My LTR is great for the most part and does what I ask of her and goes out of her way to write morning messages and checks up on me throughout the day and all that other good stuff.
But I think our relationship has gotten to a point perhaps out of my own doing and possible neediness/loss of frame that she has gotten a little too comfortable and will sometimes raise her voice at me and express frustration for seemingly small things. And also she’ll do or say something and when I bring it up she’ll deny that happened or that she meant to say something else.
In the beginning and for the majority of our relationship I’ve maintained solid frame, established boundaries, and did not act needy and I’ve rarely needed to call her out for things and it was comfort test galore.
But these days, I’m not sure if I have ocd kicking in and what not but I catch myself calling her out on a lot of things big or small. And I catch myself over analyzing everything. Sometimes I notice these things can be trivial and beta as hell such as me calling her out for not replying fast enough or forgetting to text in the morning, or why she wasn’t replying while she’s on her phone and Basically me reminding her or asking her to do things that she normally does. And when she doesn’t do things that she normally does I consider it hot and cold behaviour and I call her out for having mood swings or being bipolar.
I’m not sure why I’ve started behaving this way recently. I lift, meditate, graduated from uni and started my own small business. But It’s gotten to a point where I’ve made her and her behaviour my focus. So far it seems like she’s tolerating my behaviour because of my perceived smv and what not but I would like advice on how to fix it and how to get this out of frame of thinking and mindset.
I remember someone talking about neediness triggers and how sometimes when you’re used to things happening and the other person doesn’t do it or forgets to do it you’ll start acting in needy ways to get that thing. And I’m not sure if that’s the case here in terms of my overthinking.
whytehorse2021 4y ago
Sounds like you put her first. Basically you entered her frame. I was able to solve it by sticking my finger up her ass and pulling her hair during sex. It sounds weird but it flips the script. Let's call it passionate sex or whatever. Next thing you know she's humming and happily falling into her feminine role.
Intrepid_Place53900 1 4y ago
you are a funny bastard
whytehorse2021 4y ago
It's true! Just be sure to trim your nails so you don't get poop stuck under them. It smells awful when you pick your nose.
bjjneck 4y ago
You really want to change? Really? Break up with her. You have probably already thought about it. It sounds really tough and uncomfortable doesn't it. It will be. You're trying to fix a hole in the boat with a band-aid.
"It is always time and effort better spent developing new, fresh, prospective women than it will ever be in attempting to reconstruct a failed relationship. Never root through the trash once the garbage has been dragged to the curb. You get messy, your neighbors see you do it, and what you thought was worth digging for is never as valuable as you thought it was." -Rollo Tomassi, Iron rule #7
Intrepid_Place53900 1 4y ago
LTR are a challenge, it never ends. Go read marriedredpill for info on that.
when you are with each other for years and live together. It's hard to never brake frame,etc. You have to do your best to be the captain, lead by example , and foremost, improve yourself. You need to keep improving, need to focus on yourself,etc.
Don't fall into beta routine, keep things spicy in the bedroom and keep some excitement in the relationship, women like excitement, that includes doing things, etc. It's a form of drama ,etc.
In the end, She's only an accessory to your life. Remember that
coolsocks00 1 4y ago
I lift, meditate, graduated from uni and started my own small business. But It’s gotten to a point where I’ve made her and her behaviour my focus. Have you set new goals? Graduating, having successfully(?) started a business, already on a workout program; sounds like you've recently met some of your goals, and maybe it's time to set new ones. Other than that, it's hard to say why you're suddenly worrying about such stupid, little things like her routinely messaging you in the morning. Who cares about that.
Have you read the sidebar? Would also suggest reading up on Dread Game. And not really because it sounds like she is acting up, but because you are. Check out the first stages of Dread, and see what kinds of things should be on your mind. Dont make your life about her, make it about yourself. For the moment, she is along for the ride. Be a man of value and abundance. That entails having options besides her, should it come to it.
itsentirelypossible 4y ago
Reminder. YOU are the prize, not her. I'm having mixed emotions at the moment, because I'm seeing a girl, but this is what I remind myself on the daily. I am the prize, not the girl. She has to give me a reason to be in my life, she has to give me a reason to be inside my frame.