I always had a rough relationship with my mom. She kicked me out of the house when i was a teenager. We did not talk for 6 yrs and started to have a better relationship when i was 23 yrs old. We always got into fights but always found a way to solve it again. 6 months ago we got into a major fight again and we did not talk for 6 months. So I tried resolving the situation 2 days ago and drove to her home. I wanted to ask her calmly if she will invite me to Xmas but she straight away starting yelling at me saying what a bad person I am and that I should step out of her and my little sister life for good. She went on and on what a awful person I am. I just listened and said I respect your opinion and left. In the car I got a little emotional and wrote her a message. That I respect her decision and that I regardless Love her and if she ever changes her mind she knows where to find me. Anything else I could have done? And would you guys even be open to resolving the relationship or should I just call it quits for good.
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whytehorse2021 2y ago
Time to break up with your narcissist mom.
thiagogo 2y ago
Your feedback helps me a lot. A very meaningful event. I hope everything goes well https://spanishdictionary.cc
mattyanon Admin 2y ago
Urgh right
Sadly mothers are just as selfish and self centred as women in general, because they ARE women.
She probably sees you as a threat to her and/or your sister because the more successful you are as a man, the more you threaten her femme-centric worldview. Women hate that.
When people complain about you being an awful person without talking calmly about specifics, it means they don't have specifics and often it's their fault. But you probably know this already.
Yeah
Your woldview, masculinity, perceived tribes you belong to, etc etc are a threat to her security. Especially if she's constructed a false view of the world in order to secure resources or other needs and somehow you threaten this. This is very common with mothers (who manufacture needs and construct strange worldviews in order to secure resources). Threaten these constructs and you become the enemy. Try to work out what about her worldview or situation you threaten and you might be able to work it out.
For example, in the case of my mother she thoroughly believes in both feminism and men supporting her because she's "not able to do that, as a woman". Equally she takes on many (very easy) female roles and insists that these are "the most important things". Question her on any of these and she gets quite irrationally upset. She also has a weird need to be appreciated if she ever bothers to cook something, while thoroughly unappreciative of for example 40 years of a man working to provide for her.
Don't call it quits....... storming out / rage quitting is for losers.
Equally "the ball is in your court" is terrible for women because they hate doing things or being responsible or taking action or reaching out.
Give it a while, try again.
You definitely should maximise your financial, physical, and especially emotional distance. Learn to walk away before you get angry. Never be in a position where you can't walk away if provoked. If that means not spending the night there, then that's what it means.
Families have this weird dynamic where they believe they can do and say whatever they like and it will all be fine and "they'll come back". Parents have this control and get into the habit of this from your birth, and it fucking sucks because they treat you worse than anyone else would.
In short: give it some time, don't leave the ball in her court, spend less time with her, don't drop round unannounced or at short notice, start very easily with a short text and then work up to a short phone call and then a short visit. And then leave it at that. Keep your distance in all ways.
Good luck.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2y ago
You seem like a decent son based on your post. Like mattyanon said, moms are still women, AWALT still applies.
Let me ask you, if a girl or woman who wasn't your mom treated you like that would you have already nexted her by now?
She sounds extraordinarily self-absorbed, petty, and vengeful. I've had friends with moms like that, didn't matter how much of an angel their kids could be, the moms were still cold and hurtful.
Do you have any other pressing reason for trying to make this bond work out other than just wanting the peace of mind that you get along with the person who brought you into to this world?
If the answer is no, I'd forget about her.
I know my tone is casually glossing over how much this probably hurts inside, but I'm looking at this as an outside oberserver with no personal investment in her whatsoever. She sounds abusively toxic and I think your mental health would improve by leaving this behind, hard as it may be