Hello people,

I have the problem that I can't stay completely calm while talking to women/cold approaching. I always have this slight inner restlessness. And I do not know exactly how I can overcome this. I have approached more than 400 women but I still feel this restlessness. It affects the whole conversation, sometimes I can't think of topics, I can't respond well to shittest, I'm too reactive, everything. Even when approaching, it often happens to me that I scare the women first...

I already had dates and sex with some but I often feel that was just luck. Because when the woman is relaxed, it relaxed me too. That is I am too dependent on the reaction of the woman. On the other hand, I already had this feeling. I played semi-professional soccer when I was younger. I was pretty good but I could never really play completely calm. Whenever I had to deliver, I had a little inner pressure that I could never completely release. I think that was the reason why I didn't make it to the higher leagues.

On the other hand, the women I have dated and also friends often say to me that I am a very calming person. Especially women I had sex with often snuggled up to me and said I have a very calming nature. And I'm also convinced of that, when I'm not under pressure, I'm extremely easy-going and relaxed. I never get stressed, I don't get stressed and I don't stress anyone. But when it comes to approaching women I am often still slightly nervous and this hinders my success with women. After I cold approached a girl and I think about the conversation again, I have so many smooths answers but during the conversation its like I am robot. One of my friends sometimes told, that I look like I have to approach her and not that I want.

I have thought about this problem a lot. On the one hand it is a deeper problem, because I think I would do something wrong. My mother separated from my father when I was young. My father was violent towards my mother and I had sworn from an early age never to want to be like my father. I think that's the reason why I often think that when I approach women or put "little" pressure on them, I feel like a "rapist".

As I mentioned at the beginning, I have now approached more than 400 women, even a lot of groups, but the problem is still there. There are phases when I am more relaxed but there are phases when nothing works.

I just want to be calm in person, in life in general, I don't want anything to upset me. Not only with women, with everything in my life.

Do you have any advice on that topic, how to stay emotional calm?