So.. 24 M, 3rd world country, studying CS, third grade, already lifting, trying to eat clean, trying to read non-fiction everyday, trying to buy some good clothes and smell good, shave etc, trying to speak to everyone but not really approaching or escalating tho.
I had a girlfriend, this one girl... no wait, even though I'm her first boyfriend and she's conservative, strong father figure, someone to marry and have kids, blabla, hamsterhamster, no, it's not really oneitis.
Why? Because after 7-8 dates, no fucking but pretty much she's into me, she was happy around me, like literally waiting me next to phone to call her, kissing touching but not further, then I'm already sick of her because like pretty much all other girls, she's empty, time consuming, but you know, it felt good because it touches my instincts to have someone to take care of, love and be loved(kind of..), and then it's like I'm over-investing on this girl, we're exclusive but I don't know if we're end up marrying or what, going to another city /YES... LDR/ spending a lot of time and money.
So I broke up with her due to LDR.
And then school started, i know CS is wonderful major, a lot of options, money, I am also capable of thinking abstract and good at programming, not really on front end side but backend side and enjoying algorithms and data-structures, but campus, city, classes, teachers, fucking low profile nerds and every millisecond in there is like torturing me when I try to keep my college going.
And then I'm kind of depressed, want to drop out, if it were me back in 2 years ago, wouldve already dropped out, which I did two times and enrolled another university that's why I'm 24 and still studying... but I'm aware these feelings is temporary and if I keep going, it'll be alright, I think this is what it is, or I am getting haunted by my subconscious to use my potential and just gtfo some another degree which is more sociable you can collaborate with people, organize events etc.
Because you know, i'm in my twenties, and got no some good social circle to hang out with, have some fun, do stuff etc.. etc..
On the other hand, I told you about my girlfriend, here is the tricky part, it hurts me when I think about her, I analyzed why she hurt me, and found out that it's not hurting me that we broke up or she'll be another ones, I can dream she getting gangbanged or riding a char every day and I dont give a single, tiny bit fuck but what hurts me is she studying history, which is fun actually, she got a lot of friends, hanging out, playing games with them, having fun in that city with her people, and this... THIS HURTS ME.
I don't have any social circle, well got a couple of friends but they are loser, yes they are, so... I don't know, i got no one to bitch about, i got you guys, just comment please.