Greetings,
information on the topic that interests me is rather scarce and I was wondering if anyone else had similar observations as I do.
Situation: in a LTR for 3,5 years. The girl is hot, fit, loyal, has still some time to go until she hits the Wall (24), the sex is great, she's not a drain on the wallet and she actually has things she does in her life. I did my best to use the knowledge found on TRP to not f**k it up, especially i'm sticking to the Iron rules of Tomassi. She's been on the pill for 2 years now. I also use condoms all the time (IRoT #5).
BUT
I'm starting to observe a shift in her personality. Back in the day when we hooked up and for the first year, she was a kind of a metalhead girl that was attracted to adventure and averted to marriage and having kids. Her stories were all about dangerous situations and unconventional people. She liked to roam in abandoned buildings. She wanted to make a motorycle license. We used to attend weird political events, both right-wing and left-wing (political science being our common hobby). She was really into metal concerts and music festivals (check out Poland's Woodstock/Pol'And'Rock festival). Basically, she was always happy to spend time in some active way. That was what made her attractive in my eyes.
Right now, it becomes difficult to even take her on a walk. We used to ride a motorcycle together and still sometimes ride (her as a passenger), she liked it, but nowadays she's less and less enthusiastic about it and starts to give signals about being "scared", despite not giving sh*t about safety at first (it was me who was forcing protective gear on her). When I say I want to go on some trip or to a festival her first thoughts are about sanitary conditions and if she will have the possibility to properly wash her hair. Urban exploration is becoming "irresponsible". Her dream job is now working at a desk in a public sector. She started to attend some catholic meditation group, began volunteering by helping elderly people, her political views became more defined in place of previous open-mindness and ambiguity, and in her stories she began to mention small kids that are "funny". A few months ago she mentioned that she would like to have at least 2 kids. Her clothing became more timid. Her prime idea for spending time together is staying home, cuddling, sex and playing World of Warcraft.
People change, and if it's genuine then there's no point in trying to stop it. At this rate I'll just dump her at some point, but could it be the pills? On old Reddit forums I found like 2 articles that suggested that taking pills basically tricks the female organism into thinking it's pregnant (prolactin at the work), and thats's what shifts their attitude towards caution, stability and safety. On the other hand, there are articles that supposedly disprove this claim, and others that say that the biggest change is usually reduction of sex drive, which in case of my LTR is a bit lower than before, but still high.
Has anyone here observed anything similar? Is it a young woman changing as she grows up or can it be the pills messing with her head? I could just ask her to stop taking them and check, but having some more knowledge before I start experimenting on people would be cool.
TL;DR: Can hormonal contraception cause a big shift in female personality, from adventurous, active and open-minded to stay-at-home, cautious and conservative?
PSYCHOKILLA 3y ago
It affects their ovulation so they don't want alphas like me
[deleted] 3y ago
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Articuno 3y ago
Check out these:
Just like alcohol and Xanax! But from progesterone! This is part of the whole mom-jeans part of the cycle, with women’s bodies doing things to prepare for the possibility of egg implantation. It’s believed that allopregnanolone is synthesized to slow women’s brains down such that they’re more inclined to relax at home than do the kinds of activities that could knock a newly implanting embryo out of place.
The results of her research found that single women at high fertility skewed slightly more liberal than single women at low fertility. Partnered women at high fertility, on the other hand, skewed slightly more conservative than partnered women at low fertility.
You are a different person on the birth control pill than you are when you’re off the pill. And there’s no bigger deal than this.
Before I went on the pill, I was someone who craved experiences. I was really into music and food and traveling. I also loved exercising and spent a fair amount of time focusing on my appearance. Not in a super girly-girl kind of way (I clarify only because anyone who knows me would say, “Wait . . .”), but I loved shopping and doing creative things with my hair and makeup. I also (without entering TMIville) was quick to notice attractive men, and my interest in sex was . . . not lacking. After spending some time on the pill, many of these things began to vanish from the radar screen. But there was no sledgehammer. I didn’t wake up one day and suddenly not want to do anything that I’d wanted to do before. I probably would have noticed that. Instead, what happened was that over time, a lot of these things just fell by the wayside. I stopped exercising and shopping. I developed a casual indifference to men and sex. And unless I was in the car, I favored silence to music.
Holy sh*t.
Articuno 3y ago
Wow, thanks for the book. Just starterd reading, and:
"A couple of months after going off the pill, I realized that I felt . . . different. I didn’t notice it while it was happening, but one day I realized that my life had recently felt brighter and more interesting. Like I had walked out of a two-dimensional, black-and-white movie into a full-color, three-dimensional, meaning-filled reality. I started exercising again and cooking—things that I used to take a lot of pleasure in but had kind of forgotten about. I had more energy. I noticed attractive men. I cared about how I looked in a way that I hadn’t in a long time. I just felt . . . alive."
Hanscheezburger 3y ago
Mood swings and depression are known side effects of those pills. My ex got off them because of that
Articuno 3y ago
I wouldn't call it mood swings or depression, her mood is more or less stable and rather good. It's more like she became less lively.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 3y ago
Yes, the pill hormonally simulates pregnancy. When women are pregnant, they don't release new eggs into the fallopian tubes if I recall. This is how the pill works. Progesterone and estrogen are the chemical hormone that cause this, and they are both in the pill
Because the pill gives essentially pregnancy hormones, her sexual attraction and some of her survival instincts shifts to beta bucks type qualities in a relationship.
Hormonally speaking, she's practically pregnant, for all intents and purposes. That's why she's really into sanitation, playing it safe, cuddling, and being lazy (non-adventurous).
Articuno 3y ago
I'm in the middle of the book recommended by @sundae411 and it does confirm it.
Actually, I'm really shocked by how everything aligns perfectly with my observations.
This is so mindboggling. I need to get her off this sh*t. I hope my real gf is still somewhere there.
Reading this book is making me nervous and angry, but in an eye-opening way. Similar to when I discovered TRP.
Holy f*ck.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 3y ago
You might want to try convincing her to get on a different birth control that doesn't do this, as opposed to getting her off it. Would be a lot easier than just quitting it
If she does switch or get off, expect a lot of bitchy and annoying behavior for the short term because her hormones will be all different again. And hold frame because she'll be in a weird phase during that time.
Unsolicited rant below:
The pill ruined a lot of society's dating standards. When the pill came out, it allowed women to finally chase Chads without consequences, before that they had to choose their mates carefully in case they became pregnant.
The pill forever changed the dating landscape by enabling women to seek only the top alphas they can find and left millions of men without partners who otherwise would have been beta enough to be secure for women
The pill is a travesty on civilization. Hopefully vaselgel becomes widely available one day so that men can be the ones who are on symptomless birth control and not have to deal with what the pill does to women
Thank you for reading my rant
Articuno 3y ago
Rant read, kind sir.
Well, she seems to be perfectly happy with me as her ltr. I haven't noticed any symptoms that could lead me to thinking she might be looking for better opportunities. Either I'm her unicorn or she became too lazy to jump back on the carousel. It's me who's starting to get dissatisfied.
Actually, "lazy" isn't the best word. She does stuff. She's working on her master's degree, volunteering, attending this weird meditation stuff and keeping herself fit. The change is rather the drift from unconventionality to blandness. From openness to new experiences to playing it safe and cozy. From urbex to making cookies. From Percieving to Judging, if one is familiar with the MBTI stuff.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 3y ago
"Well, she seems to be perfectly happy with me as her ltr"
That very well could be, but bottom line is that you're not content with it, it's one-sided.
"Either I'm her unicorn or she became too lazy to jump back on the carousel."
Never assume either, it's a fatal mistake guys make. You could be her top option now, but don't fall into this illusion, women are always hypergamous
Yeah all those changes she made are probably a combination of the pill and reinforcing her beliefs after the changes from the pill. She is probably straight-up convinced she loves this lifestyle now and it's now a part of her identity.
Because hormonally she does, it's probably not who she inately would be otherwise
Women were never biologically built to be "pregnant" for years on end. This is an artificially prolonged manipulation of body chemistry
Articuno 3y ago
Noted. Thank you.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 3y ago
No problem
mattyanon Admin 3y ago
Wow, that's a big change. Hard to work out what's hormones, what's relationship boredom, what's age, and so on. Plus there might be other medical or life explanations. People do grow up and get old and boring - some faster than others.
24 is too young to give up on life!
Could be.
Pills simulate pregnancy, and you'd expect a pregnant women to be more careful.
From my one very solid datapoint: no, didn't notice a change in that direction.
That's the only way you'll be sure.
Articuno 3y ago
I'm gonna finish the book recommended by @sundae411 (guess I'm not sleeping tonight), and I'll talk her into giving up on pills, even if only temporarily.
I just proposed to go to a metal concert tomorrow, along with some buddies and their gfs. She agreed, but not without a commentary about "not fitting there anymore". On the other hand, my buddy's gf, older than her, who even isn't into metal, is super enthusiastic about the idea.
All these contrasts are coming to me now.
Mindblowing.