No man is an island. We all need at least 1 person that can get us out of a tought spot. Luckily for me, I have several childhood friends that look out for me and have more stable home lives than me. But I think this forum could perhaps give me some tips since I have royally fucked up and could use all the advice I can get.
I’ll just lay it out.
My mom is a BD2 nut case who severly traumatized me and my little sister growing up. Constantly belittling us, breaking shit for no reason, pouring cereal on me if I made her mad, etc. Unreasonable and unnaceptable shit. Dad is a BP loser who enables her and continues to do so.
Things are “ok” now, except for one thing - my mom is a hoarder. I just recently emptied my room of her shit and my sister’s room is almost cleansed of this insanity.
All of this bullshit- from the neglect/verbal abuse/hoarding gave me crippling anxiety when I was in school. I got rid of most of my anxiety (for example - super sweaty hands if I ever got anxious - now it is no where near as severe). I was dogshit in school since I was a depressed retard who spent most of his time playing video games and my parents never sought to correct me. It was only through TRP that I realized there is more to life than meaningless video games and being a fag. I was constantly told I have such high potential, blah blah blah. Typical retarded counselors and teachers told me I just needed to mature - whatever.
Anyways, fast forward to right now. I have accumulated debt from 2 seperate colleges because I withdrew past deadlines and didn’t know what the fuck would happen. Perks of being a fucking idiot being led by retards. I owe maybe 4-5k. I can appeal to one of the colleges, where most of the debt is, but I don’t even know how to explain my situation. I’m living at home, I mentally check out as soon as I walk into the living room because it is a nasty ass place to be. My room is the only place I can be where I can relax. This house is a shit show and my parents give zero fucks. At first it was shocking, but now it’s just routine to go downstairs seeing my mom and dad being total slobs while living in shit.
Ontop of all of this, my sister’s situation is somehow even worse than mine when I was her age. She has ADHD and my retard parents put her on anti depressants after their piss poor parenting resulted in her attempting suicide at 12- great. I got her into kickboxing at my mma gym & I made her join a bunch of clubs - anything to keep her the fuck out of the house. But she struggles, hard. Her anxiety is so bad I honestly don’t think I can help her fully overcome it. I’m trying to mentor her and to help her become a woman. However, what the fuck do I know? Im a 19 year old fucktard and I dont know shit about mentoring/ developing a young woman. my parents are total dog shit at anything resembling leadership or actual effort.
Funnily enough my ex who is definitely a BPD nutcase sealed the deal once I allowed her to move in with us last year. Her living here started the true spiral between my parents and I - to the point where they threatened to kick me out.
Look, you guys don’t know me- I don’t know y’all - but I don’t have people I can rely on to tell me what the fuck to do right now. This is all too much bullshit. My sister is struggling in highschool and my dad is too busy playing fortnite in the living room to make sure his daughter is even doing her homework. Both (parents) are obese and claim the want to change, that they haven’t been the best (loads of bullshit). It all just raises my hopes until they get shattered over and fucking over again. I am so numb to my family problems that I am unsure as to how I can even display emotion.
I want to live my life and be a productive person. I want to show that I am more than my problems, but it feels like an anchor tied to my fucking waist everywhere I go, as if everyone can see it on my face when they talk to me.
Some side notes I have a heart defect (Bicuspid aortic valve) - Military is a nogo.
I am a fucking moron, seriously I regret so many decisions from my youth. If anything were to happen to my retareded parents I would be beyond fucked. I need to become independent ASAP. I think an apprenticeship is my best bet.
Lastly- if this is the wrong place to post this - lmk and I’ll remove it asap. I just don’t know where else to go. No one can “help” me, mostly because I don’t need fucking help. I just need a plan - and a fucking good one at that.
Thanks in advance, I’m really on my last leg here, I don’t know where else to really seek advice.
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jriver11 4y ago
Might wanna hit up Child Protective Services man. Not before entering a trade and making a decent living tho. Making more money has to be your top priority and most trade jobs (HVAC, house framing, etc.) will pay you to go to school and even give you nice sign-on bonus in some cases. Once that's settled and you're living on your own then go to CPS and see if you can become her legal guardian. Google what it takes as far as living situation, income, etc and go get it done. Leveling up on that alone will help with your own mental/emotional issues.
whytehorse2021 4y ago
You're not the first person to have shitty parents. You're an adult now so you can leave. You can probably pay for college and stay in the dorms with loans and asking your parents for money. You can serve in the military with bicuspid aortic valve if no stenosis or insufficiency. If that's possible, you can go in as an officer in the air force and have a cushy job on the good bases. They will also pay off your student loans after 4 years of service.
It isn't your job to raise your sister and you're not in a position to do that anyway. She needs a therapist. There's also an organization called Big Sisters where she can get mentoring https://www.bbbs.org/ . Lead the way out of there and show her the path so she can leave when she's 18.