Hello people,
I have the problem that I can't stay completely calm while talking to women/cold approaching. I always have this slight inner restlessness. And I do not know exactly how I can overcome this. I have approached more than 400 women but I still feel this restlessness. It affects the whole conversation, sometimes I can't think of topics, I can't respond well to shittest, I'm too reactive, everything. Even when approaching, it often happens to me that I scare the women first...
I already had dates and sex with some but I often feel that was just luck. Because when the woman is relaxed, it relaxed me too. That is I am too dependent on the reaction of the woman. On the other hand, I already had this feeling. I played semi-professional soccer when I was younger. I was pretty good but I could never really play completely calm. Whenever I had to deliver, I had a little inner pressure that I could never completely release. I think that was the reason why I didn't make it to the higher leagues.
On the other hand, the women I have dated and also friends often say to me that I am a very calming person. Especially women I had sex with often snuggled up to me and said I have a very calming nature. And I'm also convinced of that, when I'm not under pressure, I'm extremely easy-going and relaxed. I never get stressed, I don't get stressed and I don't stress anyone. But when it comes to approaching women I am often still slightly nervous and this hinders my success with women. After I cold approached a girl and I think about the conversation again, I have so many smooths answers but during the conversation its like I am robot. One of my friends sometimes told, that I look like I have to approach her and not that I want.
I have thought about this problem a lot. On the one hand it is a deeper problem, because I think I would do something wrong. My mother separated from my father when I was young. My father was violent towards my mother and I had sworn from an early age never to want to be like my father. I think that's the reason why I often think that when I approach women or put "little" pressure on them, I feel like a "rapist".
As I mentioned at the beginning, I have now approached more than 400 women, even a lot of groups, but the problem is still there. There are phases when I am more relaxed but there are phases when nothing works.
I just want to be calm in person, in life in general, I don't want anything to upset me. Not only with women, with everything in my life.
Do you have any advice on that topic, how to stay emotional calm?
whytehorse2021 2y ago
This is a game you're playing called "Kick me". You metaphorically put a sign on your back that says "Please don't kick me" and then when the inevitable temptation causes someone to kick you, you ask "Why does this always happen to me?". You're basically saying "Whenever I'm under stress, I get all shook up".
You're partially correct that this has to do with your inner child. The adult thing to do is to take the sign off your back. If you want to be calm, be calm.
Nadox12 2y ago
I know you are right but its easier said than done