** Long post
I have been in a ltr for about 10 months now. Typical good girl, always follows my lead and the sex is great. Buys me gifts and plans for dates which she pays for. I have maintained my frame for most of the relationship. What I’m wondering is if I am doing too much dread and misusing the soft next. She knows that I’m out clubbing every other day and get lots of girls around me. She’s even threatened to confront girls on different occasions for checking me out even when I hadn’t noticed. Every time she does something I don’t like I just go cold on her for a few days without answering calls or texts. Sometimes I’ll go cold on her out of nowhere and for no particular reason and she’ll be crying for days trying to figure what she’s done wrong. A few days ago she told me one of her friends/classmates had a birthday and had invited her and a few other girls for lunch. She was undecided on whether to attend because said friend is a party slut. I expressed that I didn’t like this particular friend (from all that I heard) and I don’t like the fact that they’re friends. She said she understood that but I didn’t tell her to end the friendship. I was however following through my own means to see if she would go for the lunch. During this period I also went cold on her and didn’t return any communication from her for 3 days. I confirmed that she didn’t attend but I still didn’t end the soft next. A few hours ago she blows my phone and I decline every call. Next thing she texts “I hope you’re alright. This doesn’t really feel healthy for me and I’m taking myself off it. I’m done.” Left her on delivered and stayed online chatting other girls. She saw that I was online and ignoring her and blocked me. I know this is probably a shit test I just have to handle right. What I want to know is whether I’m using the soft next too much and how I should handle things going forward. Also, should I contact her or wait till she does? Before you tell me to go out and game/fuck other girls, I already do that on a regular. I think I have something good here and I would like to keep it.
Ps: English is not my first language so forgive me for grammar and punctuation
Tooktheredpill 3y ago
Yeah man, you’re going overboard with the nexting. You only next when it’s warranted. You only punish a puppy when it does something bad and reward it when it does something good…if that makes sense.
Best of luck!
Vermillion-Rx Admin 3y ago
"I know this is probably a shit test I just have to handle right"
I don't know why so many of you guys are employing the same level of nexting and dread that you'd give a random plate/fuckbuddy that you only have around for sex.
All of that shit ramps up attraction and destroys comfort. LTRs have a massive amount of comfort you have to balance with attraction, hence why you are committed for the time being.
When you're just trying to fuck, nexting for a week works because she knows the dick might be gone. When you're trying to bond, nexting for a week calls into question the high level of commitment and mutual bond you've created.
From an evolutionary perspective, it telegraphs that the guy will not be around to rear the child, leaving her screwed and vulnerable. Even if you don't have kids, it is evolutionarily telling her that on an instinctive level
You guys need to stop going level 9 dread for level 2 dread offenses. The dread ladder has got to be one of the most improperly used concepts in TRP and I keep seeing guys resort to the top tier dread levels meant for 2nd year of dead bedroom marriage shit
w4iks 3y ago
Thanks. I got this situation back in control and figured I’m employing too much dread. She actually said I’m perfect except for how I react every time I think she’s in the wrong. Thing is, I’m actually pretty extreme with both dread and comfort. Sometimes I’ll realize I’ve given her too much comfort and throw in some dread to even it out. I’m still trying to find the perfect spot without ruining things.
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w4iks 3y ago
Sorry if I’ve not been clear. Maybe I’ve been a little petty with the soft nexts. The last one was because she didn’t pick my call and didn’t call back in 3 hours. So I soft nexted for a week. Sometimes I’ll just think AWALT and do a soft next for no particular reason. Maybe I’m not ready for a ltr, but I know this one is good.
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w4iks 3y ago
I think there’s a part of me that’s still in the anger phase and it pops up every now and then. I remember women’s nature and treat every woman in my life like shit. I’m still trying to deal with this. On this particular one it looks like she’s in my frame already. She actually said she wouldn’t go to events I wouldn’t approve of and all I have to do is tell her. I’ll employ comfort for some time to get things back on track