest.
Also, a prenup would protect me a little bit. But it's probably too early to tell.
souldrone 4y ago
Yep, they are both good ideas.
pfeilmacher 4y ago
This ends in disaster.
You're seriously considering marrying a woman who is just hitting the wall? You're buying her love, bro. You're her sugar daddy, paying for her entire life.
I think it is YOU who has fear of abandonment issues, so you really should work on your inner self. You say you don't like her feminism, yet you're good with her putting her career first and you are praising her independence???
You don't even know how this woman will behave if something happens to you and you need HER support. You haven't TESTED her, so you have no clue how she'll react when you are at your worst.
Step back and look at what you're doing.
drewan 4y ago
You are right about hitting the wall part. Younger girls are lower quality in terms of character, but better looking and more suitable for having kids.
I might be her sugar daddy, but I want to be a powerful man with money that makes the rule in the house and has control over the money.
After getting cheated on, you bet I'm more worried and fearful of what could wrong.
I didn't say I'm putting her career first as I won't move to her city. I'll stay here working on my own businesses.
How can I truly TEST her without waiting for something bad happen?
Thanks for the input.
pfeilmacher 4y ago
Well, you're basically simping by paying for EVERYTHING.
The best way to test her would be to:
1) Make her get her own place to live. Tell her you need space blah blah blah
2) STOP paying all her expenses.
3) STOP taking her on vacations
4) STOP doing ridiculous things like buying her flowers just because she is.....she.
Now you can do all these things without being a dick. The hardest thing would be kicking her out of your space. The rest is fairly easy.
Also...VERY IMPORTANT POINT: you need to do more reading here if you think that making the money is what gives you power. If money is where your power comes from in a relationship, then she owns you already.
drewan 4y ago
I really appreciate your comment man.
Ok, so at the end of the month she DOESN'T have any money left from her salary because she pays anything that she can. Sometimes she pays the dinners or groceries or she buys me a nice gift. She pays 15-50% of the vacations because she wants to and I let her pay what she can afford.
Now, regarding your points. They are good, the first one should be a good test but I think she will respect my decision and find a place to live. It will be probably hard for her to pay the rent, buy food, groceries and all of that. Her salary won't probably be enough and she would end up finding a girl roommate to stay with. A few times I indirectly said that I can't work as productive as I used to since she moved in and she said "Ok, you want me to move out? It's ok, just say it."
The last part.... Yeah.. if I didn't have money, I would probably lose all my power. I mean... I don't know what would I do to be honest.. Ask for her support to make the money back.
pfeilmacher 4y ago
I think you get it.
Withdraw all the EXTREMELY GENEROUS benefits you're giving her and see how she treats you.
Seriously, do you even realize how much money you would be making if you aggressively invested the 10s of thousands of dollars you are spending on her and just did that for 10 years?
drewan 4y ago
Ok. Do you think it's a good idea to tell her that I want to invest those money rather than spending the money on expensive stuff? Like saying, this year we won't go on vacations. I won't buy x and y and z from now on, etc..
The thing is I have enough money to also invest and live a nice life. I can cut like 50% the monthly spendings if I would eat simple (healthy) food, don't travel as much, stop going out, buying expensive clothes etc.
pfeilmacher 4y ago
---"Do you think it's a good idea to tell her that I want to invest those money rather than spending the money on expensive stuff?"
NO. None of her business. It's not up for discussion. Don't give her a foot in the door.
"The thing is I have enough money to also invest and live a nice life. I can cut like 50% the monthly spendings if I would eat simple (healthy) food, don't travel as much, stop going out, buying expensive clothes etc."
So do I, as do many other men here. In fact, I don't even work anymore. But that doesn't mean I'm going to give my wealth to some woman who hasn't earned it.
Don't be a beta bucks simp. Ultimately, you want a woman to want you because you are the prize, not because you're handing out prizes. This is a way to figure out what she really wants from you.
illusivepigeon 4y ago
1 year is not long enough, fuck that. Have you talked about marriage at all? A girl can behave very well for some time if she can sense a reward coming.
drewan 4y ago
I didn't. So far we are just in a ltr. I mentioned a few times that I don't like merriage cuz it comes with a lot of risks for men.
320skew 4y ago
I wouldn't advocate for marriage. It was more likely to work before social media, the nuclear family went out the window and the degenerate hedonistic lifestyle that's always around the corner.
You have a lot to lose. There's very little in place to say that you weren't her main support. She can ding you for child support and then alimony fairly easy.
Your post reads more like you've caught oneitus and are spoiling her as a BB provider.
I also am weary about meeting her on tinder, her emotional baggage and career focus.
No one here can tell you how this plays out. You need to base your decision around what you know is best and not what you want to believe.
If it helps, read any positive action and behaviour as "right now".
She bangs you "right now."
She's on your team "right now."
She agreed to drop feminist bullshit "right now."
No man who goes through a divorce married thinking his wife would split or traumatize him. Yet here they are.
Also, I'm getting a vibe you're looking for the "stability" of monogamy. It's not there.
drewan 4y ago
Fck man. You are right. She definitely can be replaced, it's not the one. I just want a good one. Also, we are in eastern Europe. Here the culture is different than in the US.
320skew 4y ago
We all want a 'good one'. That's probably one of the hardest things that we need to come terms with. We all want to have someone that we can be vulnerable with. Someone that can care for us and nature us. Someone who demonstrates loyalty and understanding. Someone that's faithful, honest, submissive, beautiful and feminine.
To let ourselves be weak.
But what we want isn't what's real. Aside from your mother, you'll never feel that unconditional love and vulnerability again. Arguably, even your mother may not be a good example. The reality is that hypergamy is real. The reality is that the world we live in is VASTLY different than the status quo prior.
The same woman who cries on your chest and tells you that she loves you with all her heart, is the same woman who will sit across from you in court and lie about how you struck her to get a better custody agreement.
What's crazy is that in both those two extremes, she'll be a 100% true to her nature and her emotions.
I speak from experience because until I have witnessed it, I wouldn't have believed it. Seeing it from the perspective of other guys getting cheated on, having a wife leave, or going through a dispute is one thing, but when you're going through the motions yourself it's different.
You don't realize the level of betrayal you feel. You don't experience the sheer absurdity of society's double standards about being guilty and having to spend time and money to prove your innocence. To have your trust shattered and your reality broken by the person you loved so completely...it's a surreal experience.
Don't rush into marriage. If you MUST get married for any valid reason YOU choose then make sure that you cover all eventualities because it's one thing when you're walking into a warzone, but it's another when you're not wearing a vest.
drewan 4y ago
I'm so sorry to hear that man. I hope everything turn out ok for you.
Yes... I totally can relate getting cheated on by the person who was AGAISNT cheating the whole relationship, by the person that hated all the men who cheated that even when she saw someone on TV that cheated, she would comment something about it.
To be honest, I don't think all women are the same. I believe this is a flaw that redpill has. Everything is on a spectrum. We have on the left side the bitch that fucked 100+ men, cheater, drug user and crazy and on the right side we have the virgin that marries a simple guy and stays loyal all her life being a good mother and wife.
I mean reading Rollo's book and then thinking about some girls that I know (family young friends) they simply aren't like that. Even more, my mother, aunt, grandmother, etc.. they all had one man and stayed with him all their life.
Women have some similarities and some traits that you can find in the crazy bitch you can also find in the virgin. But you can't generalize. The hypergamy in the virgin is "I'll take a man that's good enough" and the hypergamy in the bitch is "this is the 15th guy but maybe I can find better" and she ends up with no guy.
The only reason I would get married is to make kids, other than that I don't see any utility for marriage.
320skew 4y ago
Worse shit happens everyday. It's made me who I am today and I'm not happy that I went through it but I'm grateful at what I learned from it. So don't sweat it.
I get that you've got some women in your life that you think are models for what women should be, and it may well be that's the case. But looking at women who grew up in past generations to what women are these days isn't going to land you in a good spot with expectations.
The virgin isn't looking a good enough man and the slut may not be looking at doing better. It may be that the virgin has self imposed restrictions while the slut has given into her impulses.
So, take this with a grain of salt.
If you were to take 100 girls/women at random from various ages of 16 to 50 from various faiths and cultures and give them complete autonomy to pursue whatever they'd want. The overwhelming majority of them will follow a linear path that's been outline in TRP. Not because they're evil or sexuality is wrong but because they've got a biological imperative to do so. You can look for outliers but you're gonna see a trend and you don't make a guide around outliers. Women enjoy sex and have desires. Women are emotional. Women are prone to follow things like: BB/AF, branch swinging, hypergamy, saying one thing and doing another, having a hamster, etc.
I don't care if she's religious or secular. If she's from the east or the west. Young or old. I'll tell you that deep down a woman is a woman. There may be layers of restrictions self imposed or placed on her based on those variables and you may find an exception but overall, she'll behave as TRP states she does.
At any rate, it sounds like you've got your mind set out on what you want to do.
Best of luck.
itsentirelypossible 4y ago
Prenup. She seems good based on the text. At least to me. I respect a lot of the traits you've listed. Intelligent, submissive, etc.
Marrying after a year is a bit too early in my opinion. I would wait at least two years. Why the rush? Marriage is pretty much only a status thing. Stop paying stuff for her. An INDEPENDENT woman doesn't need a man paying for her shit. So stop buying stuff for her. What's so bad about the city? What do you value the most? If this woman is genuine and loves you, would be a good mother, et cetera, don't let her go to waste. Keep screening her though, always doubt everything. Trust, but verify.
drewan 4y ago
Good advice. No time to rush. Yes, she has a lot of nice traits and she's also pretty. Maybe a 7-8 now. 8-9 if she's works out a little.
At the end of the month she DOESN'T have any money left from her salary because she pays anything that she can. Sometimes she pays the dinners or groceries or she buys me a nice gift. She pays 15-50% of the vacations because she wants to and I let her pay what she can afford.
What's bad about the city is that I would enter in her frame by moving there and I would lose my focus for my business.
I'll take my time. I'll keep you guys updated.
Have a great day!
whytehorse2021 4y ago
Are you going to have kids? How many? When? Where will you two live? Are you prepared to take on the health burden of your new in-laws? Is she going to give up her career to raise kids? Is she going to force you to live near her parents? These are the things you get hammered out before getting married.
Here are a few red flags:
You have oneitis. This will destroy your marriage and put you into her frame, she'll lose all attraction, and divorce you.
She is reading feminist propaganda so you'll have to go through the process of deprogramming her.
She is a careerist. You can't have a career and properly raise children as a woman.
She hasn't been trained on how to be a wife and mother based on her inability to cook so you'll have to do all the training of her.
drewan 4y ago
First, I really appreciate your comment!
I was thinking at least 2 kids. I want marriage, it doesn't matter if it's with her or any other good woman.
Im not prepared to take the burden of the new in-laws.
With a proper strategy she will probably put her career on pause and raise the kids. One thing that I HATE and I told her this too, is that she works A LOT for her career and when she comes home late, she's so tired and she indirectly expects me to wait her home with the food cooked. I tried one time to serve the food and it felt bad.
No, she won't force me to live near her parents but this is what she would want.
Hmm ONEITIS? I Don't feel like she is the one or some fairy tale. Yes, I'm attached emotionally to her but I'm not afraid to brake up. I can always find another girl.
She read one time. Other info she gets from social media which definitely puts women on pedestals. But she's not the time that spends a lot on social media. She's really responsible and calculated.
Yes. Here you are right. She is. That's probably the thing that I really don't like. I would want a girl that supports me, even work with me on my business rather than build her own separate business. She knows everything about her career and when I met her she didn't even know how to make scrambled eggs. I kinda was shocked. I told her that she lived in a cave before knowing me (she didn't even travel by plane). So she's a very simple woman. But not knowing how to cook is VERY VERY compansated by the fact that she keeps the house imaculate.
I mean I don't think we are trained to be wives or husbands.. You kinda learn it along the way. I wouldn't say I know how to be a husband. I will just take care of my family the best I can.
I would say she is in my frame. She does everything to make me happy. I also want her to be happy. She knows I can have other women easily as she found some pictures in my phone with my hot neighbor naked (from before we dated).
Thank you again for your comment.
whytehorse2021 4y ago
Your wife's burdens become your burdens. All of those points I brought up are things you need to discuss with her and be crystal clear about. Otherwise it will turn into arguments later on. My wife and I had this all sorted out before tying the knot. She goes where I go. She supports my business. She manages the household and raises the kids until they're old enough to play with dad and do smackdowns. Now that they're off to school she can retire from motherhood and bring in some income.
I suppose you have enough time to squeeze out 2 kids without medical intervention. You just need to work out the details. I mean really think about the long game. 18 years to raise one kid. When you're done with the first kid she'll be 47. That's about the age women get gray pubes and their hormones tank. If you two are fighting over where to live, who's the breadwinner, etc then that's going to be rocky.
Pedal_Moonpower 4y ago
Married man sex life + Rollo And both sidebars AskTRP, TRP. Visit MRP. Visit divorces na rddt
Read 3times
Reading 1 feminist book doesn't mean much yet. Combined with mentions about feminism sometimes, even rare + Netflix does create patterns.
BTW I read some parts twice as she sounded like someone I know. Age differs.
Coohabit don't marry, not only you sign contract but this contract can be altered by gov anytime in the future without your consent, and prenup will mean shit.
Check that coohabitation doesn't count for marriage.
drewan 4y ago
Good. I'll do it. Thanks man!