I started university a month ago and the first 3 weeks were pretty nice...was able to meet a lot of new people and made what I think are "friends". I was going out many times a week (3 days in a row) and was getting invites quite often.
However, it's cooled off a bit and as the groups are cementing themselves, I am starting to feel left out. I managed to break out of my prison of shyness and lost 35 pounds (january to august, 220 to 185 ish) and can start a conversation with almost everyone. There are a lot of people I see at school and sit down with, have a chit-chat and make them laugh often but I have often seen myself left out when it's time to make plans and go out.
A bit more details about me: I go university that is in the downtown area of my city, I live with my family in a nice house that is 30 minutes-ish away from school. I consider myself good-looking and as I mentioned, I can hit it off with almost anyone with my humor and wittiness. Maybe it's the fact that I make so many jokes that people don't invite me, I really don't know.
It's a bummer to make all these efforts to be outgoing (proud of myself tho) but being unable to go out with people I'd call friends. It's getting annoying always being the first one to ask "where y'all going friday/this weekend?"
anyone here been in a similar situation?
BootySpillingOut 4y ago
You're trying too hard and it makes people think you're low status (which you probably are). Those people aren't your friends either. Friends do shit with you, people you say hello to in the hall are just coworkers in life.
I was there too. Start lifting and dressing well. If you're jacked that's almost instant popularity. In the meantime, if they don't want to hang out with you, fuck it and fuck them, go do shit by yourself. Go hiking by yourself, go bike riding, go to a music show at a bar and meet people there, go shopping for clothes (helps with the fashion stuff), go to a museum, go to a botanical gardens, etc. Having friends is out of your control in a lot of ways, enjoying life and having a good time is not.
Then if you find someone you actually vibe with, you can start taking them with you. "I went to this great music show at bar such and such last week, I think you'd love it. I'm going tonight if you wanna come."
Idea is in order to care less about other people being your friend, you have to be alright if no one is your friend. People have to demonstrate why their company is better than the viable alternative of just you doing shit alone.
dovictory 4y ago
Thanks for the elaborate reply. I wouldn't say I'm jacked, but I have a nice height and my shoulder width had some people thinking I'm really jacked when I'm not that buff.
What's crazy is that I'm way more confident in my ability to get girls than to get friends. Someone here suggested that I actually start fucking those girls and get a reputation on campus. What do you think?
BootySpillingOut 4y ago
So make the girls your friends, why not? Fuck them and then go hiking with them, go to a music show, etc.
whytehorse2021 4y ago
Think in terms of tribes. Going out with friends isn't a tribe. It's a fem-centric activity. It only serves the female imperative. Join a sport, club, hobby, etc. Those are the modern day version of tribes.
21543546ea 4y ago
Yeah bro same boat honestly. Learned to realize some friends don't actually respect me and I've started branching out. If you are actually not afraid to walk up to people like you say it'll be very easy to meet new friends, ones that you hopefully share interests with. My new friend group respects me a lot more and we all love playing ball.
RPEsq 4y ago
Have you tried inserting/asserting yourself? For example are you asking what these people are up to on a Friday/sat night? Are you forging bonds?
If you are doing these things and not getting invite it’s time for new friends. If you haven’t, it’s time for you to make an effort.
dovictory 4y ago
I am indeed asking what they are up to friday/saturday. What's annoying is that a few weeks ago people would reach out to invite me and now I gotta ask. Also, when I do ask, people tend to say "Oh yeah there's something but the tickets are sold out", straight up not trying to make a spot for me, which I think is disrespectful af.
I guess I'm somewhat fun to be around, I make good jokes but I maybe I should lay off the jokes for a bit and start forging bonds? I don't really know I'm just guessing here
jriver11 4y ago
Yup I feel you. That's tough all around. Just stop asking. It makes you look desperate. Do what you can to create the impression that you have an active social life. Start fucking someone on campus. Doesn't really matter who. As soon as people see that you're not a complete loner they'll want to be around you. Then you can manipulate their interest. Just know that it's not gonna change. People who are like this will keep being like this throughout life.